Trying not to but...........

[nutcracker]

Am feeling like shite today

What's happening Nutcracker?

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I feel so guilty and tired and sad and lonely and stressed and just shite.

I know i kicked him out cos i don't love him anymore but it is still so hard to watch him suffer like this. If someone did the same to me i'd be devestated.

But you suffered when you were with him.

Did you find out about HA stuff?

Only a little bit, basically he will have a long wait for somewhere.

I am also mildly worried that his mother may turn up.

what could his mother do? is she really that bad?

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His mother is an evil evil person and apparently has already had a good rant and rave about me since he told her. She was saying how it was my fault that i kept him away from the rest of his family etc and that no one hrts her kids and gets away with it.

did he tell you that?

Yeah and i don't doubt it is true , she really is a nasty peice of work.

I asked him what she'd said about the whole thing see.

nutty, her views are irrelevant. She isnt the one who has had to live with his paranioa on a day to day basis.

he has told you that to make you feel like crap- and he has suceeded. You know that what she has said is a load of bollocks. He never made any contact with his other kids unless you forced him to, not because you didnt want him to.

let him sort himself nutty, he is an adult. As for his mother- surely she must be getting on abit now senile old bat.

I think i am worried i have made the wrong desicion.

right- list in what ways you could of made the wrong decision-

Oh Nutty, I didn't know you'd thrown him out
That took some guts girl.

It's common to regret it afterwards. Whilst in a bad relationship you focus on the bad times, but when it's ended ou remember all the good points.

Remember how bad you felt when with him.

I'm just wondering wether we tried hard enough to make it work. We never went out together, he wanted to but i couldn't be arsed. We nedver had any quialty time alone or with the kids.

I know i am waffling

nutty, do an archive search on all of your old posts about how unbearable this man was to live with.

if he had come to your house today and said " ive got a flat sorted blah blah blah" then ill bet my wages that you wouldnt be questioning whether or not you had done the right thing.

because he is incapable of sorting his own life out, you are now feeling like a wretch for doing something that you should of done ages ago.

he is not a stupid man nutty, he knows that the first way of getting back in your house, is by wallowing in self pity.

Yeah your right i know, am just feeling really lonely today and even miss him.

I hate hate hate going to bed. Didn't go until 1 this morning cos I hate going on my own.

IF( and i mean IF) you did take him back, do you think he will change?

No

well then, think about how happy you will be in a few months when he has sorted himself out.
why should you sacrifice your happiness?

My guess is that if you hadn't told him to leave he would still be acting in exactly the same way that he always has. And of course he arranged the Valentines card before he left...er...right...

Stay strong, Nutty. xx