BIPOLAR - Advice please

[wheresthepopcorn]

Just wondered if anyone could share what it's like to live with bipolar. Interested to here from those who are diagnosed bipolar or their families.

here is the rebranded mdf in case you haven't been there yet

That's a big question, I am diagnosed bp1.

What Scheherezade said, except I'm bipolar II. Oh lordy, this is going to be long!

In a nutshell, it's more than a bit crap. It's a chronic thing that affects my life on a daily basis, even when I'm well. I've got to make lifestyle choices that, in an ideal world, I would make differently. It makes me feel like I need to be hyper alert to signs that I'm cycling, signs that I'm showing 'soft markers' (I have rapid cycling, so this can happen fairly frequently) so I can attempt to attenuate the episode before it's too late. It means it's hard to relax and just go with a feeling/emotion, without questioning myself if it's context appropriate.

It causes me added expense- even with a prepayment certificate my meds costs a fortune. Added difficulties with every day social interactions, though I'm lucky. Most of my friends who know about it have said it doesn't make a difference to them- I'm still me, the person they know, I just have a label now. I'm pretty open about my diagnosis, but there is still stigma- I purposely haven't told some individuals, people who would actively try to use it against me. And on top of that, bipolar is seen, I think, as a pretty 'trendy' thing to have- I've certainly had people compare me to slebs in terms of using illness to excuse poor behaviour, and also thinking it's a pretty mild illness that doesn't really have much of an impact.

It makes work difficult. Firstly because of the sort of work I do, and secondly because of the work patterns I need to do in order to stay well which don't necessarily dovetail nicely with the lifestyle choices I have to make to stay well... see points above! I'm very aware that I might well have to change careers at some point fairly soon. My sickness record is not good, and although I'm covered by the DDA and so theoretically this shouldn't be held against me, it is. It's just hard to prove, hence one of the reasons I'm considering changing career. This brings more problems though- who will employ someone with a totally crap sickness record in today's job market?

Family relationships are made more difficult too. The breakup of my marriage was a caused in part by my illness, and my ex's inability to understand that I was actually ill, not feckless. He was also an arse, but that's another story! ;) My children, I think, are fairly unscathed. They know I'm ill, that people can be mentally as well as physically ill, and there is no difference. They are lovely girls who spot when I'm feeling depressed even though I try to shield them from it as much as I can. They're brilliant at bringing me a coffee, sitting for a chat and being extra sweet and gentle if they think I need it. It's very crap for them though, and I feel bad that they feel the need to do this. I'm very clear that they aren't the cause of me feeling bad; it's nothing they've done or can make better- we just need to ride it out and it will sort itself in time. I guess I'm lucky in that it doesn't usually take long for me to feel better- one advantage of rapid cycling I guess! They are also minxes at times, and are learning to spot when I'm high. They openly admit that they ruthlessly exploit my urges (albeit in a good natured way) to spend money at these times, and oftentimes try to steer me into the shops they like to go in, but hardly get the chance when I'm well. DP tries to mitigate these urges now, foiling the DD's cunning plans, and has been known to take (with my consent) my card off me and give me cash.

It's not all bad though. I've got a much better understanding of myself, of what makes me tick than I had. I think I'm a much more tolerant person than I was. When I'm well, I take time to enjoy the world more than I did. I am at my most productive and creative when I'm hypomanic, at least initially, which has led to me being able to make some money from my hobbies. And, again when I'm hypomanic, my house is pristine, and has never been cleaner. God knows why, when I'm such a slattern in everyday life, but when I'm high I get an irresistible urge to do housework. I'd really rather hypomania didn't happen- in fact, I'd really rather none of it happened, but every cloud has a silver lining huh? ;)

I have bipolar 1, diagnosed 15 years ago, but should have been spotted long before that, and would have saved me a lot of trouble if it had been!

Lithium has revolutionized my life, no more rapid cycling, although still some cycling. Those close to me know my quirks and tolerate me amazingly well.

My major worry is that one of my children will inherit this from me, as my mother and grandfather are also, I believe, md (although only the depressive bit ever diagnosed). We could do without a fourth generation of the family having ECT. Both children are well aware of the situation, and know my worries, but at 22 and 19 show no signs, although teen years were anxious as every normal mood swing had me worrying! Even if they do develop it, it its the only major illness I can think of that has a big upside, so managed properly it is not the end of the world!

4am I am on lithium too and found it to be wonderful also. However like you I have my 'quirks' . How does your MH team handle these? I'm always afraid that a period of anxiety is going to be me exploding into a full blown manic episode.

What's it like to live with bipolar?

Difficult.

