A bit humiliated, very demoralised and completely at sea

[lotney]

I've seen the GP today because I've had problems with pain which is preventing me from running, which I took up a few months ago and love. Basically I'm too heavy and the impact is more than my joints can take so I need to lose weight.

I've already talked to another doctor at the practice about my problems with binge eating and she told me to distract myself. I thought it was helpful advice at the time but it's become clear that if it was that simple I'd have done it at some point in the last 20 years.

So I ended up rehashing this stuff with the GP I saw today, explaining that I found it a problem, and he started giving me motivation tips like imagining how much exercise I''d have to do to burn off whatever food item I'm planning on eating. I don't need motivation. I need a way of controlling myself.

I feel like I've asked for help twice now (it's a fucking difficult and shameful thing to admit to) and both times been told in short that it's my greed that's the problem. Maybe I am greedy, but are bulimics greedy? Because I can't stop this.

DH was great when I confessed this stuff to him a few months ago. I told him I wanted to talk to him about it tonight and he fell asleep after initiating a conversation about it :(

I feel like a pathetic weak-willed fat fool but part of me thinks I need help. The thing is, maybe that's just what I want to believe and I am just greedy? Feel like a normal life is within reach but I need someone to throw me a rope and they won't :(

I doubt you're just greedy. The fact that you feel you cannot control it is a sign it's more than that.

This book is worth a look. It contains a properly CBT based step program to follow. I cannot say that it has healed my binge eating, the causes for me are very deep and I've been working hard on those, but the book has helped improve things a lot.

Thanks madmouse. Did you find other support? I'm glad things are better for you.

I am an overweight but mostly recovered binge eater. Sorry you found the GP so unhelpful. TBH I would never have felt confident enough to discuss the emotional side of overeating with a medical professional, so well done for trying. As I have never sought help for that aspect, but rather the health implications, I am afraid I can't advise on counselling/psychological help, but possibly some of my thoughts, or just talking to someone with similar issues might help?

Caitlin Moran wrote something very interesting in her recent book, about how binge eating is the refuge of the carer, as you remain functional for all your caring etc duties, in a way you wouldn't if you took to booze/drugs etc to cope, I don't know if that resonates with you at all. I think as with any habit, if you go down the self-help route - and I have absolutely no idea whether your circumstances/background issues make that feasible or if you would need more professional input, it's a matter of identifying triggers, and either avoiding them, or more practically, responding to them in a way that doesn't involve overeating. IME the vast majority of this overeating is far more complex than greed, but a way of almost drugging yourself into a numb state. But obviously I just speak for me, and noone else if your reasons are different.

Exercise is very helpful, I find to stave off the overeating. Try and find something else to do to fill the running slot, I would have thought power walking was ideal, as it gets you out of the house and is free.

Btw as a gross generalisation, I find having v regular meal and snack times helps, as it keeps my blood sugar level, and reduces the urge to overeat. Eg. I found a trigger time for overreating was after work/school run, so now I allow myself a healthyish snack around that time instead.

Write it down what where how you felt did you have to get food or was it easily available do this for a week and then review and look for patterns and try to replace bad patterns with good ones like lightpassenger has suggested

Eat Less (it's a book) has worked wonders for me. Simple but really works for my addictive overeating.

Thank you both. A diary sounds good. And you

Drugging is a good description. I tend to binge on sugar or refined carbs and it makes me feel dreadful - short-tempered, exhausted, distracted and obviously bloated. But it does bring a numbness I suppose, that satisfaction of having eaten is there too.

I've wondered whether the Paul McKenna stuff might help reset my attitudes to food. I have posted about thus before madmouse and I forgot that I'd bid on but lost an auction for it on eBay so I've ordered it from Amazon now.

lotney I've had a lot of therapy for child abuse related pain. Now focussing on eating normally even if that means not losing weight. Eating was a control mechanism from the age of about 7 so not easy to let it go. The book I recommended was the only thing that's ever made sense. It's available on the NHS book prescription program as well.

I'm sorry you've had to go through that :(

I don't know why I've become like this.

It's likely that you developed it as a coping strategy for something or other at one point. Doesn't have to be something that immediately looks serious.

Oh lotney I feel for you. I have several stone to lose. I have also signed up for a 5k run later this year. On the exercise front could you walk or find somewhere to swim (me in a cozzie. Haha yuk). I am sure you will feel better if you can do something. I have identified my triggers and try not to buy anything I will stuff my face with. You don't sound like a greedy person at all but rather someone with a compulsion. If it helps I have been at this for a couple of months and am seeing/feeling positive results. I still struggle at times but try to focus on moving in the right direction. Let us know how you get on.

It's funny, the exercise (running) really helped clarify things for me. Exercise helps lots but I overeat which is why I'm fat. Exercising didn't stop the bingeing. The problem is food, the solution therefore is to change how I deal with food. Exercise is an aid but not a solution. That was a revelation (sounds silly, I know).

I think in some respects I don't love myself much. I am better and more assertive and definitely happier and more secure and confident than I was ten years ago. But something isn't right. In many ways the thing I don't love is the bingeing but I need to find a way to fix it.

I also feel ready to face it just now. Which is new. I need DH's help though. He apologised first thing this morning and said we can talk tonight if I want.

lotney I can absolutely identify about what you say. My own thinking about food has crystallised in the same way as you describe very clearly above i.e. bingeing is the problem. I exercise a lot and enjoy it enormously but really need to deal with my problematic relationship with food.

Thank you.