Is this depression? Feel like I just can't cope any more.

[WhenImDown]

I think maybe I have pnd. I don't know, some of what I'm feeling is how I've always been, or at least for a long time. But I've had a really bad week which makes me feel that I need to do something.

I have 2 beautiful DDs- a 3 year old and 9 month old. They're great and not too much trouble, but although I know I love them, I often struggle to feel it iyswim. I also feel like a total failure as a mum because the baby isn't in a routine, doesn't sleep well and is clingy, and I find it hard to balance their needs when I'm on my own.

I'm convinced I'm a failure because I can never get the house looking how I want it. This is a big issue to me and I spend ages stressing over it. I believe it should be close to perfect.

I get very angry very easily. It happens when I'm upset about the state of the house, or when both DDs want my attention. I control my temper but inside I really want to smash something or punch a wall. (I have never done anything like this).

I often feel like I can't cope. I sometimes fantasize about just running away and leaving DH with the children.

I don't really enjoy anything or look forward to anything at the moment, and I do feel really down. But I'm ok a lot of the time too, as I say this has been a bad week so maybe I'm just being a drama queen.

My relationship with my DH is suffering. I have no sex drive at all and he thinks I am being unusually negative and worried all the time.

Reading back, I think I have answered my own question, haven't I?
Where do I go from here? Do I really need to see my GP, or can I just work through this? Can/will it get better on its own? Feeling really lost.

Yes. You sound like me a few months ago. Go to your GP, it won't get better on its own.

You don't have to feel like this, get help and enjoy life rather than endure it. Your family and you will benefit enormously and you will wonder why you left it so long.
Feel like giving you very unmumsnetty HUGS because I know how you feel and I know it will get better.
xx

I think it is very likely yes. It is really tough, I have been there too. Go to your GP and get some advice. I had CBT which was definitely helpful, I didn't take anti-depressants because I am a bit phobic about mind altering drugs, but frankly I probably should have taken them as I got very low. I ended up going on the pill which has actually made a big difference, I think my hormones were all over the place and I had severe PMT.

Talk about it with trusted people as well, its much better to get it all out in the open. Huge hugs, it will get better but you really must get help rather than suffer in silence.

Thank you both for replying.

You're right, I will go to see my GP. For some reason I feel really hesitant to go on ADs, although I know there's no logical reason to feel that way.

I have been talking to my DH about it tonight and I know he will be really supportive whatever happens. He has been quite concerned about me I think.

Well done for talking about it with your H. Hope you get some good help from your GP. Don't forget you can take your H with you to the GP appt if you need some support. Take care x