how do i self treat sadness/depression

[sadlymiserable]

i'm sorry i just realised my namechange might sound a bit glib but i've never ventured to this side before and i really don't know how to describe what's going on.
the summary is this has probably been building for years, my life has been back to back stressful situations. but whilst i've experienced pain and sadness i've always felt I couldn't be 'depressed' as there were definite terrible events to blame and the normal response to be sad IYSWIM. but the last year has destroyed me, huge financial loss thanks to husband, moved to a very remote country and topped off by my husband cheating on me, total mindblowing betrayal and now i've lost the plot.

first month or 2 were hell, now i'm just too fucked to cope. i literally find it hard to do anything, shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, feed kids, cook, leave house, shop, i'm a disaster (i have someone to help with dcs in mornings or till late afternoon if necessary and just hide in my room pretending i'm working) i am trying to function on some levels for the kids but it's like i'm in slow motion.

i have hit rock bottom, then plateaued and now just existing but terribly. i don't know if it's truly depression but i'm certainly acutely sad/unable to function/can't sleep/can hardly take care of my kids/just overwhelmed by this pain/sadness/misery/
sorry it's late and i'm exhausted and can't describe acurately

there is no chance of counselling/ access to a proper gp/ i can't afford to leave. i am completely trapped here and losing my mind. i have few friends, no family here or close family elsewhere.i only have 'dh'. he has been/ is trying to 'do the right thing' and take care of me physically, he will shop for food, cook when he is here, since the cheating drama he has had to take over more care of the dcs as i just haven't been able to function. the ow has gone it was a week long fling. i'm not whining i'm depressed because he cheated but after the months of raw pain and self destructiveness i'm now aware i can't continue like i am.

basically i'm terrified and swirling downwards. i have to do something/ take something to enable me to get control of my life back and not harm the dcs childhood irrepairably. i need to be able to get past all this misery and at least be able to function. it must be a depression i'm in.
there is at least a decent pharmacy where i could probably buy most medications. what should i begin with?
i appreciate it if you've read this far, i don't know what i expect anyone can do. but please recommend me some drugs for a start.

I'm so sorry for you, sadly. You do sound to be very depressed. WHen it 'hit' me, I was prescribed 20mg of Citalopran (citalopram?). I think you can safely take more, but it was OK for me.
A word of warning, though, it hit me hard at first, and I felt sick and dizzy and had to go to bed for a few hours after I took it for about a week. I would advise taking it at night to counteract that.

Make the most of your husband's contrition. Make him draw up a plan for the week that ensures you are left alone as little as possible for the forseeable future.
He needs to do as much of the housework as he can reasonably be expected to do, so that you aren't bothered by it needing to be done (this is a biggy for me!).

You don't say how old your children are but if they are pre-school, do you have childcare? Can they go to nursery? If at school, are you OK with the school run? If not, get your husband to ask around the neighbours and draw up a rota for them to be picked up and dropped off.
You need to spend your time in complete relaxation. Plan little things to do throughout the day-easy things, that make you feel good. It might be to go out and choose a packet of seeds and planter and sow the seeds, ot go for a walk and pick some budding branches-when you bring them inside they will come into leaf quickly, giving a burst of springtime!

Sorry, posted too soon
Other things you can do for yourself...google Guided Meditation and follow a guided meditation at least once a day. I often go to sleep listening to one, and they really help even if I drift off as soon as they start! You can buy them on CDs and as downloads as well, but the free ones are often good.

It sounds like talking therapy is out of the question, due to being in another country, but do you keep a journal? Not a diary, but a book where you can pour out your thoughts onto paper. It really helps to write it down, in the same way that talking therapy helps, because your mind heals when it 'gets it out of your system'. That's why people who have been in traumatic situations talk about it so much.

Be VERY gentle on yourself. In the same way as you would protect and rest a broken leg, you need to pratect and rest your 'broken mind' (sorry, I can't put it any better!). Enjoy simple things with your children. Say 'yes' regularly, allow them to watch a DVD (and give yourself permission to watch it with them!), or whatever will keep them occupied and happy for a while.

Make sure there is plenty of wholesome, but easy food in the house, so they don't get hungry (they bicker when they are hungry!)...try peanut butter and banana sarnis, honey and yoghurt with nuts on top, make truffles with Nuttella, Peanut butter, honey and dessicated coconut (very tasty and you can tell them they're 'healthy'!).

Make sure you get enough sleep, and that you are sleeping well.

I must go to bed myself now, but I hope some of this is of use.

X

thank you amistillsexy, your post contains so much kindness and good advice. i'm going to try to sleep and re-read again in the morning. it was a bit of relief for me to write things down and it's good avdice to write things down if no other way to get them out. i do feel 'locked in' physically and mentally. good night!

