Dear Mumsnet please don't delete this post - no names - no links - other mums will benefit - it is a cautionary tale about our Child Protection System, a subject that others might want to discuss. Depression among mums is common and this is happening to others - its not just me.
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Last year, I went to our surgery with symptoms of depression where the whole family had been patients for 15 years. I had no qualms about seeking help in confidence, we knew the doctors well and respected them.
On this occasion I saw a young, keen, newly qualified locum, who had a budding interest in child psychology. I mentioned I was concerned that my low mood might upset my son. This was a mistake. The locum's subsequent actions were later described by one of her own colleagues as a mixture of 'good intentions' and 'panic.'
In the consultation told me she wanted to refer my son to social services to see if he needed support. I offered to bring my son to the Surgery as if support was need our family GP was the best place to start. The locum refused and I tried to make an appointment with another doctor.
Unknown to me, the locum telephoned the borough?s head of safeguarding. He told her that if she had concerns she should make them extremely robust in order to justify breaching patient confidentiality. (Bizarrely, this expert who I had never met or spoken to described me as 'very self centred' in my medical notes).
The well meaning, cautious, young locum set about following this expert?s advice and over a period of two days, wrote up increasingly more extreme accounts of our 10 minute consultation. Where I had said my son would know how I would feel because we had a close relationship, she wrote: "she tells her son frequently she wants to die." I said I could never take my life because I could not leave my son behind, she wrote: 'if she were to kill herself she would take her son with her.' She did not check her account with me at anytime or tell me of her concerns - she later claimed that to tell me of the allegations would have put our son's life at risk. She needed make this alarming statement to protect herself from legal action for breach of confidentiality without consent.
This keen and cautious young girl, clearly had no idea how social services would react to her account. She had no concept of the chaos she was to unleash into our family's life or the distress she would unwittingly cause for over a year. None of her colleagues at the surgery, who knew us, challenged her actions.
She then sent off her 'robust' account knowingly to my two places of work ? the Council (where I was a Councillor) and the Local NHS (where I was Non Executive Director). Later the Council, again unknown to us, sent the same extreme allegations to our son's school. My husband and I were not told what the allegations were so we had no opportunity to challenge them. I was interviewed, my son was interviewed, I under went a full psychiatric assessment by an NHS consultant who said I was depressed and no risk to anyone and no risk to my son. We were upset, but not particularly alarmed at this point as we knew our son was happy and well and felt we had nothing to hide and nothing to fear.
It was not until we learned that the police had been informed that we realised something was very wrong. The Council refused to accept even the evidence the Senior Partner at the Surgery who had responsibility for child safeguarding; she had told them our son was not at risk. Our son's school said he was happy and thriving.
The Council would not be deterred; they were on a grim mission to prove emotional abuse of our son - the cause we found out later was my alleged ?mental illness? and my husband's 'inability to protect our son from risk of harm.' No one at all met my husband, social workers didn't interview him - had they done so they would have found a loving reliable hands on dad involved in every aspect of his son's life.
The Council even relied on an anonymous consultation with an 'expert' I had never met. The evidence that demonstrated our son's safety and wellbeing was disregarded.
A long traumatic and protracted investigation over many months, the disregard for our family's privacy in every sphere of our lives and the fear of seeking any medical help (the Council warned of further action, if 'it happened again') led to a severe depressive disorder. I eventually sought private treatment. I was prescribed an anti depressant which worked and was supported by a wonderful counsellor, again privately. We were lucky. We began to pick up the pieces.
We did not lose our son, but others in similar circumstances do because they do not have access to solicitors, private health and cannot speak out for themselves. There is an assumption of guilt. No one wants to help or support an accused 'child abuser.' Being wrongly accused of abusing your child so publicly is a horrific accusation for any parent to face. Social Services seemed entirely unaware of the impact of their actions on families. There is no redress. Our son has a file 5 inches thick that will be held on him, until he is 32 years old - depicting his parents in a grotesque fashion. I lost my work at the Council and NHS.
Others suffer worse consequences, even if they do not lose their child, many families do not recover: some lose livelihoods, some become socially isolated, stigma, blame and mistrust causes family breakdown and mental health problems and in the midst of all the chaos and distress, how do you explain any of it to a child, who may well feel a deep sense of guilt at the anguish their parents have experienced.
Possibly the worse feature of this flawed system, designed to protect our children, is that while taxpayer's money is poured into cases like ours, the system becomes overwhelmed by well meaning social workers, convinced of every parent's guilt. Children who really need protecting, like Baby P and Victoria Climbe, slip through the net, precisely because the system is creaking at the seams with ordinary families, like ours doing their best.
If you have experienced anything similar tell your MP or councillors. Don't let the stigma of false accusations make you suffer in silence. Most importantly be very, very careful of mentioning any concerns about your child, to your doctor unless you know and trust them; never mention concerns to well meaning, panicky young things with no life experience and no understanding or experience of motherhood.