Reassure me; I will be happy again one day won't I?

[toptramp]

I have bad mental health in the past (bipolar/bpd tendancies) including a month on a ward 10 years ago.

The problem is I have made some pretty catastrophic decisions when I have been ill.

I woke up last night with insomnia and read the family section of the Guardian. I read a dad's account of how he doted on his wife during pregnancy and it just made me feel crap about the shit time my ex gave me when I was pregnant, how he pressurised me to have a termination and was never there because he didn't want my baby. He even told me he was the one unlucky enough to get me pregnant. he did change his tune once baby was born but by then he was abroad and with no chanceof return. (thank goodness)

All this would be bad enough if it were a one off event but I tend to attract incidents and people like this. I tend to court drama especially before dd. I am now on citralopram and have so,me hot dates lined up but I am quite freaked out by my past and by my seeming lack of ability to make good life choices.

Bless you - you met an abusive man and that could have happened to anyone not just someone with a mental health problem. You were vulnerable and an abusive man sensed that . This is NOT your fault - you are not responsible for someone else abusing you.

Women's Aid do some courses for women who have been on violent relationships. Locally there is one called "Breaking the Cycle" about recognising the warning signs of abusers. They are well worth a call to see if there is anything ongoing in your area.

And I meant "violence" in the emotional/psychologically abusive sense.

Thank you for the help. Sadly my child's father wasn't the first abusive relationship I've had...I spot a pattern. I need to do the freedom programme.