Because I need advice on all these things I think.
Went to see my GP today to discuss my stupid bastard panic attacks. I don't want to start taking anti depressants so he has prescribed me Beta Blockers (Propranolol) for the symptoms.
Brief background;
My previous doctor diagnosed me as having PND but I remained convinced it was just Panic Disorder & Anxiety. I have had panic attaks for 15 years but have always been able to 'manage' them (by using a lot of safety behaviours and avoidance, mainly). Since the birth of DD they have increased markedly in both frequency and veracity, and I started to exhibit horrible signs of developing severe agoraphobia. I am 'managing' this, but it is a daily struggle against myself, and I am starting to become depressed because of the anxiety, not in spite of it IYSWIM ?
I am due to complete CBT in the next fortnight - it has been helpful and the therapist is wonderful, but I am not seeing results fast or dramatic enough for my liking. She has told me to lower my expectations.
I feel trapped, fearful and my confidence has taken a mighty blow. I dread the feeling of blooming terror which preceeds a panic atack now, and spend much of my time engaged in conversation with myself (internally) or self-sabotaging all my efforts at self-help (again, internal voice). I am thinking of leaving my partner (I am storing up resentments) and when I look back at old photos of myself (pre DC) I do not recognise the happy girl in them. Its like another lifetime. I have near constant episodes of unreality and dis-association, and feel like a cartoon some days. Its very frightening and tiring. I am aware I think too much, and wonder if I ought to go back to work (am SAHM often alone with DD all day) in order to 'normalise' myself.
However, I do not feel useless or exhausted and unable to go on. I am not unhappy, other than at my failure to cope with the anxiety, and am not angry other than with my resentment toward it. I do not feel like a failure or suicidal or tearful, nor all the other boxes I didn't tick on the 'Depression' list I have to look at each week for CBT.
My GP today said that if the BBs don't work they will try me on ADs and that I have 'suffered long enough to be proud about it'. I can see what he means but I don't think I am depressed, just very, very anxious.
Has anyone used BBs to successfully cope with panic symptoms ?
If I can take the BBs and utilise the CBT methods as well I think I may well allieviate a lot of my misery. The practioner told me not to expect significant change until six months AFTER the course finishes. Has anyone with experience of CBT had the same effect ?
If I do nothing about PND does it go away eventually or am I doomed to this forever ? I miss me an awful lot.