This is going to sound very stupid but I am struggling to keep thoughts in a safe place, would appreciate some help.
Last summer was diagnosed with severe depression. Not able to deal with difficult and shameful things from the past. Worked hard to pull myself together as needed to be back in work etc. About a month ago started working again - find it very hard to leave the house, look people in the eye, let them see me, but have to get on with it.
My GP works in same place as me. (I didn't know this until I mentioned on a visit that I had got a new job - it is just very bad luck). We agreed to change doctors and I thought it wouldn't really bother me, but I am finding it very difficult. I always got the feeling he didn't like me much but never imagined I would encounter him outside the surgery so it wouldn't matter.
I know this is irrational but I can't bear someone at work knowing how rotten and damaged I am. I try to keep away from him as much as I can but it feels as if again everything is tainted. The rational part of me thinks he probably isn't thinking about anything apart from work, but when I'm in work, I feel all the old shame coming back. It doesn't help because I have never had very good relationships with men. I don't understand why I am reacting so badly.
I know this will seem very stupid but I have to work to take care of my family.