How do I turn it around??

[Bonkerz]

I can feel myself slipping. I had PND after DS was born. He is now 10mo this old. I had counselling and was on ADs. I came off then about 3 months ago on the advice of GP as I felt I was improving.

I don't know if I'm just stressed or if I slipping back. So much is going on right nOw and I feel desperately unhappy when in the surface things look fine.

Me and dh haven't been getting on. I'm exhausted. DS has slept through a total of four
nights since he was born and it's me that does the nights. He can wake hourly from 2 am most nights. I've started going to bed by 8pm which means Im getting about 5 hours sleep a night if I'm lucky.
I'm snappy and I know I'm a nag so me an dh are not friends right now. Big row Saturday night where I told him to leave he refused and I said I would leave but I have nowhere to go. I don't even k ow if this is the right thing to do!

I've just started work as a childminder and currently do 20 hours a week plus I've taken on running a new toddler group and I'm basically out of the house from 8-2 every day meaning housework isn't top priority and whilst house is clean and tidy it is nowhere near immaculate like when I was on maternity leave.
I'm doing everything. I'm working and doing the childcare. I'm trying to study for my degree (3rd year) as well as currently fighting the leA for extra funding for DS at school as he has ASD. dD is back and forth to hospital for physio on tight tendons and I do all this too. I am shattered and can't see how to make this better. I feel like I'm a robot and I cannot keep up with my life. The responsibility of it all terrifies me but I have little menouvre in the day to day drudgery.

Am I depressed or just unhappy? I can't tell!!!

Sorry you are going through this. I'm disappointed in your GP as ADs should not be stopped when you are improving, but several months after you feel ok again and are stable. It sounds like you've come off way too early and you're now struggling.

On top of that you have an awful lot on your plate. Too much really. Job, kids and study? Is there no alternative?

I think you should consider going back on ADs

I don't know how to change things. I'm three years in to a four year degree and it's funded So stopping now would mean a wasted 2 years and also nearly 6k In fees to pay back.

Dh has his head in the sand about finances. He goes to work and pays the bills and I work to pay for food, clothes and fund my car and also household items. I need to earn about £600 a month to cover this and will be earning this by May but since Jan we have not been covering things despite cut backs. That is adding to my stess but I have done all I can and by may I will be earning what is needed so finances should even out again.

If I was happy in my marriage I could probably cope better with other demands but I'm not. I feel alone. I feel like its all on me and if I break down the family will fall apart. I need to keep going.