Pregnant, Bipolar, struggling a bit...

[raininginbaltimore]

Will try and get all the info down and hope someone can help. I am 16 weeks pregnant with dc2, I have Bipolar disorder (diagnosed about 18months ago in July 2010). I have been on Lithium since diagnosis. I was doing well, I work full time (as a teacher with management responsibility) ds is 2.6.

I came off lithium with full blessing and support of my psychiatrist so we could ttc dc2.

Sleep is quite important to my health. Tiredness can be a real catalyst and a combination of lithium and careful monitoring of my rest has kept me well (no time off sick, apart from wisdom teeth, so nothing related to Bipolar). But I am really struggling. I am so exhausted all the time. Work is piling up, I am so tired at the end of a teaching day that I come home and collapse. So not doing enough work. Then I can't actually sleep properly. Midwife reckons this is normal in pregnancy, but I find getting to sleep hard and wake up constantly all through the night, sometimes waking at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep.

I feel tearful at work a lot, although I am "holding it together well" In fact a colleague that knows, commented on how well I was doing without medication. But I'm not, I am just putting on an act. I really, really don't want to take time off as I have done so well. But I don't want to tell work I am struggling as it becomes a HUGE thing. There isn't much they can do, not anything they can take off me as such. That is part of the problem with teaching.

I am supposed to be seeing a mental health specialist midwife (I saw one with ds) but nothing yet. I don't even know what I want people to say or advise! Just needed to write it down somewhere! What can I do?

It sounds like normal pregnancy tiredness which is a bigger than normal problem for you due to the role sleep plays in your management of your condition.

You are not going to like what I say but it sounds like you insist that you must keep juggling every ball you normally juggle even though it's not working and something has to give. Not fair, but that's life. I assume a teacher with management responsibility has even more paperwork to do at home than a normal teacher? You must find a way of switching off before bed - and if that is though giving up management responsibilities for now, or working less, or going off sick, it may have to be done for your sake and the baby.

You are right, I think part of the reason I posted as I needed someone to say it to.me. I'll try and see someone tomorrow to see what they can offer in terms of.support.

Hi

I don't have bipolar but I do know lots about it (for various reasons) and I also suffer from what can be very disabling depression. I also have a pressurised job where you are 'on show' all the time and carry a lot of responsibility for others so not easily put on hold etc.

However, I do belive that you may reach a point where , as a previous poster has said, something has to give and as it obviously cannot (should not!) be your wellbeing or that of your baby, a period of time off sick or on quite significantly reduced workload might be the best option all round.

This intense tiredness will most likely ease off as the second trimester progresses (well thats what I found anyway, things felt a lot easier then until about 34 weeks or so by which time I could go on mat leave with a clear conscience!). Until then you need to find ways to rest and do what you can throughout the day to make up for the lack of refreshing sleep.

Has your employer done your pregnancy risk assessment yet? Your bipolar is obviously an additional risk factor and it might be the idealopportunity to raise some of your current struggles and find ways between you of making life easier (I belive you can request a risk assessment even if its not 'due'.

Also, have you discussed with the Psychiatrist the posibility of re-commencing lithium later on on the pregnancy, of course it depends how you feel but it might be a case of balancing the risks of not taking it (as you felt so well whilst on it) against the small risk of taking it later on, woth thining about.

And honestly we are all allowed to struggle in pregnancy, nearly everyone does in their own way and its just harder for you bacause of your particular illness, hang on and all will be well. X