Why is it.....

[ProPerformer]

every time I think I'm actually starting to get things sorted and come off the tablets life has to throw more sh*t at me! :'( :cry:

Maybe you don't need to come off the tablets? Just getting well is the aim, even on meds..... Loads of people are on meds of all types. Concentrate on you, what makes you feel good and things will come right. Just takes time.

And have a cry. No harm there. But not for too long love. :)

Thanks. I just feel like sometimes things will never go right for me as every time they do or I have some hope, that hope is taken away or some other shite takes it's place!

everytime ive tried to come off meds disaster seems to strike so you arent alone with that!
my dp pointed out if i had diabetes i wouldnt stop meds-at end day still missing chemicals in your body
in the scheme of things meds and a sense of stability is the name of the game

I literally feel like I want to stop the world and get off. Have actually seriously considered turning up at the local mental health ward and signing myself in just to get away from it all for a bit. What's worse is I know others who seem to be going through far more and managing. Feel such a fraud! :(

PP I am a little puzzled as to what exactly is wrong - assume you are suffering from mental illness. Can you say a little more about your difficulties just now, so that at least we might be able to offer more support. I am assuming it is depression, but that maybe that is just because that is what I suffer from.

Incidentally you can't just "sign yourself into a mental health ward" - it's not a hotel! Hospital admissions can only be made by a Consultant Psychiatrist and are for people who are very seriously ill. Approx 1 in 10 people who consult their GP get referred to a pyschiatrist, and some of those will be able to be treated at home, with help from the crisis team and/or a Communit Psychiatric nurse. Believe me you wouldn't want to be on such a ward anyway. Acute wards usually have some very disturbed and disturbing patients; the nurses make sure you get your meds, but that's about all to behonest and it is incredibly boring.

Please come back and tell us more about how you are feeling. It may be that you are not getting the sort of support you need from the NHS.

I have depression and anxiety.
At the moment I work full time and have a 3 yr old son, my husband has just started a new job.
My main problems are various things - shite happening at work, 3 yr old being clingy, worried about his childcare as hubby started work FT and Nursary hours PT only, not having any close friends nearby (or many at all tbh, due to social anxiety.) Have applied for PT work but it's very complicated about if I'll get it or not. (Though boss does seem to be trying)

I am functioning at work and at home, but I do often this is mostly due to the fact that I have just got so good at acting like everything is ok, and that if I did just let myself go then I would just have a breakdown!! I don't think I have ever even been honest to my doc, the acting just comes so naturally now that it's second nature. My doc has recommended counselling but through a charity service and not NHS so I would have to book it myself and am so scared to do so because of my fear of breakdown and anxiety of having to do phonecalls for f* sake!!

I just feel I need sone time to myself for a bit to breathe!! (I did get signed off for a week once but was so anxious about the return to work because of how others have been treated in the past that I couldn't properly relax or let dic sign me off for longer.) I do make sure I go out to choir and band to get out and see people, though it's less enjoyable than it used to be. Have contemplated suicide a few times but know I wouldn't do that because of my DC - I've seen kids who have been through that and would never do that to him.

Hope that story helps a bit!

You sound like you are tired and need some time to recharge. What about taking some annual leave? Just a week? Starting counselling will only work when you are a bit more together mentally, otherwise you will waste the first x sessions in tears, believe me. If you have seriously reached the stage of contemplating suicide then you must know that it is time to change the way things are working. I have close friends whose parents did kill themselves and the friends have never recovered from the 'Why' question. I have a serious mental health condition and I did contemplate throwing myself from a fourth floor Georgian property once. But I could never have done that to my child. And you don't really want to. You do want to feel better. Take some time off. Have someone (Mum? Friend?) look after you. Do no cooking, no housework. Enjoy your DC.....

Trouble is I work in a school so we only get school holidays off! Sounds like a good idea though, will try to do that at Easter as DS can stillbe taken to Nursary if needed.

