I feel so stupid thinking like this but can't help it

[GreatBallsOfFluff]

I can't stop crying. I feel like I can't do anything right. I feel terrible for my DD as I feel like she would be so much better and happier with a mother who was even the slightest bit competent. I'm always too tired to play with her, she sees me upset too much but she's the most wonderful girl in the world and it's not fair on her. I don't know why I get so upset though, there are millions of people around the world who are a hundred times worse off then me so what do I have to complain about. I work ft but the house is always a mess and I just can't seem to find the energy to keep it tidy which is even more unfair on DD. I love my job but I'm so busy and it's not fair on my bosses as I can't give them individually enough time to do a fantastic job for them so they're left with a substandard secretary but they're all so lovely and never complain or put pressure on me so I feel even more terrible that I can't do a good enough job for them.

I just wish that I could be a better mother and better worker for them all as they all deserve more than what I can give them. I must sound so selfish thinking like this and complaining like this when there are so many worse off people, I just need to write it down and let it out. Sometimes I think I should go to the doctor, but then I'd be taking that appointment away from someone more deserving. I don't know what to do.

You seem to be very fixated on these 'people worse off' than you and 'more deserving' than you. Forget about them. They are not important at the moment. Think about you. You are being terribly hard on yourself. Nobody does it perfectly (you should see the state of my house right now - I work freelance and I never have the time or energy to clean the house for my three DSs). I think you do need to go talk to the doctor as it sounds as if you are quite down, even if just for a talk, and you have just as much right as anyone else to that time at the doctors' surgery. That is what they are there for.

Why do you think you're not going a good job? You say your bosses don't complain, perhaps that is because there is nothing to complain about. I'm sure your DD too is happy with her little lot. I know it is hard but would it help to write down a list of positive things about your life, your DD, your job, what you like to do, what you are good at, what makes you happy? It might help :)

Thank you for your message Becky. That's the problem just reading your last paragraph I was thinking that there is nothing I am good at and all the positives in my life I put down to circumstance rather than anything to do with me. My DD is so special and wonderful and never any trouble, but that's not due to me, that's the way she is and I have no idea why I should deserve her. I wholeheartedly think that I only got the job I have because I went low with salary not through merit. I read through some of the threads on here and have no idea why I should be complaining.

You say your DD is so special and wonderful and never any trouble - of course that is down to you!! Unless you believe that nature is 100% and nurture is 0% of a person's development which would be a bit extreme. Of course you deserve her, she is your daughter.

Don't feel guilty about complaining. Everyone needs a good moan every now and then. That's what things like mumsnet is for, to vent, to get people who don't know you to listen, understand, sympathise, help if they can.

I've just been sitting here feeling sorry for myself because DH is away in London at the moment in the week (we live 3 hours away) and he's away next weekend too so I'm left looking after three children and cat by myself and it is hard. In the grand scheme of things that's nothing really, we have a house, we have jobs, we have lovely children. But that doesn't make it any less upsetting for me and I need to cry about it to feel better. You are allowed to feel low about something, however 'trivial' in your mind it might be. It is very normal. Please don't feel guilty about it or worry about other people being worse off.

Becky gives great advice!

What tickled me in your OP is you saying that your dd would be happier if your house was tidier. Now I only have a ds and they are different, but are you sure about that? . Relax. I work part time and cannot always keep on top of everything. Cut yourself some slack, you're doing fine.

Did you know research clearly shows that good enough mothers are better for children than perfect ones who meet all their needs? Google 'good enough mother' if you're interested.