overthinking

[springydaffs]

Something awful has happened in my family and I was in shock for a while but that has worn off and now I seem to have got caught in the overthinking vice. Any tips? I haven't been able to secure counselling (still trying) therefore no-one to talk to professionally - the situation is too serious to talk to friends in depth. It's all going round and round in my head 24/7. Not good

Why is it to serious to discuss with friends? That's what friends are for?

the situation is too serious to talk to friends in depth

same question really

Hmm that may have been a bit brief sorry. But what are friends for if you cannot sit down and share what is troubling you?

And as for securing counselling, what steps have you taken? Can you pay someone privately? Have you looked whether there is a charity near you offering low cost/contribution only counselling?

I agree with madmouse. It is what friends are for, as long as you have one you can trust.

I do, and found her way more useful than counselling if I am absolutely honest.

I agree with madmouse. It is what friends are for, as long as you have one you can trust.

I do, and found her way more useful than counselling if I am absolutely honest.

I agree, you must have close friends or some family you can talk it through with?

unless there is some legal reason why it mustn't be discussed?

er, no I don't. have good friends I can, or would, talk it through with. Maybe I have problems trusting people? I need to be able to talk it through in depth and people generally don't have the spare 6 hours. the people I have told are silent, mostly from shock. People generally (eventually) say hmm this is a very complex situation. Even my most vociferous friend was silent from shock. Nobody is following it up so what do I do, badger them? They don't want to follow it up, period.

I should have worded my op differently, shouldn't I? ok: I seem to have got caught in an overthinking trap. Any tips?

my life seems to have been characterised by situations that are so complex and fraught that your average jo has no clue what to suggest. Wait 20 years and the things I was struggling to work out are now commonplace and generally understood (eg a husband with narcissistic personality disorder - it took me years to eventually find an obscure website that outlined perfectly my husban'ds characteristics: NPD is now commonly discussed and understood). I don't have 20 years to wait tbh. Anyway, as I said, it's the overthinking that is the problem and if anyone has any tips or techniques to break the vicious cycle I'd appreciate it if they could pass those along.

Hi Springydaffs (nice name!)

I was emotionally abused by family, broke contact with them, then month after dc1 was born. I had overthinking down to a tee, majority of people did have a opinion about what I was doing so talking to others was not helpful. Dh just backed me up but did not want to rehashed over and over again. Had councelling...not much good.

Talking on here did the most good for me, writing it all out, getting some opinions on it (positive one's) and it helped clarify my thoughts. But I still over thought it all. But a good session on here helped :) Sometimes your mind just constantly needs to try to make what is wrong, right because what has happened has shaken you down to your foundations.

So, find help on here (if you can, I'll pop on if you set a thread up :) or you could get a quiet hour at home and just type/write all that is in your head and have a good cry/scream etc about it...that can help.

Hope you find some peace, it is hard when something first happens :(

x

or just catch yourself overthinking and do something that keeps your body and mind busy, go shopping, do some vigourous housework while singing etc...a firm 'STOP IT!' to yourself. Allow yourself some time everyday to ponder things/write it out. Then do something nice (cup of tea and magazine(if you can concentrate on it!))

aw pegbag I was just going to say I love your name too

what fabulous posts - you have got it in one you wonderful pegbag. At the mo I am doing copious displacement activities to a shocking degree and trying not to beat myself up for being frivolous . The over/obsessive thinking really took a hold this week - the Awful Thing happened around christmas. Yes it's family-oriented and yes they're toxic and yes it has to do with cutting them off (though as a result of the Awful Thing). I'm finding it very difficult and upsetting this past week because the wedding invitation to a long-anticipated and serious family wedding arrived yesterday and I know I can't go (won't go), I cna't be anywhere near them. But, here's the thing, I read all the blasted blurb about the wedding and got all excited iyswim. Anyway, I'm wobbling and finding it hard to send the refusal, even though I know I must. [this is where people say aw surely you could just go for the wedding = give them another chance. That would be chance 2,874 and I'm not putting myself up for it again]

There should be support groups for people who are cutting off their family.

I'm seasoned at splitting up with family, why don't you go to the stately homes thread?

I've missed a funeral of my uncle, he was the only family member I really liked...but did not go, said goodbye in my own way. Weddings however...means your missing out on other family members you may get on with, the excitment of being together as a family...luckily (?!?) we get more funerals in our familys, weddings are few and far between. Having said that I did miss my cousins...saw pics after, my family was invited but they did go to their 40th bday party and I didn't ...they see more of my family so I was a wee bit upset but understood as they felt difficult about it all too as they explained, all was okay.

So do your extended family know about the awful thing? Would they understand your refusal? Are there some family members you get on with? Or are they all toxic/in denial? Sometimes there are family members who have redeeming features. I have three, all young cousins (well young compared to rest of family...!)

x

and bollocks to more chances...give an inch....and regardless as to how you feel about your family right now, there will be a grieving process to go through. I honestly felt back when I broke up with them (6 yr ago) that I really did not like my mother and sister...but I still grieved for what could have been, what I had lost for always. Still get pangs at wanting a proper supportive family...anyway point was, displacement activity...just send the refusal...tonight or tomorrow. Get it done. It will just hang over you till you do, you know it will. (says me who never sends the damn refusal and does not reply at all!!!) (note to self: must take own advice)

I've sent the refusal. Actually I emailed the bride, got it over and done with. I didn't mean to read the blurb, i was actually looking to see if there was an rsvp form and before I knew it I'd read everything. There really is no point going - they're all toxic. i have fantasies of helicoptering in (not literally a helicopter though i wouldn't say no), seeing the wedding from the back with a big hat and sunglasses on and then buggering off in my helicopter before the main party at the front have the chance to turn around.

I am joking.

Can't face the stately homes thread somehow. I can't seem to get the whole story down in one. Also people post and nobody answers for a hundred years, if at all. I'd find that really difficult having my story hanging out there. I can cope with bits, facets, but not the full thing. Just realised (one of) the reasons why: my family are sneerers. Doesn't matter what you say (or I say! let's call it what it is!), they sneer. and sneer and sneer. Yep, they're sneerers. Just realised something else: it was verbal abuse most of the time. as well as the other shit.

and btw, I managed to get a hold of that obsessive overthinking stuff, broke the centrifugal force of it somehow

they know about the awful thing - it was their hideous response to the awful thing that made me cut them off at long last. I've cut them off before. It's a bit like giving up fags - in the end, you make it.