Help - how do I get time off?

[ssd]

This probably sounds like a ramble but I'm feeling really depressed about this.

Me and dh have never had a night away together in 8 years. Weve got no -one to take the boys I have 2. Also I look after my elderly mum, my siblings live far away and are absolutely no use.

I just feel bone weary with it all. I never have time with dh, if I have any time to myself it's snatched here and there, a few hours, when they are in nursery and school. We've never had a Saturday together, always with the kids. I absolutely adore my kids and love their company, but the relentlessness of takinf care of them and worrying about/ helping mum is waring me down.

I just feel there's no light for us at the end of the tunnel. I don't mean expensive weekends away, just 1 night somewhere nice would be wonderful.

so my question is, how can I get this? I haven't any friends who babysit and most people I know have kids and don't want 2 more, esp.bad sleepers and early risers!! I've racked my brains and have no one to ask.

sounds stupid but is anyone else in this situatuin and have a solution.Relatives all live far away and show no interest in ever helping.

Any mumsnetters in your area you could do a sitting swop, you have thiers they have yours?
I say this because within a few hours of meeting Rickman I left her with my 2 kids and her 4 while I went to the chippy for dinner.
You know when you meet someone and you can tell...well..she was one of them.
Where abouts are you?

In Glasgow.

Trouble is I really want a night away, impossible with 2.

What age are the kids? Are they getting to a point where they might be asked to sleepovers soon?

ssd, I don't wonder that you are worn down. This is an incredibly long time without having a short length of time on your own, quite apart from having your mum to look after as well. I take my hat off to you for doing it!

I probably am not the expert here but wanted to reply anyway - I have heard of local babysitting circles made up of other mums; might be worth approaching your local health visitor to see if there are any schemes locally?

This may not be a possibility but have you ASKED a trusted friend? I know you say they don't babysit but they might be pleased to be asked, people don't tend to put themselves forward but might be perfectly willing? What if there was a funeral you HAD to attend, does any friend spring to mind that you would ask above any other? If so, why not ask and see.

Or how about engaging a local childminder? Some apparently offer overnight stays, and you could build up the kids familiarity with her prior to an overnight by having them visit one afternoon a week or something, which would also give you a few hours off yourself? Realise this may not be a financial possibility though.

Are your siblings completely out of the picture? I know you say they are no use but would your kids like to go and stay with one of them for a weekend? Depends on the age of the kids as well I know. Would give you time on your own to be either at home or have a night somewhere in between your home and siblings?

Shoot these all down in flames if useless, but wanted to reply!!!!!!

thanks sparkle.

My siblings have never asked to have my kids, but they live about 300 mile away. TBH when I read your post I realised they have never asked to have them, but the youngest is 4 and he still climbs in with us at night, so I feel I can;t ask anyone to have then , also he loves to get up at 6.30! Because we've never had a night to ourselves they both go nuts esp. oldest nearly 8, I think they think we won't come back!

Also I childmind part time and can't afford to send them to anyone, but as I never have they probably wouldn't go.

I know it sounds like I've made a rod for my own back, but with no help since they were babies they've never been used to getting babysat or had time at a minders.

I did ask my HV a while ago about local babysitting groups but she said there wasn't one in my area, most mums I know have relatives ti babysit or they can afford to pay someone.

I was thinking more about this and I think when ds who is 4 is the age of the eldest I won't feel so worried about leaving them if I could find someone. We've tried to sort out the coming in with us, but his big brother used to do this and now he's fine, I think time'll sort it out.

Thanks for your kind words, I know a lot of MNetters are in a much harder situation, but with no break and my mum to sort out it's just feeling a bit too much these days.

ssd, have you had a night away on your own, or your dh on his own? Or with a friend?

Might be a way of getting you a break while leaving the kids secure with one parent! It isn;t time for you and your dh though but it sounds like you have resigned yourself to the fact that this isn't going to happen till they are older.

When particularly sleep deprived I have seriously considered booking into a hotel for a day and a night, purely to SLEEP.........

Anyway, what lucky kids yours are that you are so committed to them and how they feel - good luck and hope you manage to get a break sometime. I honestly think with something like this it's not being selfish because it gives you all a chance to miss eachother and enjoy eachother all the more when back together (says she wisely, who hasn't spent a night away from her son either!)but I will, one day....

Sparkle, I've often thought about a night by myself with a friend somewhere, but I can't really justify the cost. I really want to go with dh, we never have time alone and I crave a boozy night out with him and a sleep in a hotel!

I think when we do eventually get this it'll feel like dating again!