Another suicide attempt by DH!!! How to keep going???

[OlaMamas]

Not been on here for a good couple of years and have been inundated with support and practical help from family and friends who all know DH! But somehow needed to chat to faceless people. Christmas 2010 DH lost a really good job. To be fair he was never chilled out and always high maintenance. But a spiral of depression set in. Caught him late at night after heavy drinking with a knife, followed by an overdose last June and this week he has again under the influence driven into a brick wall and broken a bone in his kneck. Thankfully not spinal but a miracle he's still alive. Got a 4 year old and a 6 year old. And just trying to get the strength to stay strong. I know it's an illness and he loves us and he's sorry but is there any way back from this?

"without us DH really has nothing "

and is that something you created? did you stop him going out making friends taking up a hobby?
no, you didnt cause him to be like this.

he can turn it around if he wants to acess the right help to do this. but you cannot do it for him.

It seems that your DH's abuse of alcohol is a major factor in his suicide attempts. Even with his underlying MH problems it is not too much to ask that he give up drinking completely. He may not be able to control the emotions that make him want to drink, but he can control his hand reaching for the bottle. If he genuinely can't, then he needs a period of residential rehab or hospital admission until he is in a situation where he can control his behaviour.

You would not be unreasonably harsh to recognise that he is choosing alcohol over the safety and security of you and your children.

So sorry you are having to go through this. It is desperately unfair for you.

There have been other threads on here about dealing with severe MH issues in partners, and many people have pointed out that MH problems are not a free pass to be abusive to your family. And if someone is abusing the rest of the family, MH or not, that person can fuck off and be helped by the professionals because the other family members have the right not to be abused.

Tell someone in RL - a good friend. I was suicidal once, well, twice; and it really helped to talk to someone else. Yes, they don't know what to say, but they will give you a hug and you'll feel better for talking about it to someone who you know.

Just wondered how you're doing, Ola x

same here

thisteldew is spot on. alcohol is a depressant. get him off that.

if he's drinking lots of caffeine (coffee, coke) get him off that also, as the tension from that drug may be partly why he reaches for alcohol.

You know what they say... truth hurts! Have logged on several times but had to come off coz wasn't able to stomach some of the responses even tho I know a lot of what's been said is so true! Things not much better here other than I know I'm loved. I know he hates what he's done and put me through. It's not enuf and I'm so mad but just feel numb! Can't understand and not ready to make any decisions at the moment but was over awed by such strong opinions! and damnations! I have family experience of mental illness. If it was cancer or something like that people dont judge the same but mental illness so many have no understanding unless they've experienced it and it is grim!

Ola please don't assume that those saying enough is enough have no understanding of mental illness. I suspect you may find that many of us know only too well what depression and alcoholism do to a family. I don't want to go into details because the story of my DH's issues is immense and wld be a monster thread hijack but the kind of psychotic behaviour you are describing is abusive. It's abusive to you and to your children.

Ola just because it is illness speaking doesn't mean that you need to put up with it.

Ola - I stayed with my husband who behaved very like you describe your husband.... for 23 years.

Cutting a long story short I really could not cope anymore. My mental health was hugely affected and I was unable to be a loving parent because I was so so stressed.

Divorce was horrible. The distress was horrible. However I feel the most hope for my future but more importantly for my darling loved DC. Nearly 3 yrs on they are settled, stable and glad we are divorced (although they didn't thank me at the time)

I provide a calm anchor, a stable household and a calm loving environment

I found this useful to reflect on hope link works and this particularly this!

Both sites are a little odd? but there were comments that resonated with me. I've CnP this bit in particular Families may feel completely out of control. They may be at their wit's end, believing that it is impossible to predict what will happen from day to day. This may happen because the ill person has had no limits set on his/her behavior. The person may rule the family as a tyrant who is demanding, threatening, and refusing all efforts to help him/her alter unacceptable behavior. This is especially likely to happen when the ill person is unable, because of the illness, to understand the effect of his/her destructive behavior. Families may say they can no longer stand the abusive behavior, the threats, the living in constant fear, and the constant talk of suicide.

I still live in fear that he will take his life but we as a family (me and DC) are in a far better stable place to deal with that. We stepped off the rollercoaster that living with him had become.

I name changed because I need to have privacy to talk without this following me -a normality in my life

Thankyou copenomore...Can I ask did u still love / were you still in love with your DH??? My kids, like yours adore their daddy... He is overly sharp with them on occasions but they also arent the easiest of boys. spirited is the polite term for them. My worry/ concern is.... I know my boys would learn to live with a separation IF IT WAS FOR THE BEST??? I have known dh since I was 4! I get him... he has issues! He knows he has issues! He wants to be better! I love him ! I'm in love with him! He adores me and the kids! He struggles with the black cloud that is his mental health problems!!!! Soooooo do you give up on him coz things are shite at the mo.... or do you follow the "for better for worse???"

Can't read anymore.... back here hello!!! was gonna start a new thread but can't be arsed going over what'[ happened.. just hope someone's interested!!!

how are things?

I'm here. Want to talk? I'm going to have to plug my phone into charge because it's about to blank out, but will be back in an hour or so.

FWIW, I have experienced the suicide of a family member, so do know something of what you're going through.

Don't be under any illusion that dh helpless! He is not! Depression is a bugger to get out of but believe me it can be done!

He needs to take responsibility, tbh he needs medication and long term counselling and a want to do it. It's hard but possible!

You must look after you, your children need you to do this. You though about getting any counselling? Having a safe place to vent and help you look at things in a new way could be of real benefit! Good luck

I'm such an intermitent user of this site! I get to the point when I can cope no more and then I log on. I find it scary. Too many responses I know are right to a certain extent but are not subject to full information or situation before making such strong judgements! I do struggle with it. Yet I keep coming back!!!

OleMama.

I understand what you are saying. Mental health is easy to discount becasue not visible. It is not always possible for someone with mental health issues to prevent themselves from trying to kill themselves. The illness takes over. However

Someone with heart disease would not be crticised for having heart attack, but it is easy to criticise and not accept that someone with mental health issues has the same amount of control over trying to kill themselves. Itis beyond their control. However, I am less understandingabout the drinking which would make any depression worse. That, he does have control over

I can only offer you help and support and hope that it will come together eventually. However, I do not think you need to visit the hospital every night