PTSD?

[Mama1980]

Hi I'm pretty new here I debated whether or not to post this as its very personal but I have had some very helpful advice from people so thought I would try. I had ds 4 years ago at 26 weeks following the pregnancy from hell, my placenta partially ruptured and I went into labour at 20 weeks they admitted me to icu and ds and I spent the next 6 weeks fighting for our lives, I caught a infection and was told time an time again babe stood nexttonochance but I refused to consider a termination which was suggested to be certain of saving my life. Anyway at 26 weeks my placenta abruptly totally the last thing I remember is the dr screaming that they had 4 minutes to save us both and blood dripping on the floor. My ds is now 4 he needed several
ops as did I but we are now fine. I am truly very happy and Know how lucky I am :) thing is the last 6 months or so I have been having awful nightmare all the same I cannot move, I am bleeding and my son is not ok I wake shaking and screaming. My dp came withmeto the drs yesterday as he was so concerned,the nightmares are not impacting my life I can ignore them in the day but they are taking some getting over at night. My gp was concerned and suggested I might be suffering from PTSD. Does anyone have a similar experience, or any advice? Thank you

Forgot to say I went into labour initially following a car crash

I've suffered from PTSD (from traumatic labour linking in with childhood issues and from nearly losing ds) and have now mostly recovered. It does definitely sound like you have it too. What has the doctor proposed? EMDR therapy in my view is unbeatable but not available everywhere on the NHS.

Feel free to pm me if it helps?

Sorry to hear what you went through. I was diagnosed with PTSD late last year, and though I'm not at all qualified to comment on what you're going through - I think PTSD could be likely in your case.
Was your GP helpful? I was offered anti depressants and counselling. Perhaps look into EMDR as madmouse suggested? There is help out there. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Thanks for replying. Yes my gp was very helpful but freely admitted it is not his area of expertise. Thing is I don't understand why now I am genuinely very very happy. It just seems every other night my brain sort of short circuits and I'm back 4 years. He has asked me to go back in next week to talk to a colleague who specialises in such issues. Any idea what to expect at all? I hope you are both doing well.

I've also suffered from ptsd following childbirth, have had treatment (similar to emdr and can't recommend it highly enough) but I also know that although I might not experience the symptoms any more, I still have ptsd.

The idea of your brain short circuiting is exactly right. It was described to me as your brain is unable to move the trauma from the sort of short-term memory into a long-term memory so you keep re-experiencing the trauma, through nightmares/flashbacks as your brain has not processed that it isn't happening now, if that makes sense.

It's good that you're able to talk to someone next week with more experience of ptsd. I hope it goes well. I don't know what to expect, though, sorry.

timetomoveon - how come you still feel you have PTSD even though you have no more symptoms?

OP for me it took a year after the event for things to surface. At that point we had a review with ds's paediatrician, the same who had fought for his life a year earlier. She could not believe how well ds was doing and positively bounced around the room. Something dropped away at that moment and my own troubles got space to surface. Maybe something similar happened for you.

madmouse - I think it's a bit raw at the moment as we've just had ds's birthday. The first two birthdays were filled with panic attacks, flashbacks and several weeks of agorophobia. The third birthday was after I had had treatment and I seemed to need to go over and over the birth and aftermath in my head in order to somehow prove to myself that I wasn't going to regress.
This year was ds's 4th birthday. I didn't feel the same need to try and go over all the physical memories this year but I felt an (at times totally) overwhelming sadness surrounding the whole thing. And especially the fact that I didn't ever bond with my son until after I had had treatment.
I feel (rightly or wrongly) that it is something that I will always carry with me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to say 'I had ptsd but I'm cured now'.

I was the same as you after I finished counselling for the second time. I then ended up seeking CBT because I got really anxious about ds and ended up with a fantastically experienced (private) psychologist who said I needed EMDR not CBT and how right she was. Since seeing her I really consider myself cured. Yes I think overall I'm a bit more vulnerable and my nerves seem to have permanently shattered so I can be a bit jumpy at loud noises and unexpected touches but that's it. For a long term abuse survivor I'm apparently doing amazingly well. So I do hope that for you too things settle down more.

I think what EMDR really did for me is park the memories in the right place in the filing cabinet, in the right drawer, so they are now properly in the past and I don't carry them around anymore.

I agree about the memories, totally. They are just memories now, as opposed to the constant reliving which it was before the treatment.

I think it's just the sadness that feels very difficult atm, but I'm sure it will pass soon. Probably, at some point, I might need some sort of 'talking therapy' to deal with that, but I'm really not ready for all of that atm tbh.

Sorry for taking over your thread Mama :)