Can anyone advise re: counselling/cbt/whatever?

[SparkyDuchess]

Hello, I realised last night that I need some help to make sense of some of the things going on in my head, but I don't really know where to start.

I need someone to talk the issues over with (been talking to my very lovely DH but he and I both know I hold things back as I don't want him worrying),and I need to find a way of changing how I react to certain things.

Where do I start? I'll make a gp appt as at least some of it is ( I think) related to peri menopause, but a lot of it is childhood stuff being triggered as DS is hitting his teens.

I'd be glad of any advice, very raw this morning after losing the plot a bit last night

I think you have already taken the first step in realising there is a problem and making positive steps to seek help so a big well done to you for that. I would also speak to your GP about the child hood stuff as they will be able to advise you better.

In the mean time talking to friends and family can be a real help they may not be able to solve issues or give you advise but they can listen and I have found just being able to talk to someone can be a real help.

Good luck x

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) deals with what is happening to you in the here and now and helps you develop strategies. It could help you manage your reactions to the triggers you are getting.

Counselling is often taken to mean person centred counselling, which means that you lead and talk about what is happening for you with some guidance from the counsellor but not a lot of steering or input.

Psychotherapy or psychodynamic therapy involves a psychotherapist helping you systematically dig through your past (particularly starting with early childhood) to make sense of what happened and how it is affecting you now.

This is very brief as there are many different schools of therapy, and methods, and a good therapist will have more than one method at their disposal.

Thanks for the replies, I had a feeling CBT plus something is maybe the way to go. I'm struggling because I don't know how to handle conflict in any 'normal' way - I just avoid it, or shutdown/break down when I can't.

There's no way I can avoid conflict with a teenage DS, and the way I reacted to a very minor incident last night proves I have to change the way I deal with it.

I don't want to dig through the past - I've done enough thinking to know where the problem started, and why. I need help though to change the way I react as it's not reasonable to expect DS to not express frustration/anger. I don't want to be that mum that cried every time we disagreed!

DH has helped enormously to get me this far, but he's stumped too now as to how to stop me feeling like the world ends when an argument arises. The best way I can describe is it feels like every row, no matter how small, erodes the relationship between DS and I, and I'm terrified that one day, it'll all be gone. I know that's not rational, particularly as I actually have a spectacularly good relationship with DS and I know he loves the very bones of me. I just don't have any sort of model for this because of my own childhood.

Right, I'll stop waffling now :)

I won't ask what the issues are as I assume they are very personal to you and your family. From what you have said I think you have admitted there is an issue, recognised why there is an issue, and are seeking help. I think that is three pretty amazing steps. you seem to have a lot of support from family. I think all I can say is well done for what you have already done and good luck x