please help me keep it together am teetering on the edge again.

[ByThePowerOfGreyskullsOnIpad]

things gettng on top of me again, have let too much slip in my new found relaxed state and now have problems.
seeming to re confirm that i can judt not do this whole thing.
have double booked things in the calender, the house looks like we need a visit from kim and aggie and dh yesterday and calmly told me that he is trying really hard to not be cross with me but my new devil may care attitude to everything is a problem.
i thought everyone wantd me to be more spontaneous, more relaxed less uptight. what a fuck up..
help!!

Hi Greyskull, obviously lots of history and here and layers of issues that I have no awareness of, I didn't want you to feel ignored though.

Hopefully some others will come along soon who know more about your situation.

Sounds to me though like you may be catastrophising a little bit. The house is messy and needs tidying, you've ballsed up a bit on the family diary and your DH is having a whinge at you...these are all well within the normal limits of daily stress for most of us...maybe you just take this minimal level of chaos to confirm your belief that you're worthless and useless??

Sorry if this is way off the mark...hope you're OK.

Well I think you may be being a bit hard on yourself. We all slip up from time to time and drop a few balls. I get stressed easily too and try and be relaxed and am similar in that I find it difficult to get the right balance.

For example:

This weekend it's just been me and my three dds as DH has been away since Friday. Yesterday started fairly well and I arranged to meet a friend in town with her dds in the afternoon. Whilst in the toyshop with my youngest DD, this awful wave of panic came over me and I realised with horror that I'd left a saucepan on a ring boiling some eggs and had forgotten to turn it off! I had to tell my friend to look after everyone whilst I dashed home expecting to get home to find the house on fire. As I got to the front door I could smell burning. I rushed into the kitchen which was full of smoke to find exploded egg everywhere and saucepan boiled completely dry! Fortunately I got home before there was more damage but I felt so shaky. The house stunk for the rest of yesterday despite me opening all the windows and doors.
I keep beating myself up for being so stupid even though it could've been a lot worse.

I think what I'm trying to say is there are always going to be times when things go wrong. I think in my case I had been trying to do too many things at once and get the DDs out of the door in time to meet my friend.

I don't know if you're similar but I find it difficult not to always focus on the negatives. I very rarely congratulate myself for doing something right or even well. In reality though it's very difficult to be on top of everything all the time.

Hope this helps a bit.

I too don't know any of the background but I'm sorry you seem to be feeling overwhelmed and down on yourself. It sounds obvious - but easy to forget when you're feeling down - that not achieving all you / others expect doesn't define you as a f*ck up. (Even supposing the expectations are reasonable which they might not be.) The important thing is not to get consumed by feeling down - it then stops you moving forward. Take a breath, write the 3 priorities you want to get done first - and concentrate on them - one at a time if necessary. Do what you need to do to make sure you don't feel overwhelmed - even if this means accepting you're going to spend half a week playing catch up and have to unravel some of the knots. Then write the next 3 - and celebrate each step forward.

good luck

(yes - I do live by lists!)

Thank you ladies, (normal posting name resumed from laptop)
I am really feeling squashed by normal life. Dh is acting like nothing has happened, but I can't.

I am going to try to do the list. I used to flylady before things went wrong I should try to get things going again. Babysteps is perhaps the way to go.

Thank you for not slapping me and telling me to pull myself together. I just don't think I can.