Is there a gamblers/alcoholics etc anonymous for anger/aggression/stress?

[reastie]

Not for me, for DH. Am thinking about asking him to do something about his behaviour (which I won't go into here) and trying to find cheap/free services in our area but don't know where to start.

If there's drinking involved you could contact Al Anon which is for partners, so you can get some advice for you.

Please please be aware for your own sake that unless he is 100% committed to quitting whatever he is addicted to he will not quit. No matter how supportive you are, you can't make him.

So you may just have to be very firm about unacceptable behaviour and if nothing changes consider your options.

Nope, nothing to do with drinking, just seems to have problems controlling bad moods and is rude/shouts/swears/throws things (not at me) and I can't take much more. I don't think DH realises (despite me telling him) how much this affects me or even realises it's unacceptable so I'm hoping if I can find out about some kind of help he may realise how serious I am and if he goes realise this isn't the norm.

In that case Relate may be the best way forward

joint cousnelling may not work if he doesnt accept or realise he has a problem.

anger anonymous wont work for him i he doesnt think he has a problem

you can only change your reaction to when he blows up - start analysing over what and why and what you reaction is - think about changing it to something more forceful in terms of stating your disapproval whether walking away and removing yourself; asking him calmly to leave the room and go outside; etc .

dont let him get things if he tantrums.
do a supernanny on him

Thanks cest I already do leave the room, sometimes he leaves the room too, but DD is too young to leave the room or know what's going on and it's how I find myself worrying what mood he will be like when he comes home/adjusting how I am with him not wanting another blow up - I'm finding it too much and I can't go on as things as forever.

Is he the same around other people or just at home ? Is he like this at work or around friends ?
Ie can he control himself when he wants to or needs to ?

I know of some good groups in West Yorkshire - pm me if you want details

there are groups i bet for Anger Management via mental health services, cbt or something

cest he doesn't have any friends and works for himself. Thanks time but I'm nowhere near Yorkshire. slarty might look into that, just think DH would be less likely to do something via gp

what about when you go to a restaurant or he comes into contact with other people? does he drive? gets road rage?
ie does he have a general anger problem - which maybe he could recognize and therefore be amenable to seeking help?
CBT wont work unless he wants to change

ultimatums might?
"if you throw an object like that one more time then me and DD will be leaving beause we cant live like this. however if you prepared to seek help then i will support you with that. GP can refer you to counsellin/CBT to deal with your anger issues. are you prepared to do that? for us? for our family?"

because if you are not then we will have to separate

and mean it

thanks cest. we never eat out at restaurants and he is a calmer and more relaxed driver than me . He is generally really placid and quiet when around others (he's pretty quiet with me tbh) and I've never seen him lose his temper with anyone else although he did once walk away from my dad as he got annoyed and knew he might lose it if he stayed, can't remember at all what it was about though. At the minute DH and I have had a convo about his behaviour, he says he doesn't mean to upset me and he just gets in bad moods like I do, and it's my issue for it making me upset I should just ignore him. He can't understand that I can't and it affects me so we are in a status quo of me pretty much ignoring him and him trying to be overly nice (prob as he knows he's done wrong). Usually I just give in and carry on as if nothing has happened but this time I won't. He knows that I want to discuss it and that's why I'm being cold but he won't talk about it, I assume as he's worried what I might say or that he thinks if he carries on it will go back to normal again. Trying to be very strong and keep going so DH realises this is very important to me but until he is willing to discuss it I haven't mentioned getting help.

how old is dd?
is she to grow up learning the correct behaviour when you cross about things is to stomp and throw things?

coz she will copy what behaviour she sees around her

I know cest, this is what is prompting me to do something about it. She is 1.