hypercondriac

[proton]

i have suffered mild mental health problems off and on since i was very young (earlier episode of a panic attack was when i was 5) but have managed to get through the tough times, as you do. i am 47 and have noticed the last few years my mental health have some really dark episodes which i don't think can be helped by my hormones (perimenopause). my main thing is i have phases of the most TERRIBLE hypercondriac worrying which may sound like nothing but if you are a sufferer it can be all consuming and trap you in the most terrible terrible panic. last year i was really proud of myself as i cannot recall a bad phase of worrying about anything specific but this year has been pretty awful. wasn't helped by my somewhat unsympathetic sister telling me (quote) 'i have a friend who has always been scared of getting cancer, now she has it' (implying that if you worry about something it will happen), cheers, thanks sis'. you cannot control/turn off the fear of dying, same you cannot easily control ie depression or a panic attack, contrary to what some non sufferers many think, if it was that bloody easy there wouldn't be such a thing as ie antidepressants. at the moment my head is FULL of fears about health issues. i hate going to the drs for a/fear of them finding something and b/them having it on their screen that i go regularly and think i am a hyper' so i go rarely. just wondered if there are other people out there who feel the same. i have been a panic attack sufferer all my life although go through very long phases of not having one but i still count myself as a sufferer as i know there is always the chance that one of the buggers may pop its ugly head up. when the fear grips you, it is all consuming and very very frightening. i can't stand being me and wish i could turn it off but i can't

proton, i totally sympathise with your situation. i am also 47 and like you have been an episodic hypochondriac all my life. also like you i can trace my earliest panic attack back to about 5. i say episodic, but it has taken up years of my life. over the last year however mine also eased. i put this down to being so busy with DS. however over the last month my hypochondriac concern about my own health worries have transferred onto his developement. this is a worse case scenario, because at least with my normal hypo cycle it builds up into a bubble of fear and dread which is then usually pricked by visiting the GP or - even better, but worse in a way - investigative tests. but with DS's developement it is an open ended area of fear and dread which has not just spoilt my time with him but also my partners. also agree that there is nothing worse than people playing with your very real fear, because it shows how fed up and tired of you they are - understandible i suppose. sorry that i haven't got a magic bullet for yours. my brother is always urging me to try meditation. i've tried it twice but my mind races away in the peace and quiet

OP one sentence in your post really stood out:

i have been a panic attack sufferer all my life although go through very long phases of not having one but i still count myself as a sufferer as i know there is always the chance that one of the buggers may pop its ugly head up

If that is the role you let panic attacks play in your life they will keep coming. Panic attacks are as annoying as they are harmless. They are not a sign of anything worrying, dangerous or scary. They are not even a sign that there is anything to worry about in another area of your life. They always pass and they never have serious consequences. The only thing that keeps them alive is your fear of them. Next time you get one, instead of panicking and trying everything to make it stop, ride it out, let it happen, and notice that you are totally fine afterwards. Let it do its worst and find out it can do nothing. It's just a temporary accumulation of stress. Don't call yourself a 'sufferer' - it keeps you trapped in the mindset of someone who is ill, when you are not.

You probably think i have easy talking, but I had panic attacks for many years and have learned not to let them scare me anymore.

thanks mad, funny but it seems so straight forward reading your words. i have studied the subject for many years (book reading, seen many therapists over the years etc) and am aware already of your view and agree with it however, when a PA creeps up and jumps out at you literally from nowhere it is very hard to ignore although i do my best, i know fear is the fuel that prolongs them. it is like taking acid and being on a rollercoaster of fear that you cannot get off, you just have to sit it out until it fades off. i rarely have them but my brain is good at creating them, always has been. i have more of a problem with my hypercondria which is probably connected. i know i have a fear of death and have come to my own summary as to why have a fear of health issues. knocking - my health worry issues extend to my dd too & my dh, infact my parents too, everyone i love!! i think i have that paradise syndrome, i think that is what it is called. i love everything about my life, apart from me...., life seems too good to be true so it is as if i am waiting for something to ruin it, i have met others who feel like this. i get worried even when dd has just a high temperature, i always imagine worst case scenarios and am so familiar with symptoms of severe things, too much information really. she has severe nut allergy too so that doesn't help. if she ever has a reaction my heart is in my mouth. if she ever eats something out that i haven't prepared (not often) inside i feel physcially sick and am watching her face looking for signs (i hide this from her though, i desperately don't want her to pick up on it). better go, the cat has just jumped up onto the table and does like to eat my fingers when i type :)

You can't ignore a panic attack, the more you push it away the worse it will get.
That's what I'm saying. The next time you have one, face it head on. Right, a panic attack, bring it on I can handle it.

Also - I know you've tried a lot of things already, but consider looking into Mindfulness if you haven't already. My NHS trust offers it, maybe yours does to.

mad - what is mindfulness? ta

It's a way of bringing your attention to the here and now - accepting what you are feeling and what is happening without being desperate to change it. I use it when I'm panicky - say when I'm very stressed in the supermarket car park I focus on the here and now - how cool my ds's cheek is to mine when I lift him in the car seat, the cold steering wheel in my hand, the smell of the car, the sound of the engine, the colour of the car in front of me. All the while the stress is there and I don't ignore it, I just accept that it is present and let it be. And then the panic feelings dissipate.

There are videos on YouTube that teach it - it doesn't have to cost loads.

thnks