So to cut (no pun intended!) a long story short - I have 3 lovely children under 5, I am trying to study for my Masters and I have had PND from pretty much the time I found out about my unplanned (and unwanted by my DH) 3rd pregnancy which also coincided with being made redundant. And in the last few weeks I have have the urge to SH (something I have done in the past), but as yet I havent gone down that road. And its all pretty rubbish!
But what is really getting to me is the constant over-thinking, paranoid crap that my brain just keeps churning out! I spend so much time thinking and analysing how I can be a good mother because I dont want my children to end up like me - a paranoid mess who sets her standards so high that she is destined to fail before she's even started! And because I dont trust my own motherly instincts I am constantly watching other mothers and copying how they parent their children which is exhausting!
This isnt normal is it? I feel as if I am acting the part of a mother rather than simply being a mother. And all of it makes me so annoyed with myself!
I jsut needed to write this down because I dont know how to deal with it, apart from SHing and I dont want to go down that road again.