Need to work on lowering anxiety

[silver23]

I'm wondering if there are some self-help resources out there, maybe cognitive-behavioural therapy based, for dealing with anxiety?

I knew it might be a problem: I'm a bit of a "worrier", but I've managed to cope by highly segregating my life. At weekends and evenings I left work behind and just didn't think about it. I could take holidays and not stress about work for a week or two at a time.

But now I'm off on maternity leave (due date this sun) and I have to check in "lightly" at work for several ongoing things that can't be done by anyone else. I was doing okay, if being a bit compulsive at checking email to see if anyone had replied yet to my messages, until today. I both got bad news - one of my projects failed - and weird problems - something I had arranged to take care of someone during my time off has suddenly created issues involving sums of money I don't have access to and now I feel like I've done something wrong but I can't see that I really have and I have no idea how it is going to resolve, and I really don't want to end up having to ask for funds to cover something for my maternity leave when they're already paying the maternity package for me... Well, the details aren't important but it is stressing me out!

And I know that stressing about it won't help, and I'd rather just sleep and deal with things and get to a resolution or not without worrying, but I don't know how. Then I worry stressing is going to harm the baby, and I stress even more, ack!

So I think I need to do something to try to get these anxiety issues in hand. Even once this issue is resolved, just the 'check in occassionally' need I'll have for the next severral months doesn't work with the coping mechanism I'd been using, which was the defined segregation of work at work and home at home. So I need a way to mentally be aware of work - which, in general, despite the tone of this post I actually do rather enjoy, it's just that it can eat up my mental energy even when things are going well - and also be calm and in home time. Does anyone have any advice?

To begin with, I think it is time you actually go on maternity leave. You are not 'meant to be checking in lightly at work'. You are meant to be on maternity leave. Stop feeling guilty for it. Stop letting anyone tell you that no one else can do it. Stop telling yourself that no one else can do it too. They will cope. They would if you had a car crash.

Besides what you are doing is not 'checking in lightly'

If you really must, and I really suggest you don't, set one hour apart, preferably the same time every day, and do whatever work needs from you at this time. There, it's all segregated again.

Yeah, madmouse, I'm spending too long dealing with things! But unfortunately there are a very few things that really no one but me can do, although with the project failure that now means one less! (I would have otherwise had to write a response to reviews, which can't be done by anyone but the applicant -- my own fault for not thinking through the timing when I applied) I've now got more important people than me arguing about money, and just hope that I don't come off too poorly when it is over.

But while I can continue to segregate things, I think I really need a better method of coping. Even when not pregnant, I found things like if I talked with my Mum on a Sat and she asked about work, it could break my segregation and stress me. I'd much rather be able to live my life being able to be aware of things without them causing obbessing over them. That's why I'm wondering if there is some self-help I can do.

Hope you are ok. Sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself. There may well be things that only you can do at work, but they will just have to wait or someone else will have to figure it out. How do you feel about the idea of someone else being able to do your job? Just wondering if that thought is one that worries you.

Find out if you can get referred by your GP for talking therapies, that will include CBT and the like. In some areas you can self refer to their service, our area has an online CBT programme that you can do yourself. I expect there are other online CBT courses too, but I would thinkits got to be best to have at least some from of proper support. If you really want to go down the self help route, I found the Mindfulness for Dummies book good. I think there is one that focuses on CBT too.

Thanks, outraged! I'm in less of a major panic now, but just so frustrated. I think I do pressure myself too much, and I just have to work on caring a bit less. But it is hard I'm a Uni lecturer, and while the teaching and admin can all be handled by others (and I've happily passed it on), the research is something only I can do. It's like we're all little entrepreneurs without me, it doesn't happen, and that would be fine except I have people who work for me and students and they can't put their lives on hold while I'm away.

I'm lucky in that everyone who works for me at the moment is part of collaborations and others can take over most of their supervision, but for things like my PhD student who is finishing his thesis right now, he needs his adviser's input. And while I could just become uncommunicative, it would reflect poorly on me especially if he ends up not finishing in time and giving our Uni a "black mark" for timing which implicates our future funding, not to mention the disruption in his life -- and it would impact my ability to advance and get promoted.

Actually, my problem is probably that I am less "dedicated" than I am truly expected to be for this career, as I'm finding having to check in stressful and frustrating and just wish I could pass it all off to someone else, but there is no one else. Even the professor who was supposedly "out" for over a year having breast cancer therapy was in her office an awful lot more than I can possibly imagine I'd care to be in such a situation, especially as her condition was quite serious and it truly could have been the last years of her life. I just can't even comprehend that. But I guess people find comfort in different things.

But I do actually enjoy teaching and research and think it would be really cool to be a professor someday. So I don't want to throw it away at this point, when it really isn't that much trouble to check my email every so often and read a thesis. I just want to do it without it being so bothered.

I did find this: ecouch.anu.edu.au which I'm going through right now. If I find I can't handle things, I should probably talk to a GP as I think this has revealed that while it seemed I was doing fine, my coping mechanisms are not the most flexible and I do need to do something to balance my life.

Argh, sorry to go off on such a whiny rant thing.

I'm also a Uni lecturer so I know where you're coming from. It's very hard to keep work and home separate, just because my life/identity is so wrapped up in my research and job. I also know how about how Universities expect you to not have a life outside of work and heaven forbid you should actually be ill or have a baby .

Is this your first?