I am sorry for making so many posts, just feel lost.

[fluffydressinggown]

I am sorry for making so many posts at the moment. I am using the other 'official' areas of support as well. I see the home intervention team 3 times a week and I can, and do, ring them whenever I need to. They are keen not to admit me because they feel it would have a negative impact on me.

I feel so so low. I just cannot bare this. Everyone keeps telling me to redirect my negative thoughts and recognise that I have a choice.

Well I don't see how I can redirect them or make a choice. I just want to kill myself and really really damage myself. I feel inconsolable. I just cannot bare this any more. I always thought I would not be able to do it but I went to the place on Saturday and I knew that I could and now I am just wondering when rather than if.

Today I made my friend cry when I told her the damage I am doing to myself. What sort of fucked up person am I?

I am having constant intrusive and upsetting thoughts about cutting my wrists (something I won't and don't do, I cut my thighs). I cannot think or focus. I feel like crying all of the time. And the crisis team keep telling me to go out, I can barely get out of bed because I feel that it is so pointless. I am meeting a friend for coffee tomorrow which will be nice but it doesn't stop the thoughts or feelings I have.

I just feel so stuck and unhappy and fed up with myself.

You need to call your crisis team again, and tell them you are going to commit suicide, you just haven't decided when. (I am just wondering when, not if)

You need rl help.

Call the Samaritans and speak to them if you need to.

Do you think you need to be admitted?

You have to be honest with yourself. I haven't read any of your other threads (nor do I intend to), but didn't want to leave this unanswered.

Plead call someone in rl.

I rang them before making this post, they know about my self harm and suicide plans. I have rl help :(

That's fine then. As long as you have support you can call on if necessary. There's usually someone around on here, but not always.

Stay safe.

You know sweetheart we can all feel down some times ... believe me, I've been there ... when sometimes it just feels easier to say goodbye. But I think ultimately ... it's so much better to fight on through .....

I think you need to take a step back ... just think for one moment "I'm ok" .... really my darling that's all you have to do ........ "I'm ok" ...... give yourself a break xx

Fluffy, I hope you get the help you need. Are you seeing a psychiatrist? You can't just redirect your negative thoughts without help. It is very hard to think positive when you are feeling like this. I do hope you find the right professional.

Can I just say: how wonderful that you have a friend to go for coffee with, I wish I had that.

I have been referred to a team that can offer longer term support, I don't know if I will see a psychiatrist.

I feel very flat today.