Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

eating disorder/anorexia/weird eating?

12 replies

binth · 23/04/2012 19:20

In a bit of a state over as to what to do. My 17yr old dd does not eat. She has lost a lot of weight with her jewelerry and bracelets/watch that once fitted her now hanging loosely of her wrists. Her collarbones are seriously jutting out. She has made it clear that she's not anorexic and does not think she is fat yet just 'doesn't like food'. I keep saying 'force yourself' and 'only you can help yourself' but she just gets annoyed saying i don't understand. I just don't see how taking her to a doctor with a doctor telling her what foods she 'should' be eating is going to make her better! She has said she wants to eat more and she's sick of not eating properly but doesn't ever try to try other foods. Her diet consists of a cup of tea for brkfast, 2 choc bars in day and whatever 'normal' dinner i can give her she will eat some chicken or pasta as long as very plain., She told me her weight, she was abit embarassed but said it was 7.5 stone and her height is 5ft8 which makes her according to bmi 16! which is underweight. Any suggestions? I just don't see how anyone can help her apart from herself

OP posts:
jalopy · 23/04/2012 19:47

Binth, she does need professional help. I would start by contacting her GP.

binth · 23/04/2012 20:10

Ok thank u. School have rung me a few times as teachers are worried. She doesn't seem to have a prob with her weight, what else could it be?!

OP posts:
WorkInProgress · 23/04/2012 20:29

Anorexia isn't about weight/ food, it's about psycological issues, control and a cry for help. Anorexics often say they want to put on weight. Please contact your GP and get her some professional help.

binth · 23/04/2012 20:38

I understand what your saying. But part of me just doesn't understand because when she is very hungry which of course she does get she'll just stuff herself with chocolate and bread which surely an anorexic wouldn't do because they are fattening. She swears she has never made herself throw up and i believe her. But surely she would if she was hungry go for less fattening things which makes me think it isn't anorexia ...

OP posts:
jalopy · 23/04/2012 20:39

The GP can assess her to find out if there is any other reason for her loss of appetite and weight loss. The doctor may decide to run other tests to see if there is an underlying medical reason for her condition.

From the small amount of info that you have given, it sounds like she may well have an eating disorder. Your daughter seems to be in denial and that is quite a worry.

I would not delay in getting professional help for her.

kalidasa · 23/04/2012 20:48

I came quite close to anorexia when I was 16 and I wasn't health-conscious or calorie-counting at all in my relation to food. What I did eat wasn't very healthy - toast and chocolate and things. (I was at boarding school and the catered food was dire which didn't help.) What I remember is that it was a time in my life when I felt very anxious and very unhappy and as if I had no control over my emotions which were intense and overwhelming and a source of guilt and shame: schoolwork and choosing to eat or not eat were pretty much the only things I felt in 'charge' of. I would guess that is a pretty typical route to anorexia.

I pulled back from the brink but I do remember what it felt like. I didn't see a counselor or anything and it took me years to work through the emotional problems that caused me such pain at that time. In retrospect I should have had some serious support from a counselor or therapist - but I was very very high-achieving and genuinely happy to be at school (rather than at home) and I'm sure I seemed very functional. (And in any case came from the sort of family background where it was impossible even to pronounce the word 'counselor' until about 2009! I used to watch my mother trying to say it and sticking instead with "someone to . . . talk . . . to . . . ".)

Maybe the best thing is to take the focus off the food and just assume that your daughter is not very happy and talk to her about what would help. It's a tough age though because I know I would have been very resistant to structured help at that stage. It takes a lot of maturity to admit when you are not coping and at 16 I definitely wasn't that mature!

kalidasa · 23/04/2012 20:49

Forgot to say - is she having periods do you know? Big alarm signal if they have stopped.

binth · 23/04/2012 20:54

I forgot to add in the original post about periods. She says she still has them but not regular ones and they don't last for the usual '5ish' days anymore . They're more about 2 days now and very light ones too. But she argued that might be just because it's her body that is getting used to having had periods as sometimes when u first start they are heavier etc. Thank u for all your help - appreciate it

OP posts:
kalidasa · 23/04/2012 21:43

It sounds as if she may not be ovulating in that case. Anovulatory bleeds are generally lighter and less regular. I think she does need some help to be honest but I agree that the GP may not get very far.

binth · 23/04/2012 22:31

Hmm well unfortunately my gp isn't so friendly. But my mother has one who i am seeing tomorrow with my mother to do with my mum and maybe i'll just blurt in and ask about my dd and ask for her advice. A new gp for my mum who we've never met so might be good. Worried

OP posts:
SlipperyNipple · 24/04/2012 15:07

You really must be brave for your daughter and face this. Go and make an appointment and tell them what you have told us. Your daughter has a problem and you would be devastated if she harmed her health because of low weight.

Just do it.

I went to a doctor recently to talk about an eating problem...I was so afraid I would be dismissed and patronised. I was dealt with very kindly.

soveryfedup · 26/04/2012 19:41

Hi binth I am sorry to hear about your daughter. It really does sounds like she has an eating disorder, I hope you can go to the GP soon and 'get her in the system' for dealing with it.

That your daughter says she wants to eat and is sick of not eating properly is only indication that she is saying things to placate you. Eating disordered people are very sneaky and will do anything to keep their illness. the control they have over not eating makes them feel safe, even powerful, it is their naughty secret and makes them 'happy'. it is like an evil twin that they love and loathe in equal measure. It is all about sadness and anxiety, essentially as other posters have said; the illness tells them that they will be a better, kinder, happier, more popular, loveable person if they are thin, thin, thin. However, the sadness can also be hidden behind a smiley personality! It is so tricky, I feel for you OP. They will 'lapse' from the control and, like any normal human, give in to temptation and eat and eat and eat, especially treat foods. This is quite normal.

Some signs of serious anorexia can be seen in depression (if she is not hiding it), is she a high achiever with perfectionist tendencies, does she take food and hide it (they can hide things to test their resistance and, of course, look like they ate to others), does she have a weight diary, does she go on anorexia websites?

Whatever is going on your daughter sounds poorly, either physically or emotionally, and needs some help from you. Good luck OP, I really hope you find the above all have absolutely nothing to do with your daughter.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page