Support thread - adults on the Autistic Spectrum :)

[fuzzpig]

Hello!

I've seen a lot of MNers mention being on the Spectrum, whether diagnosed or not. I thought we could use a long-running place to chat, share coping strategies and basically to know there are other people like ourselves, who won't judge us for being different.

I'm new to all this myself - only realised there was a possible name for How I Am a couple of weeks ago (thanks to MN)! Now I have a referral to an adult ASD specialist, to see if I have Aspergers. It's all happened very quickly.

Enough waffle from me (for now anyway...) but I hope other people will come along and find this thread useful. :)

Self harm. I was desperate to be there as home was awful.

Thats a shame, fuzzpig, but it may be that the psychiatrists can then refer you on to someone more appropriate.

I like firm hugs, not gentle strokes. I find a duvet very comforting, even in the hottest of weather, because I don't like the light touch of just sleeping under a sheet.

I'm not a great fan of being kissed unless its my husband or children. I really don't like social kissing!

I'm not sure, when the NAS advisor searched for me there were no specialists in my area. Just have to wait and see I suppose. I will tell my manager after Easter that the referral is delayed. They were really nice about having time off for appointments.

It is weird how I feel really crap because of everything going on, and also really good because I have an answer to who I am. I don't seem to be able to feel anything in between. I don't really have anyone to talk to in RL so I'm glad I started this thread.

Thats a pretty normal feeling for me too. Life can be a bit of a roller coaster. But it sort of fits in with Aspies seeing things in black/white rather than shades of grey. Things are either right or wrong, good or bad. I'm either happy or sad.

I used to hate hugs for my first 20 years or so, but am fine with hugs from DH and DS. I remember at uni a girl touching my leg to get my attention, and that creeped me out! I would be v taken aback to be hugged in a work context, it wouldn't feel right iyswim?

Glad you managed to get through to GP, a shame the PCT is being so restrictive, but sounds like the GP is taking you seriously

Yes from the sound of other MNers I am very lucky that the GP was so understanding. I hope the psychiatrists will be good too. I had quite bad experiences in the past, other than one clinical psychologist who I saw for CBT for a few years. The rest gave me the feeling of not being listened to. It took two tries to even get into hospital too, I nearly died from an overdose and they still turned me away.

It is perhaps strange that I crave hugs a lot of the time - though it is definitely only firm touch. Other touch just confuses or annoys me. It makes sex a bit awkward TBH.

I also hate hugs or anyone touching me for no reason. I don't hug other people either except my children. Even with them, now they are getting older, it does feel a bit weird, but I would never not hug them/let them hug me just because of how I feel about it.

I think one of the reasons I don't like a 'light' hug is because I don't feel like its genuine - it is hard to tell people's motives and if it is not a decent firm hug I can't tell if they actually mean it.

Yesterday after the work event my senior colleague, who I don't know that well, said thanks for helping so much over the festival, and said "are you a hug person?" so I said yes and that was fine because I knew it was genuine and not awkward.

I think I'm more paranoid about touching other people than I am about them touching me IYSWIM? I would love to be the kind of person who could touch somebody's arm to get their attention or to comfort them but I just can't as I don't know how to tell if they are ok with that.

Comforting someone isn't so bad, as most people are just grateful that you are supportive. I'm a church minister (unpaid) and comforting people is what I do regularly. The only time I wasn't sure what to do was when I did a placement in an immigration detention centre and I didn't know if it was OK to hug the men, so I checked (and it was).

Sometimes I hug people because I need to and then think WTF did I do that for. I seem to constantly embarrass myself in one way or another.

Even though I've found work really hard this week I'm still a bit gutted that I won't be back until Tuesday.

The really worrying thing is I'm starting to feel the same emotions about work as I did about school, and That Did Not End Well. Feeling like I need it for people to look after me because I never got that from my parents - physically they were (are) affectionate and tactile, but in all other ways they let me down from the start. Anyway, school was like my saviour - it was my teacher I first told about the abuse, and I always went to her to talk. But I needed it too much. I remember walking up the stairs from the staff room cutting myself with a tiny razor lads I kept with me, just because the teacher didn't have time to see me right there and then. I was so vulnerable and I'm scared of feeling like that again.

Not that I'm not loved and cared for by my DH, but circumstances are tough at home so I have to put a brave face on. We don't even hug much (let alone anything else) because DH is in so much pain. I really don't know what I'd be doing right now if I didn't have my job.

I feel so alone.

