Not sure what to ask?

[tygerlil]

Have name changed.

Going through a really bad time, personal, financial and other insurmountable problems. I feel so tired of everything and utterly wortless. I have thought long and hard and I really don't want to exist anymore.

The meds I am taking are making no difference, listed them below,
Citalopram, since December, 60mg daily just increased to 80mg in past week
Diazepam since January, 20-30mg daily depending on mood
Zopiclone, past 18 months, sometimes up to 100mg a day (not just taken at night)

I just cannot see things ever being back to 'normal' and find the pain of living unbearable. No access to counselling or CBT whilst on drugs so I really have no one.

Springdaffs you know who I am please don't reveal too much.

Reading your post I am really concerned at the medication you are taking. It's too much of everything which could be ok if it worked but if it doesn't work...

Citalopram: Maximum safe dose recently re-adjusted to 40mg a day
Diazepam: That is a high dose, and because you have taken it for so long it will no longer work (6 weeks max if taken continuously).
Zopiclone: Very addictive and by now also ineffectual.

Who is prescribing you all this? If it is GP insist to see psychiatrist. And has anyone tried you on a different AD? maybe a tricyclic instead of an SSRI? Or with amytriptylene as a booster?

And who says you cannot have CBT while on drugs? Why not?

You need more professional help

Do you have a mental health team?

You need a review of your prescriptions & counselling

The 'outreach' team that the GP referred me to said they will not see me until I am off drugs.

Everywhere I try and seek help from comes to nothing and am literally at the end of the line now.

Your GP needs to get their head out of their arse - they cannot manage this. You need specialist help to come off this cocktain and onto some meds that will hopefully work. Psychiatrist. You don't need to be off drugs to see a psychiatrist or have the support of a CPN. Take someone with you to the GP if you don't feel able to be assertive. If your GP does not co-operate, register with a different one. I know you won't have energy to do this, but you have little choice, this can't carry on.

cocktail

I know my GP is reluctant to prescibe the levels of dosage that I am currently taking but as I have known him for a long time, he recognises the crisis point I have reached.

I should also point out that I was self medicated up to a point as I was able to buy over the counter drugs that are controlled here due to my work.

I am such a complete mess.

I have no more resources left to cope with the pain I am feeling.

whether or not you rather than the GP caused your problems with meds, he appears to be out of his depth to help you with it.

Please someone help me.....

Saw my GP today who flatly refused to issue me any more of my regular items. So, as of today I am left with nothing, I was receiving prescriptions on a weekly basis for a weeks supply.

Am terrified of the withdrawal side effects and do not know what to do, please, please advise me.

Are you honestly saying that your GP has stopped alll of your drugs - all in one go? I too thought you were on very very high doses of drugs for depression, anxiety and insomnia, but to cut them off completely seems to be to be wholly wrong.

Well this outreach team who said they would not see you until you were off drugs (which sounded to me totally ridiculous) bit like a dentist saying they wouldn't see you till the toothache had gone! However not you are not on any drugs, presumably they will help, and I'm sure you will need an enormous amount of help with complete withdrawal of all drugs.

Your GP may have known you a long time, but to me (and I am no medic) it seems utterly irresponsible to withdraw drugs all in one go, because the usual way is to decrease very very* slowly. Sorry I can't be more help.

sorry now that you are not on drugs

I am so shocked your GP has done this, I agree with NanaNina and this is appalling. Do you have someone who can go to the doctors with you to insist you get your prescriptions reinstated? can you see a different doctor in the practise?

How do you mean you could access the drugs due to your job? What was the scanario?
You started self-medicating with which drug and at what point did you switch to being under the GP?
Are you in the uk?

My job entailed me travelling to various countries where any drugs could be bought 'over the counter' so began self prescribing that way. I began with zopiclone over 18 months ago and then added diazepam about a year ago on an ad hoc basis that got more frequent due to pressure with work, family etc in November last year. Started seeing GP in January and admitted everything honestly and openly. Agreed to see specialised drug and alcohol team.

Due to unanticipated events when I had my 'assessment' with the team in April, I was at one of my lowest points and the doctor there said now was not the time to think about a reduction programme but to continue with my weekly GP visits and be reassessed in June.

GP today knows the situation, accussed me of being 'unco-operative' with outreach team (totally opposite is true) and refused ALL medication.

I really do not know what to do.

Do you know exactly what the specialist dr wrote to your gp (I think we have a right to know what is in our own file? )? Is there anything else the specialist told you, any notes or leaflets they gave you?