The self-treatment that has worked best for me is sunlight and exercise. Sounds kind of hippy-drippy advice but there have actually been scientific studies done into the effect of outdoor exercise and for some people it is more effective than drug therapy. Depression symptoms are basically caused by a loss of brain cells so anything you can do to grow some new brain cells with some stimulation, will get you out of the downward spiral and onto an upward spiral of feeling better.

Even if you don't have the energy for a walk round the block or an expedition to the shops, even just hanging the washing outdoors or doing a few yoga stretches in the sunshine every day can make a difference. Keep hydrated and eat some interesting foods and you will soon begin to feel that your body is waking up and if your body wakes up you mind will inevitably follow. Gradually getting out and about more often will make it easier to get to know your new town and your new neighbours. Even something simple as smiling and saying hello to someone new, or writing a letter to an old friend, or sitting near an open window listening to the birds sing - will give you a little boost.

It might not feel like it's possible right now, but if you gradually do a little bit more when you feel up to it, soon you will feel a lot better about your situation. You can't control everything in life - you can't control DH's behaviour, you can't control life's everyday mishaps - it will take time but if you tackle just one easy household/work job at a time, you will begin to regain a sense of control.

thankyou too WannabeEarthMomma. such a lot of thoughtful advice. you're completely right about sunshine and exercise and taking enjoyment from small things. i've joined a yoga group and i've had some days where i've felt a lot lighter. especially about a month after the cheating revelations, i was worn out by the drama and realised i'd lost a lot of weight and suddenly felt a high almost, i felt a bit more in control and keeping busy to keep my mind occupied.
this country is not an easy one to do basic things like exercise, it's very hot and undeveloped. i'm thinking of getting a dog to force me to take a walk in the morning and evening.

but running parallel to this is an almost melodramatic overwhelming pain, anger, grief i'm stuck in, drinking a lot everyday, using the internet compulsively but not doing important things, a lot of crying and not sleeping. dh has been sleeping in our place of work, and i'm an hour away at home. he stays here 2 or 3 nights a week and i try to go there with the kids even overnight sometimes.
when he's here my anger/ resentment is more directed at him but strangely the normality of things takesover and relief that kids have their daddy around and at least i actually manage to sleep! when he's not here i feel like a loose cannon, crazy drunk lady, wailing around the house. i just lie in bed can't get dressed, feels like no point to do anything. i literally cannot leave the house. i avoid seeing anyone, can't face it.

then at 4 in the morning i'm full of guilt and self pity, i know the kids will be awake at 6 or 7 and i'm just waiting for the nanny to arrive at 8.30..then i can go back to my room and fall apart again. when she leaves i know i just have to get through dinnertime, bath and bed, then i can sink into wine and misery again. knows what she thinks of me! she sees my room full of piles of clothes, wine glasses, sees i don't leave the house, staying in pajamas, not showering. i look a total state

i know i have to get a grip and try to gain some control. but pathetic as it sounds i just can't at the moment. i'm really ashamed of people knowing what i'm doing too. even for the kids to see me like this. i'm scared they're already used to this.

that's why i thought maybe some drugs would help. ideally i need to be able to sleep before midnight. i know being crazy tired is making me deranged but i'm scared if i take sleeping tablets i won't hear kids if they wake.
and i wonder is there any point taking antidepressants when my depression is a reaction to all the shit that's happened?? are they worth taking to try and lift my mood a bit, is that how they work?

Hi sadly
I have read your post and it sounds like you do need some proper medical help tbh. I don't think anyone is going to tell you what medication to take, you need to see a doctor really.

The samaritans have a website and email/phone. Can you talk to them either online or by phone. I think talking might help you get your thoughts straight.

I am sorry I can't be more help, I really feel for you especially as you are so isolated by your circumstances.
I think it is important that you spend some time with people as this will bring some normality back. When your nanny is there can you stay around a bit rather than dashing off?
I suspect the nanny would be more worried and concerned about you than anything else.

Alcohol and being on the internet half the night will not help you sleep. Can you set yourself a target to avoid alcohol after say 9pm and also turn off the computer? Then a soak in the bath or pampering, paint your nail or whatever. Try and focus on making your self feel nice.

I have suffered from depression a few times and I know how draining and all encompassing it is.

Hope you are okay and my post makes some sense.

Having recently came out the other side of an awfully debilitating bout of depression (my first and I truly hope last!), you have my upmost sympathy It is a horrible thing to go through. however I firmly believe you can't self-medicate with this kind of depression - certainly with low mood or anxiety there are herbal remedies - but full blown depression in my mind is a chemical imbalance and this must be addressed with the proper medication. You mention the fact that you have no access to a GP - why not? - I would be making an appointment with your GP if it has got to the point that you are hiding away in your room. The medication will address this situation and enable you to help yourself - whether it be with more relaxing time, exercise, shopping whatever you find helps you. Best of Luck in your recovery and remember this is only a temporary situation you will feel much better soon!.