Is there anything you can do to help with the feelings, other than cut yourself? You are so much stronger now than you were then, even if you don't feel it. You have a lot of strength in your posts.

And you can always share with us...

I don't know what I do tbh. I have only SHd twice since having DD (nearly 5) and both those were very minor.

I hardly ever think about actually doing it, not until recently anyway. Having DCs has changed me a lot. I just sort of avoid the feelings I think.

so you feel overattached to your work colleagues, as they bring you stability/support you didn't get at home? I do sympathise, as these sort of relationships are tricky to navigate, and can have a false intensity, as you see people everyday, and they can feel like your closest friends when they possibly aren't. as an interim measure, I agree with Mary about looking for support online, as well as here there are other sides for adult "aspies" which accept self-DX, such as wrong planet and aspies for freedom. In the longer term - I'm not sure - is counselling your thing at all (my experiences with counselling were dreadful) but some people find it useful.

I've been thinking about CBT as I had that in the past. I really want to wait until a dx is made (or not) as I would ideally want to see someone with specific experience of ASDs, rather than somebody who treated my symptoms as though they were all caused by depression.

No idea how long it's all going to take though. Or if it will ever happen.

I had CBT, and even with a diagnosis, it doesn't guarantee you someone with ASD experience. Mine didn't, and if I'm being honest the sessions were a waste of time, although she DID confirm that I already used very advanced coping techniques to deal with anxiety, so it was nice in a way I was doing something right.

That makes sense. I think I'd just want to be able to say to the therapist that I have AS, rather than saying that I think I have it and face them saying I was wrong, or that it was just depression. I had some very nasty, arrogant psychiatrists in the past, who hated any sort of input from the patient it seemed.

Granted, I was wrong in what I was saying back then (about what I thought was wrong with me) - but they didn't exactly make any effort to find out what was actually going on. Maybe if they had, instead of bulldozing every suggestion I made and dosing me up on adult amounts of ADs, I would've ended up finding out about AS 10 years ago instead of spending so much time not understanding myself.

I did have one great therapist, the one I saw for years, but I can't envisage being that close to anyone now. And I also wonder why, in spending so much time with me, he didn't figure it (AS) out either.

?

I would love to know what that post said

I don't know either- can you ask? I have seen that person start a thread about ADHD today but I don't think it is against the rules.

sorry I got my words confused there- they had message deleted on a thread that was started by someone else about adhd

Hi all, haven't been here for a while.

I have been taking the anti-depressants for almost two weeks now, and there's absolutely no change in my mood. The phobia is still with me (as it has been since I was 7) and I don't feel any happier (my GP seems hell bent on diagnosing me with depression)

problem is that unless you can pay, you aren't guaranteed anyone with experience of AS/ASD for CBT. I imagine waiting lists are shorter than they used to be, what with this IAPT initiative (push towards getting more people CBT trained as it's short and cheap compared to say psychoanalysis as it's time limited).

devil - 2 weeks may be too soon to notice anything (other than side-effects), it can take up to 6 weeks for SSRIs to start working unfortunately.

There's no way we could afford therapy. I've also heard that even if you do get therapy on NHS, it can be limited, say to 10 sessions. Quite unlike what I got with CAMHS - every week for a few years, then gradually getting sparser until I outgrew it (actually they let me go until I was 19). Maybe 10 sessions would be better than none, but I'm not actually sure - I am scared of what would be brought up and that I'd be left reeling with no support.

It was really good to read upthread that some ADs are often known not to work on Aspies. I might try one of the better ones one day, if there are ones that are known for being more successful. ATM although I'm really struggling (with several circumstantial things that no medication could actually change), I don't want to be on anything right now. Largely thanks to everyone on this thread I am FINALLY starting to get in touch with who I am, learning to understand myself, and I don't want anything blocking that off IYSWIM.

CBT is time limited in its nature - when I went private, the guy (v good) was keen to focus me and boot me out - I had 1 lot of CBT sessions and 1 lot of something slightly different (something called schema but isn't particularly relevant to ASD or OCD so I won't go into it here). So if you don't want to risk building up a rapport then being having to finish sessions before you want to, CBT may not be right for you at this point.

If it's any help, paroxatine works for me - I bless the day it was formulated! Just 20 mg a day makes a difference. However, most of what has helped me is work arounds and/or acceptance of my processing foibles - hard to combine with a paid job though, I have found in my case, since I'm either full on, or switched off and struggling, or in down time to recuperate.