i think this depression is actually killing me

[lolaflores]

like one day I will fall over and not be able to get up again. am on the meds and see a shrink. have done for 5 years nearly. just very bad now for a few weeks.
keep thinking it is getting better or perhaps just hoping. Its like my heart itself is slowing down and my legs. Will I just stop one day? In the middle of the street and not get up again? I feel like I am dying in little increments, a tiny bit of me gone more each day. Am on the meds, take them religiously, seeing shrink in a week or so, just had a hol.....why am I not improving? what will shift it? it feels like this for weeks now. i do not tell people in rl as it is embarrasing at this point, really it is. I am bi polar and tread a fairly predictable line between a bit high bit low and points in between.
i don't have a cpn, don't even know what can be done at this point.

it is a very hard time of year, a lot of people are struggling.

bumping for you

You need to go back and see a good GP, even if not your usual one. I am bipolar and it took me 4 years to stabilise. Iwas barely getting out of bed for most of that time. But my psychiatrist keep tweaking the meds and eventually they worked. I am now back at work full time, have a fab relationship with my child, divorced a shit man, am with a new man and got a great social life. BUT it does take time. See youtr GP and tell them how you feel otherwise they cannot help you. And a good CPM does help. Take care.

bumping