I need to sort out this anxiety.

[WordsAreNoUseAtAll]

I have bipolar disorder, as well as posible borderline personality disorder, plus dyspraxia. I am on 250mg lamotrigine and have a USELESS cpn who doesn't return phonecalls or tuen up to half of our appointments (grr - at least I haven't had a crisis yet with her, but my old one was really nice)

ANYWAY. I am just so anxious. It is stopping me getting vital physical health stuff done - I just can't do blood test, dentists, etc and I have a mole that really, really needs looking at (it has all the warning signs) as well as being overdue for a smear test and I just can't do it. I don't mean just being a bit nervous, I mean going into full fight or flight mode (a dentist had to stop a checkup because he thought I might hit him - it was like my arm had a life of it's own, and I was stuck in mental hospital because every time they tried to take a blood test I literally ran away)

If I have to go out, my heart starts beating fast, palms sweat etc. I can do familiar routes if I am in a good mood, but that is it.

I get flashbacks to times in hospitals and police cars and cells (for mental health issues - I have been "arrested" on a section a few times and once spent a night in the cells because there was no room in a hospital, plus of course the trauma of having been ill and locked up anywhere)

I feel almost better from the main issues of bipolar, but this anxiety is now an issue, and all I get from the cpn is a leaflet telling me to try breathing deeply, which I know because I am not a FUCKING IDIOT. I know I should breathe deeply, just as I know that a blood test hardly hurts or a bus ride is unlikely to end in death. Doesn't stop me getting anxious though.

So, what can I do? I'm even willing to pay, but I can't afford the prices I have seen, as obviously I haven't a cat in hells chance of working while I am like this. I can pay about £30 a week max, (and that would be pushing it)

At this rate I will get seriously physically ill from something really minor, or stop being able to leave the house at all (I have been like that before, but that was the bipolar doing it, this feels different)

I just want to get better :(

Oh, poor you. I'm assuming accessing some sort of psychotherapy on the NHS isn't an option? If not, have you looked into whether any charities offer counselling or sliding scale therapy near you (ie Mind?)

try cutting out caffeine and alcohol - made a huge difference for me

I don't suffer with Bipolar but my anxiety is just like yours.

I've literally ran out of places before when the panic strikes and am too über anxious when it comes to anything medical.

I think mine is made worse because I think I'm going to faint (even someone talking about an injury someone else has had gets me ready to run). As soon as the thought of fainting gets into my head, I'm gone.

I tried counselling which was a pile of crap - breathe deep and hug yourself - er not sure that's going to work!!

Anyway, a friend recommend hypnotherapy and I had a couple of sessions and came away with a cd to listen to. I'm not saying I'm cured but I listen to the cd almost every night and it has definitely helped. It took a good 5/6 weeks to have any effect, and I had to put some of the recommendations into practice which was so so hard.

I have a tooth out, coil put in and a blood test since since and whilst I still panicked I didn't faint and for me that's a big step.

I think the main thing is just getting to a point where you can 'cope' is the most important step.

So sorry you are going through this. Ask to change your CPN, talk to the manager of the cmht? The hospital traumas and flashbacks are awful, I know. But you have seemed to step away from those to some extent and the health things are at the forefront. All health stuff associated with psych stuff? Maybe the support is the first thing to find? I would try to sort that first, easier said than done. Get the mole looked at, if you can and try to prioritise health issues instead of being overwhelmed by all at once. Sending best wishes and strength.

I second the no alcohol and no caffinated drinks, esp since alcohol won't interact well with the meds for the bi-polar. Hypnotheraphy can be very helpful too and dare I say it, acupuncture (not sure that would work if your needle phobic though).
On another note, what meds are you on and is one of the side effects increased anxiety? It is worth checking and if that is the case, they might be able to give you something to counteract that.
Your highly unlikely to be both bi-polar and borderline, that will be the mental health peeps hedging their bets.
Really hope you find something that helps you soon, I know how awful it can be xx