No, my love, it's not how life on medication needs to be. At least, not in my experience.
I haven't taken depakote either- so in a way I can't advise on that one. All I can do is tell you what works for me... However, my illness may not manifest in the same way as yours, so it may not be as effective for you. I have bipolar II, with mostly depressive tendencies in that my highs, whilst sometimes being kinda intense, don't last terribly long- the longest period I can remember recently was for around a week. By contrast, my lows are a real pita totally devastating. They also last two or three times longer than my highs and are arguably are more disabling than. They certainly affect my ability to function significantly more than my highs- it's not unheard for DP to have to do basic things like help me wash, dress, even get out of bed when I'm really ill.
I take 150mg of lamotrigine in the morning and night, and I'm really happy with it. From my POV (and that of my lovely DP's) it's absolutely brilliant- it's really stabilised my mood. My depression has gone completly, no more (so far) of that horrid driven, crashing feeling that mania can lead to either. I feel 'normal' for the first time in a long time. In fact, today marks the longest period I've really been stable for what seems like forever; certainly for around three years!
In addition, I have virtually no side effects; a bit uncoordinated at first (but then that's one of the things I experience at the start of mania, so it's hard to say for sure that it was a side effect), and I have rather more saliva than I used to, but these are very mild and totally easy to live with- it just means I dribble a bit when I'm sleeping and have to swallow a bit more often! I personally know someone else who has almost the same experience that I have had, except that he has no obvious side effects at all. I know, anecdotally at least, that this has been the case for a lot of people- certainly my psych said that lamotrigine has one of the more benign side effects of all the drugs for managing bipolar, and is generally well tolerated. It does, however, have some potential for pretty hideous side effects, so you have to be really careful for the first few months you take it.
My own view is that if something isn't working for you (and I think that trying something for a couple of months is sufficient to decide), it's fair enough to try something else. Life is too short to spend it being miserable, and believe me, I know the complete misery that this great gift bipolar can be. I also know that if a medication is making you feel worse overall than the symptoms of a cycle (the mania component at least- which feels, lets face it, pretty amazing), the temptation to stop taking it is great. However, as we both know, is a really bad idea.
So, here's what I would do. Firstly, do NOT stop taking depakote- as you said, it has stabilised you to some extent. Secondly, get a referral to your psych again, and tell them how you are feeling. Ask if lamotrigine or indeed, another med might be worth try. I assume you are also doing all the other stuff that helps- exercise, good diet, not much alcohol, enough sleep, yadda yadda. Boring, yes but pretty invaluable to help being 'normal'. Or at least, if you are like me, as normal as you can be- I've been described as a border collie in human form before, and definitely a pretty serious geek! ;) Get as much support as you can, either in RL or online, or both. Do research if you haven't already www.bipolarworld.net is an amazing resource that I dip into a lot, and has really helped me to understand my illness. It's American, but very applicable for the UK too. Counseling from a cpn has helped me a lot- through him I've learnt how to deal with an episode, how to recognise when I'm getting ill, and possibly what I can do to try to avert or minimise it when it happens.
Lordy, this has turned into a huge essay- I didn't mean it to, and I hope I haven't rambled too much! It's just I can feel the feeling of desperate sadness in your post, if you don't mind me saying, and I couldn't help myself from replying in the way I have. I hope I've helped, if only to say I totally understand where you are coming from. Chin up though sweetheart- it can, and will, get better. The hopelessness can be reduced, if not alleviated, and you can feel normal again. Good luck, and feel free to pm me if you want to.