Anxiety and depression - having weird 'episodes'. Is this normal?

[Ohnoredundo]

I have had acute anxiety since the birth of my son almost a year ago. Intially I had derealisation, intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts but now it's more constantly feeling on edge, like I'm going to drop down dead of a brain heammorage (sp?) or heart attack. Fun times! I have good days and bad. Bad more often than good at the moment.

Over the last several months I'm having a new symptom that's particularly scaring me. It's very difficult to explain how I feel - which is the terrifying part of it. I can be having an okay day when 'it' hits where nothing quite seems right. I quicky get so exhausted with the worry that I have to go and lie down and pull the covers over. My husband tries to talk me round but I feel that because I can't explain how I feel I just need to be alone.

That all sounds quite weird. I'm not on meds as I feel the worry of the potential side effects would increase my anxiety rather than lessen it. I also want to be 'myself' without them. I have [finally] started counselling on the NHS so hoping that helps.

I suppose the reason I've started this thread is for reassurance that I'm not beyond help and that these 'episodes' aren't a sign of something very sinister.

It sounds like panic attacks and certainly not beyond help, just panic attacks which are fucking awful things, brought on by anxiety and nothing more sinister than that i promise you.

It doesn't sound weird, its very common for people suffering from anxiety.

With regards to ADs, they can really help, I wont lie - there are side effects, but for most people they are transient and only last a few days to a week. Frustratingly, they can make the anxiety seem more acute just in the first few days - i had the mother of all panic attacks when i first started taking them, but it was weird, becaue i knew it was down to the meds i just sort of went with it. This was over really quickly and within days i was so much better. I was totally me, more me than i was when i was without them because the anxiety would just rule me from the moment i woke up. I took them for about 2 years and weaned myself off them. I am told that people tend to need to be on them from six months to a year, they are not addictive, but you do have to come off slowly. Maybe have another chat to your doctor.

Now that i am not on medication i use exercise to control the anxiety. It really works, im not talking major gym here, just walking or cycle rides. I also have learnt to recognise when i am over reacting to things and dwelling on unwanted thoughts and i just tell myself im not having it. Mostly, it works.

Thanks for replying Goawaybob. It's a lifeline sometimes is Mumsnet. They're just too much to bear sometimes aren't they? If that's what these new 'episodes' are too, isn't it strange how they can surface in such different ways.

Interesting about the ADs. I'm not 'against' them at all, just so worried about getting the wrong match/ feeling less of myself than I already so. It is vert heartening to see you came off them too as many friends/family have never quite managed and that's also a concern.

I do quite a bit if walking with the pram but I think it could help to take it up a notch. I'm on insulin so it's no easy feat but I've heard lots of anxiety sufferers say running, for example, can really help.

Thanks again for the reassurance. It really helps :) x

Oh and I chortled with recognition at it ruling you from waking up - that's how I feel.

Oh, you've just described me!

I had a baby 15 months ago and have been feeling exactly like you do since. I started to get loads better for a while but the past few it has all come flooding back and I don't know why.

I have the same overwhelming feeling that I'm going to die of a heart attack, that something is seriously wrong. My heart races and I get dizzy and can't breathe properly. I'm also terrified of medication, of side effects, not being 'me', etc.

When I was feeling better I was using breathing exercises and looking into health anxiety, reading about others going through the same thing helped a lot.

Sorry, my post hasn't really helped much has it, but you're not alone.

I hope counselling helps and do see your GP again.

I think that the trouble with mental illness (especially anx & dep) is that recovery is not linear (I know from experience) and you can have 3 steps forward and one step back. I'm afraid it's the nature of the beast. I honestly think anyone suffering from this horrid illness and OP and BICHs it seems like you have post natal depression, should really try medication - it can help a lot and get you on the road to recovery, even though you may not recover as quickly as you would like, the right meds for you should help a lot . They were a life saver for me (not a new mum but an old grandmother!) lightning strikes at any age!

BICH - the symptoms you describe are classic anxiety symptoms as I'm sure you know. You say you are terrified of meds and not being "you" but surely you don't feel like "you" now do you. There is nothing to be scared about meds for anxiety & depression, the worst that can happen is that the forst one prescribed may not suit you and you need to try another.

Hope you can get the GP soon

I felt this way too, it takes time and support to get through it.

I had the same experience, also worried about meds, (but the worry is part of the illness), I took Prozac and felt a bit worse for first two weeks then by third week 70% better. Eight weeks on I am 100% better, please do reconsider, this is an illness like any other and there is treatment.