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Think I'm fighting depression and am really upset about it :(

13 replies

madmouse · 22/04/2012 10:51

We moved house about 3 weeks ago, half an hour away from our old town and only about 15mins further away from both sets of closest friends. The move is good for us as we are now a lot closer to dh's parish (he's a minister) so he's not on the motorway all day (sometimes making 3 trips or more a day) and we get to see him more. It does mean ds and I have longer journeys as my work and his specialist nursery are still in the same place.

I feel really isolated, like I'm all alone here. I'm so tired and feel like I want to cry a lot of the time.

A lot has happened in the last 3 years. I had severe PTSD and worked really hard processing my child abuse history so I have become really really close to my friends who have been an enormous support.

We're all a bit under the weather with viruses (I think ds has bronchitis) and we've just decided to cancel our trip to Europe to visit my dad and stepmum (meant to drive over today) Sad

In a way it's a relief because we're really not happy to travel all day with a poorly 4 year old who may or may not get a nasty chest infection soon (he has cerebral palsy, it happens twice a year or so, it makes him very poorly very quickly) and I'm so tired and low.

I thought about starting St Johnswort again as it's worked well in the past, but I'm on stomach medication right now and the two don't go together. And I had such a bad reaction to citalopram when prescribed for anxiety that I would need a referral to a psychiatrist before trying anything else.

Meh, I'm just down and need to get it out of my system. I told my dh that I feel I'm fighting depression and he said jokingly 'Oh no you don't, I'm the one who does depression round here'. He would tell you that he takes me seriously but I still don't appreciate it.

3rd day inside with poorly ds not helping. Just having a moan.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 22/04/2012 11:07

If you want a chat I'll be on today x

HoleyGhost · 22/04/2012 11:13

Can you get out for a short walk in the daylight today? Keep eating and be kind to yourself

strawberry17 · 22/04/2012 12:19

I'm so sorry Madmouse to hear you're feeling so bad Sad you give such good advice to people here it's sad to read you suffering as well. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate anyway to process and deal with and moving house is incredibly stressful, as is being a ministers wife. No useful advice except just look after yourself and be kind to yourself, and I'm thinking of you.

NanaNina · 22/04/2012 14:14

Oh madmouse I came on today because I feel totally crap, bad yesterday but much worse today. Roger away on a rambling weekend as is my best friend, so I feel quite bereft and have cried so much this morning. But then to find you on here also in a "state" really upset me. You do sound like you are depressed as I'm sure you know, and of course I know your back story and how brave you have been in handling all your PTSD stuff and your DH's depression and mouselings problems.

Don't underestimate the moving house, which is very high up on the stress list. You may be having adjustment difficulties as you talk of being lonely and isolated even though you haven't moved that far away. Why are you on stomach medicine - could you stop it and take the SJW as this has been effective in the past. Also (as you often say) with ADs you often have to try different ones - citalopram seems to be the drug of choice these days. I am on an old fashioned tryclic (imipramine) maybe you could try one of those "first generation" drugs.

Never mind Meh "I'm just down and need to get it out of my system" that is a discount to yourself. I know you have a really good friend who has seen you through so much - any chance of contacting him, or another friend. Having said that I don't feel up to phoning anyone today and am hiding in my bedroom in case anyone knocks the door. I get really anxious about anyone (other than R and few close women friends) seeing me like this.

We will get through this and there will be brighter times ahead. NNxx

madmouse · 22/04/2012 14:23

Thanks for the replies.

NanaNina no I can't stop the omeprazole as my stomach is healing from an ulcer and the pain of that was really not funny so stopping is not an option.

It may well be that one of the older ADs would work but I would still need to go through my brand new (not met yet) GP and get a referral for a psychiatrist and wait for that.

I have told my friend I'm struggling. On fb. Since the move we don't see each other as much in person.

Hope you feel better soon x

OP posts:
NanaNina · 22/04/2012 14:46

Does the move mean you have had to change GPs as I seem to remember that you had a good one. Also you seem to have lost contact with your friend since the move, so these could be some of the reasons for you low mood.

As you know I'm sure it is be no means certain that a GP will refer you to a psychiatrist, only 1 in 10 patients seen in general practice are referred to a psychiatrist. In any event the psych can only diagnose and treat and he/she would have no way of knowing that an older AD would suit you - as you know it's trial and error with ADs. Maybe make an appt with the new GP?

Have just had a long cry and it has released some of the anxiety. NNx

madmouse · 22/04/2012 14:57

Nana my GP said that any further ADs had to be prescribed by a psychiatrist due to their greater knowledge of medication as my reaction was somewhat unusual (we're not talking side effects).

I haven't lost touch with my friend, but due to the move we no longer see each other regularly or without children.

OP posts:
Midge25 · 22/04/2012 15:06

Could friends come and visit? I was in the same situation as you about 4 years ago and found that was a real 'lift' and stopped me worrying about being isolated/alone. Would second making an appointment with your new GP. Can be difficult/stressful having to give all the background again, but otoh they can often have a fresh outlook/approach

Hope you feel better soon

BeckyBendyLegs · 22/04/2012 15:47

Oh madmouse sorry to hear your are feeling so low. Moving house is a hugely stressful event, it is bound to make you feel the effects as you settle in. How far did you move? When we moved here it took me ages to feel settled, and whenever I go back to where we lived before here I cry. And the cancellation of your trip is bound to make you feel sad, it's not fair, and you are worrying about DS being poorly too I am sure knowing you.

Funnily enough I've been feeling really low the last few days too, not sleeping well, more anxious than normal, very tearful. DH has just ordered two new radiators and he didn't consult with me about what type and even though it sounds really trivial and silly I feel really upset about it. I also had an upset last night about a couple of friends who don't get on and one posted something nasty on facebook, which is just really appalling to me. And DS2 said he felt sick yesterday which sent me off on one of my 'oooh no please not sickness' worries.

It's a shame you can't take SJW again at the moment. I think a visit to the GP might be a good idea. Big hug from me for what it is worth. I'll be thinking of you, hoping it is sunny right now (it is here, we've had heavy showers but sun is shining as I type).

Loopyloveschocolate · 22/04/2012 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madmouse · 22/04/2012 16:50

Thanks all

Becky I had a feeling you were a bit out of sorts. I'm not very worried about ds. If it goes to his chest he will need ABs and ventolin to clear it up, if it's a virus it will clear up by itself. We haven't moved far (see my OP) but I feel I've lsot a lot, more than I expected. Small things like going to band practice with a good friend and catching up in the car afterwards.

I think I'll give myself a little bit longer before going to the GP as I know I don't need counselling right now and starting ADs will mean taking them for months even if this (very reactive) dip may settle by itself.

OP posts:
BeckyBendyLegs · 22/04/2012 17:21

Sorry my brain is a bit fuzzy today, I knew already that you hadn't moved too far. But your routine has changed in a few ways it sounds like. I hope your DS feels better soon x

kizzie · 22/04/2012 17:24

Hi madmouse sorry you are struggling at the mo Sad.

You probably already know this but all the research shows that moving house is one the the biggies when it comes to life stress so its no wonder that you feel knocked for six.

Maybe set yourself a time scale of a few days/ couple of weeks and if things dont improve then make an appointment.

I've had v complicated start ups on ads so you if you ever wnat to chat through just get in touch.

Take care

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