Is it normal to feel like this?

[toptramp]

I get these phases when I feel really misanthropic ; I feel like humans are all bad and that most people are nasty to me. I tend to dwell on the bad things that people say to me or have done to me. It dosn't help that I have been abused and that I have fallen out with one of my best friends. She has hurt me at a time when I need her most. My mum died recently but tbh I have been feeling like I don't like people for about 10 years now. It's sad. How can I restore my faith in human nature.

I'm not enjoying single motherhood either and that saddens me.

Or am I just an awful person?

Why would you be an awful person?

Why would you have faith in human nature if you've been abused? It's taken me several years of therapy and very persistant understanding and loving husband and friends for me to start trusting again, very slowly.

Have you had any support in dealing with the abuse?

I have some support although no loving partner;alas. They all seem to go off me or treat me like crap. If I had a caring dp it might retore my faith in human nature. My mum died last year and she was bullied at work by her boss. I think it may have triggered her cancer and added to my general malais.

That's a very bleak outlook on life. And I don't think bullying, horrid as it is, causes cancer.

I think you need some good counselling. And possibly anti depressants.

Hi Madmouse; I do think I get very bleak and cynical at times but truly the bullying was awful and we think one reason why mum was under-performing at work was the cancer. Her boss just piled more work on and was truly awful. Even if it didn't directly cause her cancer I still think it is shit.

I probably need anti depressants but I don't really want to get hooked on them or put on wieght.

Anti-depressants are not addictive so you cannot get hooked on them.

And weight gain is by no means a given. It depends on the type of AD, your metabolism and your eating habits. And the way you describe your life a few pounds more might well be a healthy trade off for so much bitterness.

ADs aren't addictive as such (as in the sense you need more and more of them to keep well - like heroin etc) but you can become dependent upon them, which means that when you stop you can have withdrawal symptoms, and in my experience GPs are not very knowledgeable about this. Each time I tried to come off them by myself (reducing slowly) I got withdrawal symptoms and the GPs told me this was the depression returning. I knew that it wasn't because when I had withdrawal symptoms (which were like the depressive symptoms) I would be fine within an hour or so of taking the meds again. I tried reducing with GP oversight and the same thing happened.

However I did finally find a therapist who told me the right way to come off them, and it took me 10 months, so very slowly but within 4 months of stopping the meds altogether I suffered my 2nd severe bout of depression and anxiety.

Sorry toptrump this isn't helping you. You ask if the way you feel is normal but it is almost impossible to define normality, as it means differet things to different people. I would agree with madmouse that you need some good counselling and possibly ADs. The thing is I was on ADs for 15 years and should have come off them long long before but I had lousy GPs then who just kept dishing them out. I think if I had come off them earlierin a slow way I would not have had the problems that I did.

I know this sounds awful but I just feel that anti-depressents will mask the problem rather than solve it! My sister is a psychiatrist and she says the same. I do just feel that people aren't very nice generally even though there are some wonderful sorts around. Mabe it's just the type I attract!

Mabe I should talk to a neutral source.

The problem is that i have lost a lot of wieght and it has raised my self esteem so I am loathe to put any back on again. It is important for my well being too. I have to balance being bitter/misanthropic with looking hot....! I am very shallow!

Toptramp, just wanted to echo what madmouse said about weight gain on ADs not being a given. I actually lost weight this time and my weight was already on the low side. It sounds like you love your new weight and you'd work hard to not put it back on. If you don't want to mask your problems with ADs maybe therapy of some sorts is the only viable alternative. Maybe try that first?

Thanks choc. I have been in therapy on and off for years now. I am still fucked up though; and alone. I will research ads.