Feel upset & vulnerable after DS mugged in daylight after school.

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How do I support my upset son, & how do I deal with my own upset?
My DS and friend (aged 12) were mugged on their way home from school, after getting off the school bus, on Friday, on the 5 minute walk home through a residential road (in a good area).
Suddenly, they were surrounded by 3 black men in late teens; 1 man in front, 1 man behind, & 1 across the road, wearing black tracksuits & hoodies.
The whole incident took 2-3 minutes, then the men ran off into a busy high street.

The kids got off lightly (his friend gave up a mobile phone & £1.50, DS got away with giving 5p) - thankfully, no injuries - but the greater damage is the upset, shock & realisation how vulnerable they were, what could have happened, how smoothly planned it was.

How do you get through the upset, shock & feeling vulnerable, both for DS & mum? (single mum, no support). Thanks.

Just noticed no one had replied. I can well imagine how you feel. I have a 12 year old grand-daughter who walks part of the way home on her own and then is picked up by her grandad, and this is what her parents have agreed but I hate the thought she is walking some of the way alone. All the other kids are picked up (private school) and so there is no one to go home with on the bus. We will be picking her up 2 days a week now and will be on the car park!

It must have been a very scarey incident for your son and his friends and you and on a 5 minute walk home in a good area. This is the argument my son and dil put forward about 12 yr old girl walking some of the way home herself that it is a "good area" - it's just struck me that kids on the rob probably know they will do better in a "good area" as the kids are more likely to have smart phones etc. My gr/dghtr has a blackberry and I've told her not to use it in the street, but my son (IT manager) says there is no point in robbing mobile phones now because they can't be used but thats obviously not true.

It's easy for me to say try and look at this as a "one off" and try to be calm and balanced about it, so as not to project your anxiety on to your son, but I know I would be beside myself, so can't really help much. I suppose 3 12 yr olds are easy for older teenagers. Of course as it's secondary school it isn't the done thing to be meeting them is it, though if it was me I would be at that bus stop!

I take it the police have been informed? Someone from victim support should contact you and offer help to get through the shock and upset.

How awful for you all. It would be pretty upsetting to have happened to you, but I can imagine it's worse that it happened to your child.

hello
I am sorry to hear of this. My DS1 was mugged at knifepoint in broad daylight aged 13.

The police were very helpful and made DS1 feel he had done the right thing by not fighting back. Apparently feeling humiliated is a big issue for boys/young men who are mugged.

My attitude was "a bad thing happened but it could have been worse" No one was hurt and DS1 and I met some really kind people-the taxi driver who took me to collect him and wouldn't take the fair,the lovely staff at the supermarket who phoned me and looked after him.

The boy who mugged him was going nowhere in life whereas my son has advantages that should give him a good life. He "lost" the mobile but the mugger is the real loser.

Hope that makes sense.

Thanks - appreciate your kind words.

trixymalixy, thanks, yes, they had the sense to go straight to the neighbourhood police, 5 minutes away, but it was 50 minutes before the police had a van ready to go looking for the bad guys; why so long? They were gone in minutes.

Victim support telephoned today to offer to arrange support, which is very kind, but it's unclear how long it will take to organise; it's already 3 days later; it's a very traumatic experience for anyone, especially a child.

NanaNina, thanks - I used to walk home on my own at that age without incident, but that was pre-mobile phone days & kids barely carried money in those days. It's all changed.
btw, it was 2 kids, surrounded by 3 older teens, one jumped in front of them, one was behind them & 1 at the side; that's what shocked my son, they were hemmed in & vulnerable; the attack was coordinated, smooth, effective & quick.

Emdelafield, hi, that sounds like a terrible experience. You sound very strong & matter of fact in moving forward.

I tried to give him a nice day out yesterday cycling & fishing, to take his mind off things, but he fell in a pond full of geese & swans & got soaked through. It certainly distracted him for a bit, but he was off sick today, (vomit & hot) poor thing.

Poor love, no advice but so sorry to hear about your son's experience

Poor love, no advice but so sorry to hear about your son's experience

hello
At the time I was very upset but I wanted to make it as easy as possible for DS1 to get over it.
To be honest I now feel this type of urban crime is so prevalent that there is no point in taking it personally. Don't mean that to sound harsh.
The muggers see the victim as someone who has something they want and not as a person
I think your lovely day sounds just the right approach .
My DS wanted to talk it through and relive it which was tough to listen to but helped him.

sorry - posted too soon. Meant to say day off school is a good idea. Illness may have been due to delayed reaction as well as duck pond incident.

Mercibucket - thanks - I really appreciate these snippets of support.

emdelafield - yes - I agree it wasn't personal - apparently there were 3-4 similar muggings recently, which is worrying... btw, I received an encouraging email from my local councillor today, who wrote:

"We are dealing with this seriously and liaising with police and neighbourhood groups and the Council Cabinet member for community safety. "

But poor DS has had to deal with a lot recently; 2 days earlier, the school bus drove off carelessly before he'd sat down, so he fell & hit his ankle & hip (I've complained to the bus company) & 3 months ago he moved from a school where he was nearly strangled & mass attacked (racial bullying). So he's been through the wars & I'm emotionally drained with coping (or not) with it all.

"Illness may have been due to delayed reaction as well as duck pond incident."
emdelafield, I hadn't thought about the delayed reaction to the shock & trauma; **HUGE thanks. I'll be more attentive to his symptoms.

Hi Optimal,
It sounds like you have been through a lot too. I hope you are getting support in RL. Your son sounds a lovely young man and he is lucky to have you as his mother .

emdelafield - thank you. I'm touched by your kindness. Thank you!