Counselling - come and talk to me about it please

[LollipopViolet]

Right, I've come to the conclusion, thanks to some lovely MNers on this thread right here that I need some counselling. A word of warning, the thread tackles bullying, and some other things that may be triggers to some posters.

My university offers it, apparently you can get up to 5 sessions at their discretion, and I thought I'd sent them an email asking for an appointment. Turns out, silly me actually hit save, not send, so it's still sat in my drafts folder. I need to send it, but I'm a bit scared, if I'm honest.

I had two sessions at college about 4 years ago, but it was for very trivial stuff, nothing like what I actually NEED to work through, although one session DID make me cry

So, I'm asking, in my best, most polite voice, could anyone who's had counselling as an adult, please tell me what it's like? I'm scared I'll just be a crying wreck or they'll tell me to (wo)man up and deal with it, as it were. Or that I brought all my problems onto myself, or something like that.

It should be fine. It is a relationship between you and the therapist so make sure you like the person you are meeting. E.g. I have had therapists before that I didn't like and stopped going. You don't have to be friends but not have anything weird like you both know the same people. You need to be able to talk freely.

They won't tell you to man up. They will listen and probably get you to explore your feelings. There are different types of therapy and I am sure someone will come on and explain them.

I am starting some therapy sessions and found it best to go in with an open mind. I had to do a multiple choice test to see how i was before we started. They are not there to judge just help and maybe change some thought processes so you are more positive.

Best of luck

My main concern is that 5 sessions is very very little seeing that you spend at least the first session getting to know each other. I'd be very wary getting the lid off very powerful emotions if you have to stop before you get started. Maybe you need to explore a different free/cheap source of counselling.

Hmm, I did wonder about that, why pose a limit on something like this? I don't know of any other alternatives, no one has ever told me about them (half the problem really, should've been directed to some kind of help while all the bullying was going on...)

Don't worry, Lollipop, counsellors are specially trained never to say any of the following:

Pull yourself togther
Oh, cheer up
It's your fault, obviously.

If any counsellor said that, they should be struck off!

I went into counselling last year fully expecting to be told not to be so silly, get over it and so on - instead my counsellor helped me build up a picture of why some things in the past still have such a massive impact on me, my behaviour and emotions, and the way I feel about myself. And ways in which I can change that (not easy, but possible).

And I don't think 5 years of bullying is something anyone would expect you not to be affected by. 5 years of bullying sounds like quite a long time - I was only bullied for a year and that was hell enough... I can't imagine having to struggle through 5 fecking years of it!

I think you have taken a huge step forward in recognising how wounded by it you are as an adult. Bullying really does destroy your self worth.

You might end up having a little cry in later sessions, but that's okay - they are used to it I promise you!

Thank you :)

I've still not got off my bum and sorted anything - I've got two deadlines this month and seemingly no time.

However, I've just found time to send my mum a text, thanking her for being ace. Just because I know she's working a 12 hour shift today and could probably use a smile.

Yeah, 5 years of bullying was hell, but, I must've come through OK if I'm capable of soppy nonsense like the one above :)

I think eventually, I will need counselling, but right now, with deadlines, is not the time to emotionally drain myself. I'm lucky that the people around me now, are (generally) able to cheer me up on a rough day.

You could just sit there and cry for months and hand over a big cheque every week. I have never really worked out if it helps and sometimes I don't want to go at all.

I did literally sit and sob for at least six months......not sure. Maybe something more structured than just talking about stuff that makes you sad is helpful but have never really done that ......