Can't stop crying today, just so fed up

[fedupwithfeelinglow]

I am a regular poster but have changed my name as I know some mumsnetters in rl and don't really want them knowing.

I've thought long and hard about whether or not to post and finally decided I just want to get it all off my chest so here goes......

I've suffered from depression a few times and am worried about it happening again. I've hated this year so far and today, I've just had enough I know loads of people who are dealing with problems at the moment and I feel bad for feeling low when others have more problems but I just can't help the way I feel.

I've spent most of this afternoon crying so far - trying to hide it from ds! I get really sad at least once a day now and am worried because this is how I start before I end up really depressed and I just can't handle going through all that again.

How do I stop myself getting that bad again?? Trying to think positive but it's not working at the moment.

hey, how are you feeling today? have you managed to talk to dp without falling into the pattern of you 'nagging' (or feeling that you are, and him feeling that you are) and him getting all defensive?
hope you are feeling stronger anyway. thinking of you.

Hi Notacow

Feeling better today, thanks to me putting my feelings down on here it's made me sort of deal with them. My SIL and dh took ds out for a few hours on Sunday to give me time to catch up with some of the mountain of work I have. I sorted out some financial stuff which really helped, it was nice to have to quiet time tbh

Anyway, SIL told dh I was in tears just after she arrived (I'd been crying before she arrived and being female, she noticed and when she asked how I was I just fell apart - she knows what a sod her db can be ).

So far dh has been very different, he spent all of yesterday stripping the old seal from round our bath and resealing it - needed doing for months and months but he needed a kick up the back side from someone other than me (as I'm just a nag ).

Anyway, holding on to positive thoughts. That's so much for letting me sound off on here, it really helped

Any idea what Cod's bh post meant? (was paranoid people thought I was a troll!)

have to admit, i have no idea what bh is. thought it was braxton hicks, but that hardly seems appropriate...

glad dh seems to be helping (in his own way. bless 'em, mine does that too; 'hmmm, shes feeling low, how can i help? i know! i'll change some lightbulbs and oil a squeaky wheel, that'll soon have her on her feet!' ) and glad too that airing the probs has made them a bit easier to deal with. i tell myself EVERY single time i get all wound up about soemthing, and then finally let it out, that i wont bottle it up next time... but i still do, idiot that i can be at times. still, its like banging your head against a brick wall innit? lovely when you stop.

Don't worry, Fedup, it's a guess at what your usual posting name might be. She might at least have sent some cyber hugs but since she didn't, I will:

{{{{{{ }}}}}}}} big hugs

I hope you feel a lot better soon. You've obviously got a huge amount to contend with at the moment, go easy on yourself.

You have had such a lot of good support here fedup, and as usual I have come to the feeling depressed threads too late to offer anything new. Hope you are doing something different as a result of the support you have had, how about the diary idea?

I regularly get low - I guess I bumble along near the bottom of life's happiness barrel most of the time - so I do know that just doing one tiny thing different with your life, and something that feels positive, like keeping a little diary of your feelings, can be enough to bring yourself back from the edge. And yes, this time of year is not helpful. Recently, when I have been having my little lows, I think "If only I could go out into the warm sunshine for a couple of hours" but of course it is freezing cold and grey out there day after day. Recognise that now isn't a good time of year - again, it takes the pressure of you a bit and makes you feel it isn't all down to you, the way you are feeling. Take heart! The snowdrops are coming out in my garden. Spring isn't so far away.

Thanks everyone, I wondered if it was a guess - well she's wrong then

I'm trying to stay positive now and am really looking forward to Spring Yes my dh was great, FOR ONE DAY! Why is it men can't be bothered to help even though they can see how down and stressed you are. Love dh to bits but he's not an easy person to live with!!! I just get really fed up with working my arse off and then him saying he's not going to work in a bar again and things like that. It also doesn't help that I have to get up to start my day and he's still asleep next to me - I just don't want to get out of bed!! MEN!!! (sorry, just venting off there )

Even though we have lots of other problems, the main thing is the job so if he can hurry up and get one, I think we'll all feel so much better. We've wanted to move for over 5 years and just when we look near to getting there, things happen to stop it! Anyway, trying to make do with our situation and look at things positively! One of my businesses has just picked up a bit of extra regular work so that will help financially

I have had a weepy morning but this is because we are having big problems with ds in the night and behaviour - never wanting to where a coat etc. when we go out and today we were late for pre-school and I just cried all the way home - it's a release from being so wound up and the sun is shining now so I'm feeling a little better. I'm going to have a nice shower now as I'm sure that will make me feel better.

I may come back for the odd moan from time to time if that's ok - just helps to get stuff out of my system as I'm fed up with telling dh and him being so crap!

I was thinking the sun might have helped If only it would warm up, as well - don't you think it feels too cold to go out and really enjoy the sunshine as yet? Unless you're sensible enough to wrap up, of course Or to go for a run, har har har as far as I'm concerned...

Sun helped but only for a bit I'm afraid - me and dh split up last night! He thinks we can work things out but I'm fed up with agreeing to try again and months down the line, something else comes up! Anyway, he's still here as got nowhere to go and no money - we're supposed to be talking tonight but SIL is due again this weekend so god knows when we'll talk. Anyway, no doubt I'll be back for advice at some point!

Fauve - yes it is too cold to enjoy outside properly but kids don't think so, spent over an our playing in the garden yesterday!