Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

Original poster

God I am so selfish but I am dreading this

14 replies

OrmIrian · 26/04/2012 11:40

My friend has just split up with her partner. At least he split up from her. She is devestated. I need to support her but I am scared. I finally texted her last night to see how she was.She sent my a long reply. I rang her and she just sobbed down the phone at me. So I am going over in my lunchbreak to see her. But my heart is pounding, I feel sick. The cit is helping but I've got a long way to go atm. I want to help, she's my friend but I am worried I'll be useless

Fucking useless friend.....

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/04/2012 11:43

Oh Orm :(

If you were a shit friend, then you wouldn't be worrying about being a shit friend.

Just give her a big hug.

cocolepew · 26/04/2012 11:45

The fact that you are going over even though you are struggling proves what a good friend you are.

Just listen and be there for her.

Hassled · 26/04/2012 11:45

Just the fact you've bothered to go there will be hugely valued by your friend. She'll want you to listen more than she'll want you to come up with words of wisdom - nothing you can say will make it better for her right now, in any case. Just being physically present will mean you'll be far from useless.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 26/04/2012 11:55

Thankyou.

OP posts:

madmouse · 26/04/2012 12:56

You don't need to solve anything or even say anything. Be there, offer a hug and mutter in agreement to whatever she says. Occasionally throw in 'The bastard' for good measure.

Orm give yourself some credit, you are always so hard on yourself.

perfectmadness · 26/04/2012 13:00

Just show your friend you're there. Even if you don't say much. Show her you're next to her in this trying time for her. I feel for your friend already. I hope she manages to sort out her situation and keep strong.

Women are put in a very vulnerable position when they have children. Marriage is still, unfortunately, a main source of financial and social security for most women even in the 21st century in the richest countries in the world. It's such a shame.

Sparklingbrook · 26/04/2012 13:00

Hi OrmIrian. She obviously values you as a friend. You won't be useless. just listen and be sympathetic. x

madmouse · 26/04/2012 13:11

Perfectmadness I'm by your post. Orm hasn't mentiod children, or even marriage, or even that this friend is particularly vulnerable after the split. Just that she is very upset about the split, which would be normal whatever gender she is.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 26/04/2012 13:40

Been, cried a lot, gave lots of hugs. Am so fucking angry I could scream! He must be the most selfish human being in the history of the world..... She has told me some of the things that have been gonig on over the last 6m and I don't even know why she wants to hang on to him... apart from the fact she loves him.

no kids - hers are grown up. They weren'tr married. She is also financially solvent independently of him - in fact always had more money. I don't think he liked that much either.

I feel so glad I went. Kids and are I going over again on Saturday - my children like her too.

Thanks for the encouragement. It was something I needed to do for me as well as for her.

OP posts:

perfectmadness · 26/04/2012 13:41

You're right, madmouse, it's just that because it's Mumsnet, I tend to think we all here have children, though it doesn't have to be necessarily the case. I

Sparklingbrook · 26/04/2012 13:42

That's good 'OrmIrian'. It's very often the thought of doing something is worse that actually doing it IYKWIM.

It's lovely that you have arranged to go again.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 26/04/2012 15:29

Her ex is one of DH's best friends. In fact I met her through him. I am not going to want to see him any time soon - DH is watching football with him on saturday which is one of the reasons we are going round then.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 26/04/2012 15:48

That sounds a bit awkward.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 01/05/2012 11:11

OK. I've had to step back. Was there Thursday lunchtime, Friday evening, Saturday afternoon. DH went over on Sunday morning to clear some of ex's things out (which she was desperate to see gone). I have texted and rung her every day. Last night I was just about to serve dinner and she called. Half an hour of her crying and me trying to comfort her. I had to ring off in the end and went and locked myself in the loo to sob and sob. I feel utterly wrung out.

Also a bit pissed off. Ex is saying she won't let him go over and picks things up because he's a fucking coward and won't face her. She is more than happy to let him come over - has even offered to go out so he doesn't have to see her. None of his other mates have offered to do it so Dh and I are having to do it all and it;s taking ages because although we have an MPV it's not a removal van!

It's such a mess

OP posts:

Flip