Esitilopram made me suicidal, and am so scared of sertraline now

[orangeandlemons]

I used to post on MN some years ago, under a different name. Have been off work for 9 weeks now and jut sit feeling crap so thought I'd see if anyone could offer help.

I am a teacher, and the stress of everything was just too much. After a lesson observation, my anxiety spiralled out of control. I was on amitriptiline but it had obviously stopped working. My Gp switched me to imipramine. I went trhough all the side affects, but when my mood started to lift, my anxiety became terrible. I wanted to go to A and E. My Gp took me off them, and put me on mirtazipine. After eating the house out for a week, I refused to take them any more.

She then switched me to escitalopram. They made me feel really zombie like, and caused me to have terrible terrible self harming thoughts which I have never had before. I thought I was going to kill myself. On day 13 I had to stop taking these as I didn't know if I was going to be alive the next day.

I woke up the next day, actually feeling better, but awful thoughts were still there, and I could not go back to that dark place again. I have now switched to sertraline (which have been on before ). Am on day 6 and am terrified that something is going to happen with these too. Feel very down and unmotivated.

Am allergic to 3 other ad's. Have been referred, but still have at least another week of not knowing what is going to happen. Am struggling to hold everything together.

You need to be referred to a consultant psychiatrist, because they are the medication specialists and have far more options than your GP, and far more knowledge. I think the guideline is that GPs refer you after 3 drugs don't work. Is that what you mean with you have been referred?

I had a bad reaction to citalopram and just after that episode my GP says he would refer me to a psychiatrist if I ever needed ADs again.

What other options have been explored? CBT? Counselling?

Yes, that's what I meant. I was seeing one about 3 years ago, and they said I coud self refer. When I tried, they said due to cuts I had to go back to my GP for new referral. This could have been sorted out weks ago if referral had been kept open.

Have been referred for CBT, but not until April. However, I have had it before, and whilst I can see intellectually how it works, it didn't seem to do much for me. I guess if it had worked I wouldn't be here now!