DH seems depressed - how can I help him?

[sarahloumadam]

My DH has described being depressed for a while now (on and off 6 months). He can still function, goes to work etc. but his mood is generally v.low, he sleeps a lot and he is generally so gloomy to be around that I feel claustraphobic being in the same room as him and relieved if he goes out/goes to bed. I know this is horrible but it is really hard. He is very critical and always moaning about something I haven't done. He never just comes in the door happy to see us (I have a DC) and smiling. He doesn't want to talk. He is not happy at work and this seems to be a major part of the problem but - who knows, perhaps he is really unhappy with me too and just can't say it?! He won't go to the doctor. There is a history of depression in the family.

Any advice for me? I want to help him but I don't know how. If I am totally honest I am also getting pissed off. I work so hard and try to make everything OK but I am tired of walking on egg-shells.

I think for your dc sake as well as your own health you really do have to get him to see his GP, a lot of men refuse to beleive they are depressed thinking it's more of a womans problem than a "real mans", I think you could help by perhaps finding relevant web sites/books about depresssion, this might make him realise he does have a problem which can be treated successfully.
Good luck OP hope everything works out ok for you all.

you cant help him. but he can get help for himself by goin to GP.
make it an ultimatum.

tell him you will support him thru this but he has to get help and talk thru options with GP.

if he wont go to GP then make it clear he takes his moods elsewhere to give you a break

or you and dc will take off for a few days .

you cannot make it ok.

but he can take some steps.

talk to somenone you yourself eg your gp whethe or not he goes
read depression fallout
www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-When-Theyre-Depressed/dp/0609804154/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b or look at the website
www.depressionfallout.com/

Hi, thanks for your responses. I got him some SJW yesterday (I thought that if he wouldn't go to the GP at least we could try something - don't know what you think of SJW). Anyway he said he wouldn't take it if it made him put on weight, he has this idea that all ADs will make him put on tons of weight. He looked at the side effects and has started to take them. I think you are both right and, if there are no positive changes in the next month, I need to be more assertive about him going to the GP.

Sanesometimes - I am sure you are right re the manly thing.

cestlavie - thanks for the recommendation, that looks like a good book.

SJW works, but it is mild. Not suitable for severe depression and serious suicidal feelings.

Tell him a good way to counteract putting on weight is to exercise and eating a very healthy diet both of which incidentally help with depression too.

And, as the spouse of someone with long term depression issues (who's finally doing well after finally undertaking long term therapy for that shite childhood of his) I must agree with cestlavie and say you cannot help him, he has to help himself. You can be there for him, but you need to look after yourself, keep the fun and pleasure in your life and certainly do not allow him to isolate because he doesnt want to see friends etc.

I hope you can persuade him to go to GP. My DH had all the symptoms you describe and was a nightmare to live with; he eventually went to GP and is now on Fluoxetine which has really improved his mood and life is so much better for us all. It is hard for a man to admit that he's got mental health issues. Good luck xxx

Thanks guys, it is nice just to know that other people have come out the other side of something like this. I don't think that his depression is severe (but what do I know?!) but I think it certainly has the potential to get worse, he has some really negative thought patterns that he seems to have inherited from his depressive mother!

Madmouse - your advice strikes a chord, I have read some other stuff on the internet too about depression making people quite selfish so to be selfish also and look after your own health and wellbeing. Also the exercise stuff - he loves running so I have suggested that he takes a more proactive approach to the stress he is experiencing and goes for a run!

Now that I have had a bit of show down with him about the whole situation, I am going to monitor it over the next month and, if there is no improvement, book an appointment to see the doctor.