struggling

[jan2011]

hi, i think it might help to write some of how im feeling.

baby 6 months, rocky marriage - at the start i adjusted very well to the babies arrival, but its become more stressful as her sleep isn't as good now, and my marriage has been going through some very bad patches.

anyway, over the last couple of months ive been feeling really low and not coping on a lot of days...im worried about it. i thought my life was going somewhere once i had the baby, as she opened my eyes to so many things i hadn't seen in life before, i was happier than before. but now things have gone majorly downhill...

when people text to meet up, i make excuses. im isolating myself, when i get spare time i just don't cope i get more depressed. i DO get help with the baby which makes me feel even more guilty. mum helps and dh gives me some time out now and again. i had depression before and i do not want to admit that i have any issues now to mum or anyone else....dh knows.

i am bf so am limited to drugs which i can take, also in the past all the drugs made me gain weight and the side effects made me tired and lose motivation. if i get any more tired, i will literally not be able to lift my baby as i feel tired and weak a lot.

its hard to motivate myself to get out with the baby. a couple of months ago i was out every day, doing all i could fit in and loving it. i feel i am losing control and don't know what to do. i don't know if its pnd as i don't have diffcult feelings concerning the baby - they are not about the baby they are about me and life in general at the minute. yes the baby makes life a lot harder work but also more joyful for me....i don't think its to do with the baby to be honest. i think its just been a mixture of too much stress and ive just broke down or something.

sorry for going on and on. thanks for listening!

Jan 6 months is still relatively early days in baby land-you say you have been depressed before do you recognise any of what you are feeling now from your previous experiences?. I would definitely recommend getting out and about more art galleries, museum, coffee shop with your fave magazine-also do you have any friends with children? i couldnt cope without mine to have a good moan too or a giggle about the absurdities of being a mother!. If you think it is depression please get to a doctor they can really help you-best of luck and it all gets much easier in time.

thanks CheifPotterer. i am finding it very hard at the minute to motivate myself to get out and about when im so tired. i want to do all those things but i find myself getting more isolated because i just can't keep up with everything. i do have some friends with children so i have to make more of an effort. i do recognise that im struggling again from previous experience and its all so much harder in some ways because i have a baby taking up my energy now too - but the baby also distracts me from the negativity at the same time. stuff like feeding her is very draining. she won't spoon feed or eat finger food and im getting a lot of pressure from other people. i hate the competition around babies. she is a small baby too so it looks like she isn't growing well but in actual fact she is on her percentile and always has been, she is just on a small one. she is very strong alert and spirited and i know there is nothing wrong with her but i feel a failure because she won't take from a spoon and cries if i persist with it. stuff like this makes me feel worse. i might go to the doctors

Again 6 months is still early days dontt let yourself fret about spoon feeding as long as she gets plenty of milk she will be fine! my second child hardly ate a bite at the start and is now a strong healthy two year old who eats loads- motherhood is all-consuming and especially tough if you aren't feeling well. As for pressure from others do not entertain it you know what your baby needs ignore any pressure do it your way. Remember all us mummy have worry and panic about whether we are doing the right thing it takes a while to build up your confidence in your own parenting. Take care and if you do find depression creeping in get to the doctor I loved getting my confidence back and not seeing days out as a chore after my ADs had kicked in!.

thanks so much for replying to me you have helped me a lot. that is just the way it feels - a chore to go anywhere and socialise. i will try to ignore the pressure and just do what i can do. im so glad you are doing better now :)