Help me - it's all so bleak

[iHeartTheoJames]

I feel sick and nauseous, everything's grey, there's no happiness, no joy, just the motions

Things were tiring and stressful at times but on the whole so good till a few months ago.

My eldest, jealous of the youngest, told social services a pack of lies. An assessment was made, weeks and weeks of stress and raw nerves before the case was closed. This should be good news, it is good news, but ever since I have been feeling so bleak.

I was bullied by the social worker, data protection was breached, misquoted in their notes, incorrect information was recorded, inappropriate questions made to my eldest, took legal advice and was told not to do anything about it in case it prompts them to escalate things.

My eldest is enjoying their new powers, acting with a sense of impunity, playing on my fear of social services.

It's changed how we all interact with each other, gone is the easyness, the 'just being', now there's a chasm

It's impossible to feel happy anymore. Going to the Dr is not an option as the social worker contacted them, I don't want it now reported I am feeling depressed

you dont need to see the dr to start feeling better.
I cant imagine how that must feel, by your own child.
go to your local health shop and buy some 5htp, its a natural ssrui thing and it does work, it highers your seratonin levels and helps with sleep.
The st johns wort you could try aswel, but dont take them together.

Could you go away and stay with fmaily for a couple of days? its liekly grandparents wont put up with any of your eldists shit and it might do them good (and you) to be in a fmaily setting where its not so focused on the strain. Your eldest might start to slot in place.

Dont do anything legal til you are WELL clear of ss.
I dont envy you, this must be soul destroying.

That sounds like a horrible situation to be in and I have no easy advice on how to solve this other than talk it over with a good friend or a counselor. A lot.

Oh and (sorry whitemice) I cannot recommend that you take 5HTP. It's not been fully tested and the tests that have been undertaken show inflammation of heart valves as a possible side effect.

St Johnswort is fully tested (because it is prescribed by doctors in other European countries) and can help with mild/moderate depression although is not very good for anxious feelings.

The strength of your feelings suggest a trip to the Gp in my book rather than self medication.

It's no bad thing for the doctor and social services to know that you feel down after what has happened. Don't fall for the same false belief that too many do that being depressed is a sign that you are not coping.

Thanks madmouse, but after my recent experience with ss I don't trust them not to twist things, they already have done with other things. Ironically I was coping just fine until they bullied me and destroyed my relationship with people at the school. Not to mention the affect they have had on the relationship I have with my children.

I will not let them, or the doctor, know how I am feeling.

St Johns Wort doesn't sound right for me as I have been feeling anxious. I shall just have to find other ways to help myself or hope time is a healer

Sorry to hear this has happened, and shame you don't have access to a different GP who might help. Things will probably improve with time, meanwhile I can recommend Berrocca (vitamin tablets), someone to talk to and any outdoor exercise as practical self-help.