Single parent with Borderline Personality Disorder :(

[Scaredandcrazy]

I'm a regular, have name-changed for obvious reasons...

Long story - was diagnosed with BPD years ago in another country, had therapy, moved on, all ok. Did not tell my new doctor here about it - I was ok, I didn't want the label & it didn't seem important.

But now it's come back to haunt me. I'm scared, emotionally unstable and need help. But I'm now a single parent. I can't lose my DC. I'm not a danger to them but don't know how BPD is viewed here. If I seek help, what will happen? This might not be the right place to ask but I don't know where else to look. BPD forums are daunting.

You have my sympathy, BPD is a horrible illness and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I understand why you don't want to be labelled with it again, it isn't always a helpful label to have - could you try going to your GP and explaining the way you've been feeling without mentioning your previous diagnosis? I don't know which country you were in when you were first diagnosed, but I don't think it is as frequently diagnosed here in the UK as it is in the USA or Canada. You might be able to get referred for treatment/counselling for depression, which could be helpful, and if it's not then at least you'll already be familiar with the MH team so they will have got to know you before deciding any opinions of you based on a BPD label, if that makes sense? Well done for coming to terms with the fact that you need help to get it back under control, that is such a hard step to make so you've won one battle already! I definitely think you should share your concerns with a GP, but perhaps without explicitly mentioning BPD. Good luck! You've beaten it once, so I'm sure you will succeed again. :)

Thank you Rumplestiltkine.

I have been seeing my GP re depression & mentioned impulsivity which he dismissed. I've been referred to MH team but am a bit scared this'll all come out. I don't want to risk losing DC so I'll do as you say and not mention BPD and see how things go. I just want to get back on an even keel & not feel so all over the place with my emotions.

I never expected to have to deal with all this again so it feels a bit disappointing. No-one warned me it would be a problem again and I fought so hard last time to be well that I thought I'd only have to do it once & then I'd be cured. This is a bit of a shock to the system.

you wont lose your dc, its important you speak to them. Many people with bpd sucessfully care for their children, but it can cause difficulties if you refuse help or treatment. Its not your diagnosis that will be the concern, but your actions and how you are with your children.

Good luck

Thank you.

Thinking about it, I won custody of DC shortly after I was diagnosed - it was discussed in detail at the time so shouldn't be an issue now. And I'm much more stable now than I was then so perhaps I shouldn't panic. I will be honest and accept treatment - I've asked for help so they know I recognise when I am in need of some support. I have been very clear about my concerns & I really think I don't pose a threat to DC. I am careful to remain relatively calm and balanced til after bedtime. Then, when I am alone, I meltdown but can control it to some extent.

Are you in the UK? I'm a single mum with BPD, and I've definitely never felt that my MH team have any serious concerns (or any particular interest at all in fact) regarding my parenting. Any discussion re: the kids has never really progressed beyond the names/ages stage tbh. And I've done plenty of dreadful, dreadful things whilst the kids have been at home unfortunately.

Thank you, thepeoplesprincess, I am in the UK so your post is very reassuring. I haven't done anything terrible when DC around (apart from serious suicide attempt - that IS quite terrible actually but was so long ago and DC so tiny that I didn't count it) - I SH but do it when alone and in places where it can't be seen. I don't know why I feel so scared. I think I'm scared of myself actually.

you can probably honestly say that life at the moment has meant you can feel that the BPD is rearing it's ugly head and you conquered it before and you want help to keep it under control again. It's great that you are aware that you've become impulsive so early on.