Can I face the fear?

[Justonemoreissue]

This is an ongoing problem for me and I have had counselling but it doesn't seems to work.

I'm scared. Not paralysing, overwhelming fear, but fear nonetheless. I've posted (under my usual n/name) in a jokey manner about it, but I think I need to do something.

The fear is (when I write it out) a bit stupid really and a bit hard to describe. I think it's best explained by an example. DS has been ill, as have I, and I've had disturbed nights as I've been sleeping with him (co-sleep when he's ill). Usually DH alternates with me so we each get a full nights rest, but he's been on-call this week so can't stay with DS as he needs to have his mobile on all the time and could be asked to go out. Usually not an issue, but just bad timing. He has tried to let me get sleep in the evening, but I've not been tired then.

Anyway, my house is not the tidied or most dusted it's ever been. And I'm terrified that someone will come round and give me a row. Not someone specific, just "someone". Same goes for having things washed - my bed should have been washed (I try for weekly) yesterday, but I needed to get out with DS, so we went out for the afternoon. So I apologised to my DH for not having done it - and quite rightly he was a bit bemused and told me to stop being silly. And if people come round, the first words out of my mouth are - "excuse the mess, I haven't had a chance to tidy", even if I've been up all night (and there have been times) tidying.

The same goes for clothing. I can't just pop to the corner shop at 7am for a pint of milk in a pair of jogging trousers; I've got to be fully dressed, hair done and make up on.

And yet, DS is better today and is playing happily - just requiring me to throw in an occasional comment/pass him a toy, but I can't be bothered to go and tidy. It's all too overwhelming, I don't know where to start and so I don't - and the cycle perpetuates.

I've been trying (and to some extent succeeding) to use the FlyLady system, but the trouble is it's my DH who really has the clutter - and with him working full time, it's a bit awkward trying to get the time to organise things as DS just won't let us do it.

I just want to stop feeling scared of being judged and found wanting; to stop being a frightened little girl and become a confident woman. Counselling doesn't seem to help - I'm reasonably intelligent and self-aware so I know why I do it, and they suggest ways to stop (baby steps etc) but it doesn't reset the mental link; I even feel stupid for posting and am sure that no one will reply because it's so stupid and not worth spending time on.

Does anyone else feel like this?

It's not stupid to post on here OP - sometimes it is therapeutic to just write down what is in your head. You say you know the origin of your problems, and I'm sure this relates to something in your childhood. This is true for all of us, most of our fears,anxieties etc are an echo of something that happened in childhood, and sometimes we are not even aware of this link (in fact many people are unaware) and it can take a good therapist to help unravel what happened in the past (the there and then) and how this relates to the "here and now" . Mind that doesn't mean that there will be massive changes but being aware is the first step.

You say counselling hasn't helped but sometimes that is because there is not a "connection" between you and the therapist, and what kind of counselling you have had. CBT may be helpful for the "here and now" stuff in terms of giving you strategies for coping, but you need a psycotherapist who can help you to unearth your past (buried trauma) and sometimes just letting it see the light of day can reduce its power.

I am no therapist and am on here because of depression and anxiety, so I know the torment of these mental illnesses. Sorry I don't know what the Flylady system is. The most important thing in your post was that you wanted to stop feeling scared of being judged and found wanting surely this must relate to your childhood experiences. Maybe you are not conscious of this as when we are children we learn to do whatever we need to in order to survive and the parent messages become unconsious thoughts that w don't relate to the "here and now" - sorry if I'm on the wrong track and you may be well aware of all this yourself anyway.

I just wanted to post that I agree with Nana. I know from experience sometimes when you're worried you think ah but that's just one person's opinion. I feel like this at times to a lesser extent. Mine is more focused on work but I can sympathise.
I've had person centred counselling a few times but last year my GP referred me and l had some anxiety management, where I learned techniques to manage my irrational thoughts as they surfaced. It's really helped me and when I feel myself escalating I can help myself simply by having a pen and paper.
I think it's worth pursuing getting more help. You don't have to life with this constant fear. I think you know that or you wouldn't have posted this. Explain this to your GP and see if there's any options. I'd also recommend the mood gym which is something you can do online to start helping yourself from home if you wish. I hope that helps a bit.

Have you thought of having hypnotherapy related to self esteem?

I think i understand.is it like you are assuming others will judge you and you are trying to justify your actions (or inactions) in your head?
You might find the living life to the full website helpful.its based on cognitive behavioural therapy .i know many people who have used it and found it very helpful.it is free.
Good luck
(www.llttf.com)