Question!

[Darciesmum]

Hi

I started seeing a lovely man beginning of Jan,
everything is going well but he told me yesterday he suffers with anxiety attacks and a bout of depression normally follows, and he has been feeling like this for a few months so b4 he met me, and says his body has just had enough at the moment.
He is getting really stressed at the moment as he is setting up his own business and is due to launch in 5 weeks.

I had a bout of depression a few years ago but nothing to bad, and never had anxiety attacks, is there anything i can do to make him feel better?

Its my birthday on weds and i'm going out for a meal with my family and DP is invited but he said now he feels like this he's doesn't want to leave the house, so also means our special valentines has been put on hold!

I just want to know what i can do to make him feel better about himself. Any Suggestions?

thanx

The fact that he isn't frightened to acknowledge his depression is important - at least he knows what is causing the problem, and isn't frightened to tell you about it. Is his depression being treated? If not, one important thing you could do is to encourage him to see the GP for help. Assure him that something can be done to help him - it doesn't need to be medication if that's not what he wants - but that he must want that help for himself, you can't do it for him.

Try not to blame him for his depression, or for the fact that you may feel resentful that your special Valentine's day has been put on hold. He's probably already feeling bad about that, and if he thinks it has upset you then it's likely to make him more depressed.

Just show him that you care by listening without judging, showing appreciation when he does something for you, boosting his self-esteem. Just spending time with him can help, and if he can talk to you then he may find that helps too.

Be careful that you don't get too bogged down by it all. Supporting someone who is depressed can be hard work and frustrating - you can see how they can help themselves but they can't. Make sure that you take the time to be nice to yourself as well, because if you take on to yourself too much of the responsibility for his depression, it could make you depressed too.

Thanx WWB

I don't feel resentful about valentines day,
he said he's going to see the GP bout getting signed off work because he feels so down.

I've told him i'm there for him and we can sit and chat about what is getting him down but i havent heard from him today and just want to know he is okay, its worrying me!!

Just being understanding and being there as and when you are needed is a huge thing.

I get the same kind of thing - I can be poddling along fine, and then I feel it building up, and I know that I will have a few weeks of feeling very low and just wanting to hide from the world (sometimes panic attacks preceed it, sometimes not).

The best thing for me is when people understand and just let me be. I know that I will get past it, and cope better when I can deal with it in my own way (I get worse when friends try to "drag me out of it" and insist I go out and be sociable, because its not "healthy" to be alone etc).

His seems to last longer than mine do, but I get the feeling that, like me, he knows what works best and how to handle it - just ask how he wants you to be, and go with it.

thanx Flamesparrow

I've txt him to let him know i'm there for him and if he wants to chat all he has to do is call.
If he wants to be alone to sort himself out then i'll support him which everway i can, but need to know what that is and haven't heard from him.

bump

Darciesmum, I've found with anxiety that it sometimes helps to have humour and light-hearted fun. Not people dragging you out or forcing you to do something energetic (agree with you flamesparrow) - but just someone sticking on a comedy video without making a big deal of it, or order a takeaway and suggest a game of cards etc can take your mind of your concerns.
Also there is nothing worse than when people with the best intentions make light of your anxieties by saying there is nothing to worry about and dont be silly etc - they are prob right but it feels like trivialising something which is a real issue for you.
hope this helps a little

Hi

well DP has felt a little better this week he spent wed evening with my family as it was my b/day and that made him feel better coz we r all mad as hatters

We r just taking it as it comes at the moment

Thanx for all your comments really appreciated

Hi

I thought everything was going well we have had a great 2 weeks but today he went back to the way he was feeling down and needing to sort his head out. He said nothing to do with me and would still like to be with me, but not sure how long this would take. He is also on tablets for his anxiety which make him nauseous and i think they are making him worse.

I've told him i'm there for him in which ever way i can be, as i've had the problem a few times b4. But i've never been on the other side iykwim. So advice would be really grateful.

BUMP

BUMP

I think we all get bad few days from time to time - my personal belief is that it's when they turn into bad few weeks rather than days it's time to start going back to the GP. How long ago did he start the anti-anxiety meds? What was he prescribed? Avoid caffeine/alcohol, and eating and drinking healthily and getting exercise should help a little bit - healthy mind in healthy body and all that

Hi,

He's been taking the drugs for a couple of weeks, can't remember the name. He doesn't drink and i eat healthy so trying to help him do the same. He exercises on the golf course every sat and sunday and poss one day in the week. so getting plenty of exercise.
Just not sure what to do!

Just one word of caution. Expect a lot of hard work. I have supported my dp for three and a half years through varying degrees of depression and I don't think I will ever stop supporting him but if I am deeply honest I'd have to say i wish I'd walked away at the beginning. Only you know the answers. I offer only one opinion of one experience but just thought I'd share.

Reckon I'd feel differently if we didn't have children but it affects them too and I feel guilty about that.