PP As Casablanca says you sound like you are exhausted. You certainly have a lot on your plate. Are you a teacher PP because I know how stressful that is - both my son and dil are primary school teachers and the work seems never ending. They work in different schools but in both schools there are teachers off with stress related illness.

However I think you are your own worst enemy at the moment. You are not telling the GP how bad things are, and yet talking about one of the symptoms of severe depression - suicide - ok you know you won't do it (and that's called suicide ideation) but the fact that you are having suicidal thoughts means that you are most definitely suffering from depression and anxiety. I am no medic but have had 2 major episodes of depression and hospitalised each time for 3 months. I was still at work when I had my first episode (am now retired) - I was a middle manager in social services and I know all about that thing of pretending you are ok (I used to keep crying in the loo and re-applying my make-up) I went to the GP about 4 times because I was very dizzy but I didn't tell him I was also having suicidal thoughts!

Look love, you really must stop pretending you are ok because you aren't - the trouble is depression is a deceitful illness and tells us things about ourselves that aren't true. It makes us feel that we should be able to do something to stop how we are feeling, and makes us feel guilty and ashamed. We don't feel like this if we are physically ill.

SO please please go to the GP asap and be honest - you can write down yur symptons as bullet points and give it to him/her and if you burst into tears that's ok! You will not be telling the GP anything he/she hasn't heard dozens (possibly hundreds) of times before. You will then almost definitely be prescribed ADs and in the majority of cases they are very effective. They do take around 2 -4 weeks to kick in. They act differently on different people and sometimes you have to try a couple before they are effective.

Ask the GP to sign you off sick (you are not indespensible) and you are not capable of working at this time. The longer you try, the worse it will be. You talk of feeling afraid that you will breakdown and the longer you go on as you are, the greater your chances are of getting far worse.

There is a book called "Depression the Curse of the Strong" - written by a psychiatrist (forget his name) but you can get it on Amazon.

You owe it to yourself, your little boy and your DH to get the help you need.

ProPerformer, I agree with the others. Get thee to the GP, honey. Hope you get a rest soon and things start to feel better.

I do love your posts, NanaNina. You are always so wise and articulate and compassionate.

Oh thank you scummymummy maybe "scrummymummy" would be better? We are all but lines of text on a screen aren't we and anonymous at that. Your kind words are especially nice cus I've just been called condescending on another thread!

Thanks girls.
I really do need to go to docs, but I'm honestly so scared to be signed off due to various problems others and myself have had (can't go into detail here) and also various other reasons. Im so so tempted to just hand in my notice at work as the suspence of not knowing if I'll get my PT or not (and various other 'problems' with that which I have heard on the grapevine as it were.) What you reckon, should I just hand in my notice and have done or stick it out and see what happens. Either way I am f*ed with childcare for certain days!!!
Aaaarrrggghhh

PP can you PM somebody on here and give more details about the work situation. NO don't give in your notice - decisions like that should not be taken when you are in a state of anxiety. How are you managing now with the childcare problems....?

I still think that regardless of what is happening at work you should see GP and get signed off. If whatever you are thinking will happen, does happen, and you lose your job, then so be it but I'm sure you can't be sacked for going off sick. I know all companies are tightening up on this and anything that saves money. A friend told me yesterday that at her place no one wil be paid for the first 3 days of sick leave.

Is there any way that you can find out about these PT hours, and maybe best not to worry about the rumour debate, as this is often what happens in tough times. Could you manage on one wage if you gave up work?

Take care of you - you are worth it. Oh god sorry didn't mean that to sound like a L'Oreal ad!!

We can survive on the one wage I'm basically working for independence only!!
NN can I PM you? My work situ is very complicated and the childcare is kinda mixed up with it. We are coping with childcare til week after next but then we are b*ggered after that as when DS is not on Nursary the family member who looks after him is no longer avaliable and paid for childcare for the extra is just too expensive.

PP yes of course......I have no knowledge of employment law, but Madmouse may be able to help you there. PM me and we'll take it from there.