How to help my friend suffering from depression?

[KBear]

A friend of mine is suffering from depression, she's seen the doc who has given her anti-depressants. She also says at her time of the month she is like a raging bull.

She said she is having a tough time with her two kids too and is constantly telling me how awful their behaviour is, especially her eldest (7). Sounds like general stuff like having to shout at them in the mornings to get ready for school etc. They are lovely kids but the eldest is a bit jealous of the youngest and acts up a bit.

I don't know much about depression but I really would like to help her. I'd like her to know I will support her in any way I can BUT I'm scared I might start her off and maybe make it worse with anything I might say. I've had both her kids round from time to time to give her break but last time I invited them for tea it seemed to stress her out even more and she seemed almost cross with me for inviting them.

Outwardly she seems fine but today she said at the weekend she felt like driving her car into a brick wall.

How do I help or should I butt out?

anyone?

What about suggesting you and her do something nice with each other? A trip to the cinema? A meal out? Something to positive to boost the way she feels about herself and about her relationship with you?

Maybe the reason you having her kids didn't help last time was because she saw it in a negative way, ie she thought you were thinking she can't cope with them.

When you are depressed, you do see totally normal things in a very negative light.

Just be there for her. Listen when she wants to talk. Try not to offer advice. It might get very hard, but she needs a friend at a time like this.

My best friend was suffering from manic depression about 4 years ago and the majority of her friends stopped seeing her. I used to see her as often as I could, even though it was very hard because she used to talk about killing herself all the time.

She's over it now and has said that it really helped just knowing that I was there and she could talk to me.

I invited them round for tea on my DD's birthday though so didn't make her feel like I was doing her favour. I gave her four days notice but she seemed just stressed that it was out of the normal routine and it spun her out. I was quite upset at her reaction.

I know she doesn't LOVE motherhood the way I do, i don't judge her in the least, we're all different but I think her kids sense it and that's why they play her up.

I don't think inviting her out will help to be honest - she has a full life and does quite alot socially. She doesn't need me in that respect, if at all. I just worried that she said about driving into a brick wall.

Then BonyM's advice is best.

Thanks, I don't offer her any advice really - I'm kind of stuck for words when she rants to me about how awful her DD is being and I don't know what to say so I try not to comment specifically or I'm in danger of sounding like my DD is a angel and never does wrong.

She quite forthright in speaking her mind about what I do and my life though. I'm a homemaker kind of person (I love making and baking and can sew, that kind of stuff, purely because my mum taught me) although I do work outside the home too as does she - but she makes me feel like I'm trying to get one over on her because I make birthday cakes, she buys them, that makes me superwoman in her eyes and I'm condemned for that. That's just an example of how I have to tread carefully.

I'm probably rambling. I do like her and we get on well but these past few weeks I've noticed her moods are spilling over and after we part at the school gate I'm left wondering what I did to upset her this time.

Maybe I will just keep my head down for a while!