Could anyone offer some advice please.

[2beautifulbabies]

Hi everyone I have never posted in one of these before but was hoping you lovely ladies would go easy on me and help offer me some advice.
I am slowly coming the realisation that I am suffering from some depressive periods, I have had this once before when a boss was giving me a hard time at work and had to take time off and got prescribed tablets from the doc twice, never took them, i had reservations such a I must weak, I would not give the boss satisfaction, I don't want to be depressesed. Any way I seem to be feeling low again just now although everything is perfect in my life. I feel like such a failure to feel like this and very ungrateful but somehow I can not shake the feelings. I seem to have developed obsessive thoughts and torture myself over these thoughts and make myself physically I'll doing so ie being sick (not on purpose through the fear of the thought of it becoming reality) I can not stop worrying about stuff, never relax or shut down while having the thoughts. If I do manage to speak to someone about a thought I find another and torture myself with this one and this is ow the process works. I feel so ungrateful as I have a wonderful fiancée who is everything to me, a brilliant father and provider, our children are beautiful little bundles. I love them all so much much. We are getting married in a couple of weeks and I am not sure if stress has brought this out in me. Anyway I was hoping if one one could relate to this? Is this general depression or more? Should I bite the bullet and go to the docs? I feel like I am overreacting some days and others think no this isn't normal.

Hi 2BB - I am not a medic but someone who has suffered 2 major episodes of serious depression that ebbs and flows as it were. To be honest the way you describe yourself doesn't sound like depression, but it does sound like an anxiety of some sort and the two usually go hand in hand. Could it be that your emotions at present are related to the wedding (what used to be called "pre wedding nerves"

Symptoms of depression are usually feeling flat, an absence of any emotion really, no interest in anything, sleeplessnes, crying, feeling worthless and sometimes suicidal thoughts in severe depression. Mind I think everyone's depression affects them differently so you may well be depressed.

How long have you been feeling this way. I do have some ideas but I don't think it's a good idea for non-medics to get into "internet diagnosis" - is your DP aware of what is going on for you just now or are you trying to hide it. Are you able to carry on your normal day to day routine - have any of your friends or family noticed a difference?

Sorry can't be more helpful, but you have nothing to lose by seeing a GP - the NHS do provide counselling, usually CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) the aim of which is to try to stop negative automatic thoughts popping into our heads and spiralling downwards so that we scare ourselves, or make ourselves feel worse. However this therapy only deals with the "here and now" and you really need to have some insight into what is the origin of these unpleasant thoughts you are having.

Often it is helpful to look back to your childhood as the way we were brought up has a big effect on the adults we become.

Best wishes for your wedding.

TBH I haven't read all your post as I can't manage the paragraphs but have read enough to know that I understand you.

Depression is an illness. The same as cancer, arthritis, diabetes, etc is. All things you would have treatment for and take medication.

AD's can help. Admittedly there can be side effects but you need to make your own decisions about if they are worth it. For me, I had all the severe side effects but I am still glad I took the tablets.

My advice would be to see a doctor you have confidence and trust in and speak to them. Ignore your boss. In years to come you won't even remember his name but don't miss out on a healthy and happy life because you don't want to give him the satisfaction. He isn't even going to know you are on medication unless you tell him and there is no need too.

Take care.

yes, you could well be depressed, or it could be anxiety, or just part of a "normal/healthy" reaction to the stresses in your life- definitely go to the GP and work out what is up. be sure to mention your history, including the fact that you didn't actually take the meds presecibed.

If you are offered medicine again, take it! (or if you just simply can't take it, go back and tell the GP why)

Good luck, and best wishes for your upcoming wedding :)