It seems that my DSIL has developed an eating disorder. She eats very little, fibs/makes excuses for why she can't eat and eats only very small amounts.
Her weight has plummeted in the last 8 months or so.
Complicating the issue is anxiety, a chronic pain issue and some over-zealous prescribing of pain relief and mood meds by a GP. She is now off the mood meds but is probably still in withdrawal and as such is very irritable and withdrawn at the moment.
My other big concern is that my SIL has recently made a new BFF who seems to be a kind of an accomplice. At first this friend seemed to be really helping my SIL with her anxiety issue and was supportive. But now, having met this friend and watched her and my SIL 'eat' a piece of cake together (they halved it, discussed at length what was in it, watched each other eat like hawks, compared how much each had eaten, and then left most of it on the plate) I am beginning to think that she is influencing my SIL in a bad way. This friend also seems quite anxious.
It's as though she (the friend) is normalising this obsession/dieting and has somehow engaged SIL in a competition while managing to appear supportive at the same time.
There are some other tidbits I have heard from other sources about a pact they had about not getting below a certain weight (ha! That seems to have backfired).
My question is - does anyone else have experience of 'frenemy'-type behaviour like this? I have a feeling that if we (her family and real friends) try to disparage her friendship it will only make it worse. We are all quite worried. SIL and her husband live a long distance from us so this makes it difficult for us to help practically. I was thinking of emailing her with my concerns but I don't want to make it all worse.