Feeling stressed and anxious.

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Hello

I recently started a new job and although I love the work, I feel constantly stressed and anxious. My worries are that I won't meet my employers standards or my own, that my employers will discover that they have made a huge mistake in hiring me, and that if feeling like this isn't like a blip - then what?

That probably makes no sense. I don't know. I have felt like this before - tearful, messed up sleeping and eating patterns, feeling isolated and alone, but on these occasions my family have put it down to hormones and teenage angst.

On these previous occasions I have sought help i.e. counselling, and homeopathy. These both helped for a time but I don't know if they would work again.

Another concern is that because of this my employer will decide to end my temporary contract (I am on my trial period).

I decided this morning to make a doctors appointment and try and sort this out. I see a Nurse Practitioner in an hour.

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you.

By the sounds of what is making you so anxious, it seems you have confidence issues of some sort. You fear is that they will see you for the low self image you think you present, which must be lower than what you employer has obviously seen.

It's worth remembering that in this current market, employers can be as picky as they want. They have obviously decided that you are the right one for the job they want. So you are best off rolling with it, and you will find that they were most likely right. Especially, as I suspect you have an issue with confidence, it is unlikely that you have overly blown your own trumpet in the interview, and misled them into thinking you are capable of things that you are not.

I would imagine you will do fine in your new job if you relax and go with it.

Does this anxiety effect any other part of you life?

I didn't think it did but after thinking about it I think it does. Sometimes I have bad days where I find it hard to get out of bed or even consider leaving the house.

I think it also affects me socially as well, I regularly use rescue remedy before socialising, and although you wouldn't know it from observing me I am actually very nervous and reserved around new people.

My sister has previously remarked that with the men I date I tend to "play below my league". For me, looks dont matter as much as personality and compatability but it has become apparent to her. I think that may be another issue entirely though, I have body issues.

Perhaps this is a problem that runs a little deeper than just your faith in your ability to work.

I can relate very well to what your saying. For a while after I started work, I was thinking the same thing. That they'd made a mistake and would realise that sooner or later. For me it also spreads to my relationship with DP, even after 7 years together I sometimes wonder when she'll wake up and realise I'm not good enough for her. I also understand what you mean about being nervous. I don't know if this is what you mean, but I have a tendancy to maintain a stoic and even aloof exterior most of the time, even when inside I just want to run away, scream or even burst into tears or whatever. It's even been said that I appear to have the skin of Rino, but in reality I'll probably be thinking about something that upset me for hours afterward.

This is all about your self image, I think. What you have to realise is that whilst you may look in the mirror and feel worthless or ashamed of yourself, others do not see this. Perhaps you should listen a bit more to your sister, there are still leagues of personality and compatibilty. And remember, you've been chosen for this job because someone is convinced you can do it. And I'll bet that even though your worried about it, it's nowhere near the limit of your abilities.

I just wanted to add that I hope I didn't come across as trying to sound like I was trying to out-do your problem or anything like that. I just wanted to show you that I understand how it feels to have low confidence, and it's something a lot of people have no time or compassion for.

My advise is to keep in mind the opinions others have of you, rather than your own. They believe you can do the job, that's what's important. Your sister believes you are worth more than the men you are dating, which is also what is important. If you feel as though you are "settling", she's probably right.

But again, I understand that knowing to do this on a logical level and actually feeling it is true, and keeping your thought patterns positive, are very different things.

No, not at all. in fact sharing your story has helped me understand that I'm not alone which was really helpful after my under 5 minutes long, completely unhelpful session this morning.

I don't know. Now I'm worried about speaking to my employer for fear that they will decide that I am not worth all this bother.

Yes, on a logical level it is very difficult to achieve and maintain, this isn't my first "blip" which makes it harder to deal with if that makes sense? Because I know my tells and because they are the same as the things I am struggling with now, it makes the whole situation seem 10x worse than it probably is.

I can understand how you feel. I seem to be able to get jobs easy enough and although some have worked out fine there have been a few where I have really struggled. Confidence and being prone to getting stressed being my main problems.
What did the nurse say ? Not sure if this will be any help to you but if you go onto the general health threads there is one which is about anxiety and food supplements. It is about finding natural ways to boost your mood rather than going down the Anti depressant route. If you feel better you can cope with stress better.I also recommend self help books to help you stop the negative thought patterns.

Kerstina Thank you for sharing, it's nice to know I'm not alone. The nurse said to take Kalms and recommended that I contacted a local CBT service. That is all. I wasn't expecting a magic wand, but my notes are right there on the screen!

You certainly are not alone. Reading your post is like seeing a reflection of myself. It does sound like a low confidence issue (if that's the correct term to use). I'm only speaking from my personal experience. When I was successful in a job application for a promotion, I was convinced that I hadn't got it on my own credit, & that the company were just using me to solve a problem.
I was on AD's for years (which never solved the problem btw). I'm glad your nurse has suggested CBT. You may not feel like you are receiving the help the need right now, & I know that feeling too, but please be assured that it's a step in the right direction. Frustratingly, these things take time to resolve & talking therapies such as CBT or counselling are so good as they get to the route cause of the problem.
I tried hypnotherapy once & that was really good & opened my mind into a whole new way of thinking. Maybe this could be an avenue you could explore?
I don't think I would be alone in saying you are probably doing a wonderful job at work. My experience tells me, your employer would address any problems quickly anyway, & even if there were a few teething problems, if they have any level of professionalism in them, they will work with you to help you, but I really am sure you will be ok.