Thanks all for being so honest. I wondered if you were able to let me know when you first realised you had bipolar (not diagnosed, but when you first felt something was wrong and what the signs were). A family member is bipolar and went undiagnosed for many years. Her undiagnosed behaviour put strain on a lot of her friendships and some of those friendships fell by the wayside - I know it caused this caused her much emotional pain. We as a family sometimes don't know the right way in which to show our love/support. It is for this reason I ask all these questions.

Hi I have bipolar II and was diagnosed a couple of years ago, and first got ill with it back in 2006. 90% of the time I am battling depression symptoms, and 10% of the time I have manic symptoms. My first episode of mania cost me my relationship,my place at uni, my house,and I was unable to look after my children for 6 months.

My first manic episode came on fast, after a few nights with little sleep. I felt like someone had drugged me and my heart rate was so fast for so long (several days) I was admitted to hospital, however it was a few years before I was diagnosed, despite all the symptoms being there, I was treated for depression during those years, and as AD's can worsen bipolar I really struggled to hold it together and ended up turning to alcohol and generally making some really bad life choices including a relationship which ended up with me getting beaten up by him, and having to escape that man.

Since I have been on the mood stablilisers I have been able to overcome my alcohol abuse, and be fairy 'stable' although this stability is a fragile thing which I work hard at to protect. Just one night of no sleep can trigger mania. I am unable to find a job that would be suitable for my needs. I also have a physical health problem (fibromyalgia) Daily life for me is very quiet, I need about 12 hours sleep a night to function.I cant cope with any kind of excitement, even an emotional film or piece of music can trigger my symptoms. I can't drive any more, I am not well enough to go on holiday as the stress and excitement of getting packed and getting there would trigger my symptoms. having bipolar means I am much more likely to be confrontational and aggressive, which is so completely unlike the real 'me'. It has changed me in many ways and most of them are not good!

as for how family can support someone with bipolar, I would say just be available, make sure they know they can phone you whatever time, day or night.don't push them to seek help/treatment, it was several months after diagnosis that i accepted I would have to take the meds, and take them for the rest of my life. You could also go to a bipolar uk support group, you can search up your nearest on the bipolar uk webiste which mightynice linked to.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and then borderline personality disorder. But I knew it was bipolar, as my episodes were separated by, and lasted for months. I then had a manic episode. I was put on lithium, and it immediately made me better, and I was well for years.

I've just had a major manic/psychotic episode. I have no memory of it, I was in psychiatric hospital for the duration, it was brought on by medication changes. I was violent, aggressive, paranoid. I believed I was channeling God, and my 7 month old DS was the new Stalin.

hey its not all bad! im bipokar one, only diagnosed on third manic episode -nearly cost me my marriage/my job etc. however now im on meds im a much nicer person i used to get very irritable and i am really calm now

i do pay attention to my sleep patterns,exercise regularly but apart from that its [retty ok nowadays

Just out of interest, what exact kind of things do you all do that qualifies as a 'manic episode'?

My mum and my auntie are both Bipolar

My mum had a manic eposide about 18 months ago that led to her being in hospital, in that time she wasn't sleeping, sometimes it was almost as if she wasn't really there when you spoke to her, like she was talking in her sleep but yet awake, babbling, incoherent, unable to stop talking, jumping wildly from one idea to another

She has no concept of where she was, or of the fact she was ill (which was probably in some ways at times a good thing)

She trashed the house, upturned all the drawers and packed loads of carrier bags with random items, I had to sort them all out

Despite what she was like in her eposide my mum is actually a teacher and when she's on top of things she's absolutely fine :)

a manic episode for me starts with not being able to sleep, and instead of having no energy from lack of sleep, i feel great and 'full of beans' several days and nights will pass with still no sleep and yet plenty of energy,physically my heart will be racing at 130-150bpm constantly. I will be really chatty,excited, creative (writing poems and rhymes usually) I might have some grand plan to end world hunger, or similar, and start 'organising' my plan, or I may be convinced that God is working through me and I have the power to heal, or some such. I feel very strong emotions,like I suddenly develop a huge degree of empathy.

After a few days or longer of this, I crash and burn, I can't cope with any sound, light, touch, I cant understand what people are saying to me and have total sensory overload.I will end up screaming and rocking If I cant block out sounds etc.In the past at this stage I might go for a very long walk without telling anyone where i am going, often in the night as I get confused between day and night. (decided I was going to walk to Ireland once!!)

that's a big manic episode, for me, but I also get 'hypomania' which is lower level,but may last longer. In this I sleep a bit less,have slightly more energy than usual and may do things like give all my money to a beggar or something. I will be doing loads of housework and gardening,dressing up in nice dresses (usually i wear trackies!) spending ages on my appearance, and be convinced that i am 'cured' but alas, not cured, actually really quite ill.:(

I take my meds, but the dosage isn't quite right yet,(after 2 years) although the awful mania is gone, I still get hypomanic and the depression symptoms are just horrific. 90% of the time I have severe depression, 10% hypomanic (roughly) I hope I can get my meds sorted soon and be stable.

