my ds wants to die.

[kaylasmum]

my 25yo ds has borderline personality disorder. From a very early age he had behavioural problems and at the age of 16 he started self harming and overdosing on paracetamol, around this time he told me that he was gay. He found this very hard to accept.

Over the years he's had episodes of depression but usually managed to come out of it. He has a loving dp and support from his family. This last year he has really been suffering. Around this time last year he took a mixture of tablets and was admitted to hospital, since then things have become worse. Before christmas he was self harming again.

He has been waiting for dbt for montha but there is a long waiting list. This last week has been really bad. He stepped in front of a bus on monday, his gp told him to go to our local mental health hospital, whhen he got there he totally freaked out, now he's being charged with breach of the peace.

They did nothing to help him at the hospital, they sent him away after 3 hours. He is also codeine addicted and during this time he went cold turkey to come off them. The gp has put him back on them as he thinks this could be causing this episode.

My ds's behaviour has becoming increasingly more disturbed this week. He has been posting on facebook naming people that he's had thouhts of killing. I've often thought that he was just attention seeking.

Last night he took 10 escitalopram and 20 plus pregablin and ended up in hospital on a heart monitor. He said he was'nt wanting to kill himself he just wanted to chill. I asked him outright if he wanted to die, he told me does.

I don't know what to do anymore, nobody seems to be able to help him.

I can't ignore yr post though have no real advice. How awful for you. All I can suggest is that you make a v big fuss today at the hospital and insist that he is treated - sectioned even? For his and others' safety.

So sorry you are going through this

Kaylasmum, that is really shocking - you must be beside yourself. Have you talked to the community mental health team? There should be an emergency number. It sounds like you are going to have to be persistent, since they failed to diagnose the level of risk when he was at the hospital.

If the CMHT aren't responsive, I would take this higher up and fast. There will be a team responsible for performance-managing mental health services at the health authority.

how awful that bhe isnt getting right help - take the facebook threats to police and have them liaise with the hospital and CMHT??
you have to act I think to ptotect him and others - make as much noise as you can phoning and passing on the information about what he is saying.
thing is he is an adult but even so you can pass on information to his GP the CMHT the police etc so they have full knowledge

He is clearly a danger to himself.... he needs to be in hospital. I'm very surprised that he hasn't been sectioned already or encouraged to voluntarily go in. Keep pushing to get him in patient treatment!

Like others KM I am finding it unbelievable that a GP would tell your son to go the local mental health hospital. The route for admissions is for the GP to refer to a consultant psychiatrist (He/she is the only person with "access to beds") or in other words, admissions can only be made by the Conslt Pysch. I'm really sorry as you are struggling enough, but I think you need to make a complaint about this GP to the Practice Manager, but maybe that willhave to wait as you have enough to deal with right now.

I think now is the time to act, as your son is in hospital, albeit not a psychiatric hospital. Talk to whoever is in charge of his care and make sure they know your son's history and ask for advice, stressing that he is sucidal and has made several attempts and is now naming people he wants to kill on FB.

You mention several drugs - are they prescribed drugs specifically for your son? Does he "self medicate" with alcohol or non prescribed drugs.

I think one of the problems about admission is that they will only admit people with a treatable mental illness. I'm really not sure how they view BPD. Maybe ask the DR in hosp who is in charge of his care, or contact your community mental health team and talk to a social worker or CPN (community psychiatric nurse) and they should be able to give you some guidance on whether a psych unit will admit him.

What is dbt - you mention this - is it some kind of therapy.

The thing is that your son does not seem to have had any mental health assessment and I can't understand why this has not been carried out. I know you are very worried obviously but I think you are going to have to try and gather your emotional strength to get some answers and it may mean you have to stamp your feet but we will all fight like tigers for our kids, and I'm sure you will do this for your son. Sorry don't mean that literally; but be assertive and persistent.

So so sorry for you and your son. Let us know how things go.

thanks for all the replies,

Well my ds has been discharged from hospital. He has been given codiene and diazepam. He has an appointment with his psychiatrist on thursday.

I don't know what to think, a part of me thinks a lot of his behaviours are attention seeking. He seems to enjoy the drama. His dp does'nt want him back home so he's coming to stay at mine, i'm worried about that. I also have my 20yo dd and 8 month old dgd staying with me at the moment as her partner is an alcoholic who goes on benders every now and again and is verbally abusive to her when he's drunk.

I also suffer from mental health issues and suffered a particularly bad period of anxiety and depression last year, i'm just starting to feel better and i'm so worried that the stress of this will make me ill again.

Oh lord KM - you really do have an awful lot of stress at the moment. Well good thing your ds has an appointment with a psychiatrist on Thursday. Will you be going with him - might be a good idea as he may not "tell it how it is"

Is your ds's partner saying she doesn't want him back full stop, or is she just wanting him to be more stable. It sounds like your daughter needs to separate from her alcoholic partner, as she must be very stressed, and it doesn't usually take long for verbal abuse to be physical abuse. As you will know this will not be good for your dgd either.

Does your ds have a job - probably not, but I was just wondering if he could get a private rent place, only needs to be a bed sit doesn't it, and he could claim Housing Benefit to pay the rent. Mind the govt is taking a hard line on benefits and they are stopping incapacity benefit altogether, and anyone claiming it has to have a Work Capability Test - most people are being put on Jobseekers Allowance of around £60 per week and need to demonstrate that they are looking for work. Not sure if this applies to your son.

I can fully understand your worry at having your son living with you, even though you obviously care about him. Maybe you could ask the psychiatrist if there was a hostel for people who are mentally ill (you could contact MIND - there used to be MIND hostel near to me and they were all young men (about 8 residents) but it seems to have closed.

YOU must look after yourself as much as you are able, as you too are vulnerable where mental health is concerned. Might be a case of "tough love" with your son and not to let your heart rule your head. Do you have a husband or partner who is supportive - I assume not as you haven't mentioned one. Do you work at all ?

The best thing would be for the psych to admit him to the ward for an assessment and at least it would give you a breather.

So sorry you are going through this.

Just remember you can c call 999any time if he behaving strangely and you concerned . They will send paramedics and or police to get him back to a and e.