What's going on? Am I depressed??

[ACol]

I'm having a hard time at the moment...job stressful, been with my boyfriend for 18 months, just moved in together, I'm really down alot of the time - can be ok around people and at work if I have to be, but when I get home, I get sad. It's really affecting the relationship with my boyfriend..I'm considering splitting up with him because in some ways I'll feel a relief because I won't have to deal with the emotions I'm feeling but I don't know whether that's just my down mood talking and I don't want to throw it away becuase I'm feeling 'depressed' - am I depressed - I don't even know!!

I've been seeing a counsellor for 6 months now...just talking therapy...had talked about loads of stuff in my past but I'm still feeling like crap. I'm crying on and off everyday..can't be bothered to go to gym, EXHAUSTED all the time. I'm functioning to go to work but get distracted easily and all I want is the day to end.

I don't have suicidal thoughts so not sure I am depressed but even writing this now, I have tears in my eyes. My brain is just constantly swirling with negative thoughts..how useless I am, can't even work, cope with living someone.

My boyfriend is very supportive of me being in counselling etc and is very positive with the steps I'm taking but he finds it hard (not surprisingly) when I shut him out. I let him in sometimes (cry, explain how I'm feeling, how its affecting our relationship) then next thing is the shutter has gone up and I'm offish with him - don't want to let him in. I then feel huge guilt about being a controlling witch and sometimes think it's unfair being in a relationship with him when I can't seem to keep a control of my own thoughts.

am just exhausted and want to know if I'm doing the right thing with this talking counselling..does it take ages to feel better? Do I need AD's to supplement it...I've made an appt with my GP for next week.

I've also been diagnosed recently with PCOS so things are made worse on a monthly basis with PMS.

Hope someone can help me figure this out.

Thanks

A GP appointment sounds like a good plan, will help you work out what's going on. :)

Do you let the concellor in, or hide behind shutters/talk about the little/med things and leave the big ones alone? don't ask how I know this trick What's your councellor's opinion on how you feel/your mental health state? That said, it's more than just suicidal feelings/thoughts, so you may well be (I am not an expert nor would I presume to diagnose over the internet if I were!) You are v. wise to go see someone about this if the therapy you've got going isn't working (talking therapy IS one solution for depression).

Thanks for the replies. I'm actually painfully honest with the counsellor I think..to the point that I'm always thinking she's judging me with the stuff I come out with..which obviously she's not, but this is one of my issues - that I'm so concerned with what people think I never show the real raw me..except to her..or when I do to my boyfriend i put the shutters up pretty quickly.

She won't 'diagnose' me but yes she thinks I'm possilby depressed and definitely very low/sad. She thinks ADs might help with the crying but doesn't feel like it's a long-term solution. She's convinced that just by talking about it, I'll understand my feelings better and be able to work through the issues. But my problem is that I feel i need to take action (not sure doing what?) but at least work towards something as in my opinion, talking about seems to be making it worse!! Although I do feel relief and enjoy spending an hour talking about myself but nothing seems to be changing in the outside world. I've discussed CBT with her and she says I'm welcome to try it through another avenue (she doesn't do this) but that she doesn't think its the right solution for me at this stage. I don't know. I've just bought a book on Recovering from depression using CBT which I thought I should read and see if I think it might work. Are there any other forms I should be trying?

Something my GP said to me as she prescribed ADs was that most depressions sort themselves out in 6 months or so with or without treatment, but that it's a lot less miserable WITH treatment.

Good luck with your GP