Hope this helps.

I first started to suspect there was something more seriously amiss about 2009- I realised I had recurrent periods of fairly severe depression, which seemed to appear with little 'cause' every 9-18months. In between these periods, I was totally well; indeed sometimes, hyper-productive. With hindsight, my psych and I reckon these were periods of hypomania given they seemed to appear just before I got depressed. I'd also realised that taking prednisolone had a really bad effect on me-I was high for at least a week after it, something that's recognised as a known risk for people with bipolar. Things came to a head last summer, when I pretty comprehensively went off the rails. and I got my diagnosis.

My highs are, well, tragic but also quite amusing, at least initially. Even when I'm well, my DP describes me as the human equivalent of a border collie... imagine what I'm like with even more boundless energy, drive and enthusiasm than normal! As I said already, I'm creative, witty, outgoing, just generally fun to be with. I'm able to do so, so much more than usual- see my previous comments about housework! This bit, I have to admit, feels good. More than good actually, it feels amazing. Imagine the best day of your life, then add in bucketfulls of exhilaration. All my senses are heightened- colours are much more vivid, like the contrast has been turned up. The world seems to 'zing' more. I'm acutely aware of touch, sounds- everything.

And then it all gets too much, I don't sit still; if you tied me down I would still be buzzing and squirming! I don't sleep- at all. Actually, this is one of the first warning signs something is not right. This lack of sleep progresses to the extent that even z-class sedatives have no effect, when normally even antihistamines knock me out cold for hours. I crash and burn, as theycallmemrsboombastic said. It feels like being on the very top of a rollercoaster, just before it plunges down; utterly terrifying and out of control. In many ways this is the hardest point for me, as I recognise just how ill I am. Up until that point, I don't feel ill at all; in many ways I feel 'better', and normal. My speech is affected at this point too- I struggle to understand what is being said to me, and find it really hard to actually get words out. My concentration is shot to pieces.

What I've written is a full blown episode, which thank god doesn't happen very often anymore. More usually, I have a 'blip' when I get the feeling of hyperactivity and super happiness, but I have some control over it. I have strategies that massively reduce the impact of these blips, namely meditation and forcing myself to go slow, which means that I can maintain a normal life. DP can tell I'm cycling somewhat, because he knows me so well, but most people wouldn't. I can't help but feel I have a love affair for my meds- they have quite literally given me my life back!

In terms of how best to support, I can only tell you what works for me. I consider myself amazingly lucky- DP is the most amazing man who understands that when I'm really ill, I can't help my behaviour, because I genuinely don't recognise it. I have no comprehension something's wrong, or my behaviour isn't normal. He's sees it for what it is, a symptom of my illness, and I can no more help it than you would be able to not have a runny nose if you had a heavy cold. Of course, when I'm no longer manic, I'm mortified. At that point he holds me, comforts me, and tells me it was ok, and that I didn't do anything really bad. He'll also look after me physically when I'm depressed, when I retreat from the world at best, and sometimes become catatonic. That really sucks...

When I was well, fairly early on, we had a big discussion on how best to deal with it- we wrote a care plan, in effect. Hence we have to agreement that he'll take care of my cards, and give me cash to minimise my overspending. He also has all the numbers of the local crisis team, and my total permission to call in the professionals at any point if he thinks I need it. He sees that I take meds, and will sedate me if he thinks I need it. This applies even if I'm arguing at the time. He's quite inventive in making a medicated smoothie! The important thing here is that he has my written consent to do all this- an advance directive in effect, because both of us realise that I don't also have the capacity to make the best decision myself. And it works because he knows me so well, he can spot the warning signs a mile away. I trust him implicitly, and know that he would never abuse this.

Lordy, this is long- again. You guys will get so bored of me wittering on...

This is all really enlightening. Thank you for sharing your experiences :)

Thanks for posting - this is far from boring. I am diagosed OCD and have periods of depression and anxiety.
theycallmemrsboombastic: I have also had the type of screaming/shouting episodes you described above. I have always wondered if this is to do with OCD because it doesn't seem normal somehow. At the time, I am also overwhelmed. These are very short-lived and I have lots of guilt afterwards.

I was diagnosed bipolar two years ago, although psych has never told me 1 or 2. I suspect 2 as I don't think I have ever had a major manic episode, but hypomania.

I'm currently pregnant, off meds. Not coping too well (can't sleep, have cleaned house from top to bottom, heart racing) but at least I am still rational at moment! One of things I find hardest is separating normal emotions from possible BP ones. Or at the moment, pregnancy ones. So today I raged and screamed and shouted. And cried. But is that BP, or just pregnancy hormones?